Judge — June 30, 1906 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE CONVENTION OF HUMORISTS. JUDGE had the pleasure the other week of meeting with the American Press Humorists at their convention in Phila- delphia. It was a gala occasion, and al- together worthy of appreciative mention here. Nothing like an organization of the humorous talent of the country was ever before thought of, much less attempted, until the get-together impulse of these ~union days became active among the comedians of the pen. This was the third or fourth annual meet, and the or- ganization bids fair to increase rapidly in numbers, influence and pleasurable asso- ciation, ‘There were representatives from Boston and from California, and all the way between, indicating the country-wide scope of the new movement. We are in- clined to query with bated breath: Are we about to have a Comic Trust ? 8 @ Humorists look about the same as other ‘ople. Either one of two propositions olds, contrary to a hoary popular tradi- tion: Humorists are not a sad-visaged lot, or, There are no longer any humorists among us. Except for professional, or stage use, we saw not a face devoid of «the smile that won't come off.” How the delusion originated that the laugh- maker is an unhappy soul is a mystery. And yet George Alfred Townsend, the inimitable “ Gath,” a fellow of large ac- quaintance with the funny tribe, once wrote that humorists are a diseased class, that humor is but a * hectic flush, a con- sumptive cough,” and that the man wh lives to put a “giggle on the-news” is doomed to an early grave. Well, Arte- mus Ward and Nye died, the former in his early thirties, the later in his middle forties. Other humorists have died young. But Mark Twain lives at seventy; Eli Perkins, chum of Artemus Ward, was at the convention; Josh Billings didn't be- gin to write funny copy until he was al- most fifty ; Shillaber, of Partington fame, lived beyond eighty, as did Holmes; Seba Smith wrote some of his best books after he was sixty, etal. The «sad and bilious theory of the physical and mental base of humor, like the saying that funnymes are solemn, serious, and sickly, is one of those pet aberrations of the popular mind which are incurable. . . The funnymen seemed to be ge.tuinely glad to meet each other, to get on grounds of friendly intimacy and compan- ionship. We give it as our careful judg- ment that they are as a whole an excep- tionally likable, intelligent, and capable lot. And furthermore, let it be said, con- trary to another popular error, they are a remarkably temperate set of fellows. * Philadelphia gave cordial welcome to the humorists and took advantage of its position as an amiable host frequently to chide the men who are chiefly respon- sible for the joke about its slowness. Mayor Weaver offcred his record as a swift smiter of graft in proof against the joke, and some of the big merchants were ready to show the funnymen over their stores to make the evidence cumulative. But the humorists also have their business to look out for, and the Philadelphia joke cannot be spared. But privately, every man of them was willing to testify that Quakertown set him a pace for the six days of his stay that could not safely have been prolonged. It took two days for the convention to | the notables in the wholesale and retail find itself. The Bellevue-Stratford people opened green rooms and private parlors, and set cushioned chairs hospitably about to snare the humorists, but for nearly two days they shied. They were there, but they were hid behind the draperies, or roaming round town and missing each other by a hair's-breadth at every corner. Then as suddenly they came together and lo! the humorists of these United States stood grouped about the porphyry- columned corridors or lounged on the linen-covered upholstery. When they be- gan to bunch up so Philadelphia could spot them the fun commenced. The Cramps grabbed them and took them up to show them to their workmen at the ship-yards, The riveters and the pud- dlers and the rest seemed highly pleased. Incidentally the humorists furtively ac- quired a few facts about battleship-mak- ing which they will use in the next war. Mr. Edwin S. Cramp corralied the whole body of fun for an hour and fed things to the humorists and gave them to drink and otherwise ministered unto them until they were all glad together and ex- ceedingly well pleased with each other. Then he took them for to ride upon the Delaware, and thus ended that day. The Traction Company, that awful oc- topus, next. One Mr. Springer came with brand-new cars which had engines at both ends and