Judge — September 1, 1906 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Ruse. Cr—" Waal, Rube, ter return the compliment. HANDICAPPED. +4 ALAS!" moaned the rich man, "I can never be famous." “Why,” suggested his friend, «you've got oodles of money. You can pick your line of fame—libraries, churches, chorus-girls, pic- tures—anything at all.” +-Yes, can do all that; but it will be of no avail, I started my career on a salary of fifteen dollars a week. No rich man can ever expect to have his biography printed every time he does a fool thing if he didn’t begin life at seventy-five cents a week and board himself and support a widowed mother and five small brothers and sisters out of his savings.” A TALE OF HE AND SHE, THEY sat together on the beach The blue waves danced in glee To hear the olden story told Beside the summer sea. ‘Twas thus, enwrapped in ecstasy And glamour of romance, He engineered a little feat Of Cupid's high finance. He wrote their names upon the sands In bold and fearless way, And to her order said he would His life's devotion pay. Next morning, when she sought the spot, She noticed in a flash ‘The waves had all washed out the names— ‘There was no cheque to cash. MCLAXDBURGH WILSON. A BAD JOB, Fiorence—1 admire Mr. Wise. He Is a self-made man,” Lawrence—“He ought to be ashamed of himself.” NEEDLESS ALARM. SOYVAIT a minute till I get my clothes off!” came a shrill voice from the back end of the cable-car. All the strap-holders turned their heads as one man. It was a small boy striving to drag off the hamper containing his mother’s washing. IN THE SWIM. “Why, dang it, Cy! what d° ye mean by puttin’ on sleigh-bells this time o° year?"" ese ‘ere automobeel fellers are all the time tootin’ their horns ter let yer know they're comin’, so I thought it wuz up ter me SOMETHING HARD TO BEAT. ing a meal. with the dining-room hangings. AT THE MINSTRELS. ¢s]MfR- TAMBO,” remarks the middleman, «1 have a very impor- tant question to propound this evening. Can you tell me why a financially-embarrassed man resembles a canine ? “No, Mr. Centerpiece; Ah can't tell yo’, says Mr. Tambo. “Why am a f'nancially-’barrassed man laik a kanine ?” “+ Because,” replies the middleman, *he never has any money in his pants, I guess that will hold you while our charming tenor, Mr. Caruso Highsee, sings the beautiful and pathetic ballad, +Her Raven Locks Have Turned to Gold. Mr. Highsee rises majestically, puts one hand behind him, hangs his thumb over a vest-button, and begins, «+ The old farm-house is waiting *. “Look yere!” shouts Mr. Tambo. ++Jes? suppose de fnancially-’barrassed man wears pants wid checks in ‘em ?” ALF’S ALFALFA, LF ALFORD, who lives down at Alpha, Has raised a large crop of alfalfa ; But those who would buy Find it's no use to try To get Alf's alfalfa at Alpha. NATURE'S COMPENSATION. ¢sAJATURE,” said the man with the pickle nose, ‘never takes away that she does not give. In every deed of hers there is both loss and gain. Now, for instance, take my own case. Nature designed that my hair should be thin, while my “—— «« While your head is thick," finished the man with the old-rase whiskers, who had been trying for half an hour to edge in a word. QUALIFIED. +MY DEAR," said the dyspeptic husband, «this new girl can't cook for a cent, and she knows absolutely nothing about serv- Why do you keep her 2” «+ Because her hair is the precise tone of red to harmanize exactly Anybody could see that." comicbooks.com