Judge — September 22, 1906 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ANTI-FAT. “That fool doctor told me riding would reduce flesh.”* “Well, it looks to me as if your horse was reduced enough." PESSIMISM. (Rondean redoubit,) T'S pretty hard to get along to-day ; The world is getting rotten, don't you think? I've heard a lot of people lately say That everything is going on the blink. And so it’s up to me to spill some ink On Pessimism. That's the proper lay, For themes are scarce. I say it with a wink— It’s pretty hard to get along to-day. «Tt didn't always seem to be that way. Life used to be a radiant, rosy pink, And now it looks to me like dappled gray. The world és getting rotten, don't you tl « Dame Fortune's given me It’s twenty-three for mine ; me to the hay. Now, honest, wouldn't that drive you to drink?" T've heard a lot of people lately say. To Fortune! ie rinky dink. It's pretty hard! They've said it; yes. But is it true? Nay, nay! Come and let your glasses clink! Why, what a shine idea to convey— That everything is going on the blink! This is the last time that I'll ever tink- Er with a rhyme like t It’s done—except this last—this missing link— Hast ever done a rondeau redouble? Hooray, hooray t FRANKLIN P, ADAMS. JU)’S PRIMMER UV NU SPELLINGS, COMPILED FROM JOSH BILLINGS AND A. WARD. Genuine laffing iz the vent ov the soul, the nostrils ov the heart, and iz jist az necessary for helth and happiness az spring water iz for a LESSUN NO, 1.—LAFFING. NATOMIKALLY konsidered, laffing iz the sensashun ov phecling good all over, and showing it principally in one spot. Morally konsidered, it iz the next best thing tew the 10 commandments. trout. Thare iz one kind ov a laff that i allwus did reckommend ; it looks out-ov the eye fust with a merry twinkle, then it kreeps down on its hands and kneze and plays around the mouth like a pretty moth around the blaze ov a kandle, then it steals over into the dimples ov the cheeks and rides around in thoze little whirlpools for a while, then it lites up the whole face like the mello bloom on a damask roze, then it swims oph on the air with a peal az klear and az happy az a dinner-bell, then it goes bak agin on golden tiptoze like an angel out for an airing, and laze down on its little bed ov violets in the heart whare it cum Philosophikally konsider- ed, it beats Herrick’s pills 3 pills in the Theoretikally konsidered, it kan out-argy all the logik in ame. existence. Analitikally _ konsidered, enny part ov it iz equal tew the whole. Konstitushionally_konsid- ered, it iz vittles and sumthing tew drink. Multi it iz just az different from enny- thing else az it iz from itself. Phumatikally konsidered, it haz a good deal ov essence and sum boddy Pyroteknikally konsidered, it is the fire-works of the soul, Syllogestikally konsidered, the konklushuns allwus follows the riously konsidered, premises. Spontaneously konsidered, it iz az natral and refreshing az a spring bi the road-side. Phosphorescently konsidered, it lights up like a globe lantern, Exsudashiously konsidered, it haz all the dissolving propertys ov a hot whiskee puntch, But this iz too big talk for me; theze flatulent words waz put iiito the dikshionary for those giants in knolledge tew use who hav tew load akannon klean up tew the muzzell with powder and ball when they go out tew hunt pissmires. from. LESSUN NO, My friend, did yu ever examin the f 2.—THE POL E KAT. ant pole kat clussly ? I guess not, they are a kritter who won't bear examining with a microskope. They are butiful beings, but oh! how deceptive. Their habits are phew, but unique. They bild their houses out ov earth and the houses hay but one door tew them, and that iz a front door. When they enter houses they don’t shut the door after them. They are called pole kats bekauze it iz not convenient tew kill them with a klub, but with a pole, and the longer the pole the more convenient. their (Continued on second advertitement page Solow comicbooks.com