Judge — July 14, 1906 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

COMMENTS OF A CYNICAL CODGER. ESTING" usually means ++ rustin; Be frank and you'll be friendless. Some men never head a procession until they die. jee Troubles never come singly but to married folks. First you “set up" the drinks, then the drinks ++ upset" you. When a man begins to worry about his feel- ings he’s on the down-grade. Some spendthrifts display the habit on a trolley There is no excuse for the fool in this world. True, people want to be amused, but in a sensi- automobile income. ble way. It is easy to convince a woman that you love her, but it is not so easy to live up to it for a lifetime. When a man’s dog quits him it is high time for his wife to make application for a divorce. That is evidence. No wife is suspicious of a husband who goes down town to work with his necktie ill-arranged, his shoes unshined, and two-days' growth of beard on his fa A PARTICULAR POINT. E ARE not yet ready to put your book on the market," said the publisher to the ambitious author. “But it is printed, illustrations and all," argued the author. “Why don’t you go ahead and bind it, and “—— *There’s the trouble. The fashion experts hat what is to be the popular shade this fall, and we cert to risk binding the book in a color that will clash with the gown of the lady who is reading it, do we ve not yet decided inly do not want Popunk rostuaster—" No. John: as usual there's nothing for you. You git so little mail I'd think you'd git tired of comin’ to the office. Why don't you hit up a love-match with some likely girl in another town? Then you'd git plenty of letters. Ha, ha!” Podunk post-office a few days after John’s ad. appeared. ° JOHN JONES GETS SQUARE ELATED. 6eTHEY are hav- ing an en- gagement dinner at the Browns’ to- night.” “Who is en- gaged 2" “A new cook.” A LESSON TO WIVES. ssYOUR hus. Y band,” said the neighbors to Mrs. Christopher Columbus, ++ has gone to discover America ?” “That's what he said,” replied Mrs. Columbus with an air of sus- picion. + But when have been JUDGE'S FAVORITES. MARIE DOW AS ‘‘CLARICE,"” WITH WILLIAM GILLETTE. Your quaint and dainty art 's your own— No school has taught you grace. Your light and sprightly wit is known— It's written in your face. you married as long as I you will know better than to be- lieve everything a man says.” It is a pity that Mrs. Columbus could not have been spared to the world for a few centuries. Her advice, based on experience, might have smoothed many a road. Joun— Guess I'll take our gay postmaster’s advice. I'll jest put this ad. in the New York papers, an’ | reckon somebody round the Podunk post- office ‘Il git too busy ter crack many jok Popunk rostuaster (savagely)—"'! say, John Jones, why in the name of all the people don’t you come fer your mail ?* Joun J.—"* Wa-al, ye see, | git so little mail I sorter got tired a-callin’ fer it, an’ I don’t reckon ther’ is enny law ter make me. Ha, ha!" WITH THE PODUNK POSTMASTER.