Judge — October 6, 1906 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A POINT IN ETHICS. $4GOME men and women have a different way of saying the same thing when they are look- ing for houses to live in, remarked the real-estate agent. ‘How do you mean?” inquired the listener. “For instance: The man asks how far it is from a church and how near to a saloon ; while the woman asks how near it is toa church and how far from a saloon. Now, why,” concluded the agent reflectively, + don’t they merely ask what dis- tance it is from each of these places ?” The listener took the question home with him to ask his wife about it. DEEP ENOUGH. 4#¢YOU are anzmic,” says the physician, after much thumping and prodding. You should practice deep breathing.” “Deep breathing ? retorts the patient. «Why, doctor, that’s just what I do all the time. I work in a sub-cellar, sixty feet below the street level.” THE USUAL WAY. The tourist— Were there not a lot of people killed in a recent’ wreck near the station we just passed 2” INTERMITTENT. Mrs, Slummer— ‘Does your husband drink regularly 7" Mrs. Hogan—« No, mum; my wages isn’t steady.” EXPANSION. He—« They say travel broadens a person. She—" Surely. The moment a man enters a car he spreads out over half a dozen seats," BUSY. S6\VJHAT are you do- ing, paw 2” asked Tommy Figgjam. + Reading the stock- market report and figuring how much money you would have inherited some day if 1 had followed the tips I had last year.” AN EXCEPTION. Howell—“1 was pretty hungry. Powell— So was 1. What I ate cost me as much as the tip to the waiter. ” EFFECT OF JEALOUSY. s4]T is such a good joke on the Pitsburgs,” says the first lady. “What is? That SOUND OF NO CONSEQUENCE. they are on the verge of a Girt—"'I want a yard of ribbon." sone Mercnant—‘' Shall | give you some of this loud green ribbon?" separation?” asks her Girt—"* Don’t make any difference; it's for a deaf woman.”’ friend. “Indirectly, yes. You The conductor—' Yes ; forty killed yesterday. But how did you know, each of them has engaged a private detective to watch the know there had been a wreck The tourist—“A natural inference. gang of workmen installing safety signal devices.”” one. other, and day before yesterday their two detectives put in the whole As we passed I noticed a afternoon following them in an auto while they were riding in another It cost them forty dollars apiece to learn that they had taken an auto ride together.” GOOD REASON. Hotel proprietor—« So you want a job in my dining-room, ch?” A JINGLE OF FALL SHOPPING. Girl applicant— Yes, sir.” 'OUNG Mr. Hubbard, he went and he rubbered Hotel proprietor—* How much wages do you expect ?" ‘To get his dear wifey a hat, Girl applicant—* What do you pay ?” He saw a new bonnet, said ‘Let's decide on it.” Hotel proprietor—«Six dollars a week and board you, or four Said she, ‘Why, no one's wearing that!" dollars a week and let you board out.” Girl applicant—Why, that’s peculiar, Usually the difference ‘They looked at, he reckoned, ten bonnets a second, in wages runs the other way. Why do you pay more if I eat here ?” Until they found one low and flat. Hotel proprietor—+When you see the table we set for our help He said, “Come, now, try it” She cried, “I won't buy itt you'll understand,” Why, all of the town "s wearing that!" Farmer Summersoarp—* Now, ladies, don't let the reins Louise (half an hour later)—"* Oh, Ethel! The parasol is get under the horse's tail, or he's liaole to kick.” beginning: to leak and I’m afraid he's going to kick." comicbooks.com