Judge — September 15, 1906 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

225 Fourrm Ave., New Youx. Caste Apparss, PUBLISHED WE) Jopcanx.” Tri. 2214 Grawencr. Westexw Avvaerisinc Orrice—1313 Hartford Building, Chicors. Mh, UNITED STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE. ean satas-acunrs—latermational News Compan) The contents of FUDGE are protected by copyright in both the United States and Great Britain. CONTRIBUTORS must inctose a stamped and self-addressed ertveiove wxth all manuscrints, otherwise returs of t DRAWINGS and all contributions sent to the Art Devartment should have the sender's full name and adiness written descrintrve letter-Dress showid in dvery instance be written upon tts indevssaal picture, and NOT upon a seraraie siio of paver. tnsure safe and promot return of materia not accepted. Hf JUDGE cannot be f JUJ WIL HAV A SPELITEZE NUMBR. Just to se how it gose, and becaws we dont kare mutch ennyhow, JUJ will appear in brand-nu spelling nekst week. President Rucevelt, or Rosyvelt, or Rosevelt, whitchever wa it iz, has owr thanks for nocking owt the dickshunary. We never did like to spel, ennyhow, and now we dont haf to. But this refawrm must go further, Its just as hard to think rite az it iz to spel rite.. We aint going tu think rite nor spel rite, nor du enything else that tires us. We no it wil plees owr reeders tu hear that Mr. Artemus Ward and Josh Billings wil return for one week only, so az tu be with us on the okkazion uv owr mispelt defiunce to Ingglish az she iz rote. Its a grand thing tu be abul tu rite enny- thing that kums intu yore hed and spel most enny old wa and let it go at that. It wud make the profeshun uv riting a rek- reashun and a kontinewus delite if nobod- dy hat tu think abowt nuthing but just tu take pen in hand and let her zip. Luk owt for owr speliteze numbr, and dont buy ennything else until yu get it. I: wil be grate. R. MURPHY of New York as a language beater beats Mr. Roosevelt. He has so many silent spells. N OTHER words, Brother Watterson says to Brother Clark Howell, Forget it. Who are governors, anyway? What'll you have?” IN THIS DAY of political splits it will be noted with alarm that the Smith family reunion at Peapack, N. J., has been abandoned. Wonder if there has been a Smith bolt? WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH US, ANYWAY? says the Emporia, Kansas, Gagette: ‘In the still watches of the night often one wakes up with a clear vision of things as they are—a vision often prophetic in its distinctness. Last night was still and hot, and far below the hum of the bugs one could hear the corn humping itself gently and rhythmically, getting nearer to a ninety-bushel-to-the-acre crop; one could catch far underneath the chirp of the crickets the murmur of the wheat-stack as it seasoned and graded up for the market. The tinkle of sheep-bells in the pasture and the lowing of the herds in the wood-lots rose above the din of the crawling creatures, and the still night-air was vibrant with the sounds of future prosperity.” And there is not an idle man in Kansas, nor need of a free-soup house in any city. Ten thou- sand mills are crowding on steam, and “help- wanted” placards decorate the doors. There are not enough cars to haul the crops to market nor the coal from the mines, and all over this great country the weekly pay-envelope, shucked of its gold- en kernel, litters the thoroughfares on Sat- urday evenings. Was there ever such prosperous times as right here and now? And yet what are we American people do- ing this very hour? Trying to convince ourselves that there is cause for unrest, for gloomy misgivings, for hys- terical forebodings, and for revolutionary meddling with the form of gov- ernment heretofore deemed the wisest and best so far conceived in the brain of man! TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS: $00 2.30 135 countries in union, $6.90 year. Paris: Saarcack's News Exchange, Mains, Germany. 1 pos o's, towne de U’ Opera, infringement of this cooyrgst will be promptly and digorously prosecuted. Latter when found unavailable cannot be guarantees. 'y on each and every sevarate stetch. The accompanying Joke or Inciosure of stamos to the full amount of postage (s also required, 10 id at any vews-stand, the publishers will be wader obligations if that fact be promptly reported on postal-card or by letter. WELLMAN'S trip to the Pole is off. The gentleman is well off. How would it do for Mr. W. J. B. to come out for Esperanto just about this time? BE QUICK, Brother Hearst. A trip round the globe now will land you here at just about the right time. OTHAM note: Mrs. Hetty Green was seen at the theatre the other evening. She occupied a seat in the gallery—’way up. HOUSEWORK as good as golf is the latest pronouncement of science. A rubbing-board, a cake of soap, and a tub are as beneficial, purely as exercise, as a mashie, a bunker and a “pill.” ere MR. ROCKEFELLER AND THE RUSH OF HEADLINES. THE SIMPLE LIFERS have gained a valuable recruit in the person of Mr. John D. Rockefeller. If the modern newspaper headline has noth- ing else to its credit, it should be leniently judged for having opened the eyes and convinced the mind of the richest man in the world that the American pace is too fast. ‘* We are leading an awfully fast life in this country,” he declared recently. ‘It is simply rush, rush along. The newspapers, for the most part, keep apace of the times. They show the life of their readers. People live too fast. Their life is accelerated by the headlines, the con- centrated excitement all bound up in a few words, The people see the big lines, rush to read the paper, rush off again to read ‘some other paper, and rush to a fire. It is rush, rush all the time.” We take it that civilization is bound up with the fate of the small-pica cap-head. The rage of the “*dingbat,”’ the seven-column 64-pt black- face Jenson, and the indented “ horse- head "’ must be checked or all is lost. Mr. Bryan, whose hospitality for new issues has been the marked feature of his home- coming oratory, might well add this to his répertoire. ‘* Down with the dingbat and the horsehead !’’ would be no mean slogan for a campaign. The people rush to read these scare-lines, rush off to read some other paper, then rush toa fire. Let us slow down. jowa GIRL, fearing trust will boom prices, buys coffins for older mem- bers of the family. Another outcropping of that stand-pat idea. WANTS Adam nominated, says a headline. Candidates are pretty scarce, but isn’t that going a little too far back among the dead ones? AS WE understand it, the Standard Oil fines so far in sight amount to 'w_about three hundred billion, and yet we read that Mr. J. D. has begun to crack jokes. BROTHER BAER (some time known as Divine Providence Baer) guesses he’ll go on and run his railroads just the same. A little thing like a rate law don’t cut any ice with Brother Baer. THREE HUNDRED and eighty St. Louis Democrats and 7,200 bottles of beer came to the Bryan reception. Great Scott! That was more than 16 to 1, and yet we hear that the Democrats are getting more con- servative. comicbooks.com