everything else double. He took the humorists for a long ride, ending up at Willow Grove, where he ban- queted them and led them through moun- tains, and mirror mazes, and took them up in Ferris wheels, and would have done many more such like joyous things unto them, But it was too late. So they rested and arother day was all to the good. The Pen and Pencil club then took a turn and for several hours of one day and again at another time in the night season did what it could to tip over the Philadelphia joke and cause it to be remembered no more forever. And last of all the Poor Richard club took the bat. Here was where the mayor and trade came in—the Finley Ackers, the Martendales, and such. A banquet at the Belmont mansion in the park was the closing event. This is not one of the New York Belmonts, we believe, but we did not see him. Mr. Belmont was not at home. At this point the humorists were pounced upon and compelled to put up something like one thousand four hundred dollars’ worth of entertainment in lieu of board-bills, and the evening! and the morning were one and the same | and not to be separated one from the} other. . The only people in all Quakertown who took the humorists seriously were editors, They seemed possessed by the notion that the funnymen had some busi- ness there, and when they failed to nail it they quit and went to playing up some local person by the name of Cassatt, who had done something or other. One paper had a head. line, ** Cassatt hews off another head." That partially places Mr. Cas- satt. At least it’s a clew. . Then came the wind-up at Atlantic City. The continuous Mayor Stoy took a hand at the collection and what be did was ample. For four hours he lunched them and autoed them and roller-chaired them and Walt McDougalled them, and then led them away to the train and put them on board the same, and would have kept them for days and days, but they * 6 would not, for each one murmured unto himself, ‘Lo ! it has been but four hours ! What would Stoy and the Press Club and Walt McDougail not do to us in four days !" and they all with one accord gat them up and hiked trainward, for, they said, we must go home’; it is necessary. * . And the women ! morist had his wife along. It was a fam- ily outing to that extent. Humorists may be a gloomy lot, but they have a knack of getting wives who are sunny and cheerful. * 8 6 Jupce herewith greets the American Press Humorists, tenders his hearty best wishes and joins with them in three cheers for Los Angeles in 1907. Nothing will quicker revolutionize the sys tem and put new life into it, than Abbott's An- gostura Bitters. At druggists’ and grocers’. ‘SELF-HELP, An English clergyman preached a ser- mon upon woman's waste of time and money upon the vanities of dress. After- ward he had occasion to rebuke his own daughter upon the dressing of her hair. «My daughter,” said the good man, “had God intended’ your locks to be curled He would have curled them for you.” “When I was an infant,” replied the maid, “He did. But now 1 am grown up He thinks Iam able to do it myself.” —Exchange. HOW HE GOES TO WORK. Redd—" Does he go to work in his au- tomobile every day?” Greene—" Well, frequently he goes to work under it."— Yonkers Statesman, Mothers will find Mrs. Winslow's Sooth- ing Syrup the best remedy lor thei children. asc a bottle. SORROWS AND HOPES OF CLAYFORK. I am sorry to say that Mrs. A. P. Hall is still on the sick-list. ‘The wedding-belis are yet ringing. Mr. A. L. Nunnery and Miss Iza Vinson was happily married last Sunday afternoon at four o'clock. We hope for them a long and happy life. We are sorry to report the illness of Mr. James Vinson. Mr. W. Q. Yow has bought a new or- gan, so there will be more music now. We are glad to note that Mr, Yats Hon- rine is able to be out again. Mr. Tom Rich and Miss Carrie Horne went up to Fayetteville last Friday. We expect to hear the wedding-bells ring soon. Messrs, C. C. McLaurin and John Holmes took a pleasure-trip Sunday to the convict camp. Mr. Jim McLaurin cailed at Miss Maud Murphy's Sunday night. Look out, young boy, for mad dogs are still raging. Iam sorry to report that Mr. M. R Vinson was badly hurt by a mule throw- ing him down and jumping on him. hope he will soon recover.— Clayfork cor- respondence Fayetteville Observer. For Dandruff and Baldness. | Packers Tar Soap Pure as the Pines An Ideal Shampoo with healing and antiseptic properties. Soothes / the scalp. Strengthens the Hair. Recommended by Physicians. ‘sne Packer Mig. Co., New York. Oh, yes, every hu-! Evans’ |Ale ‘should head your list of supplies for an Outing. The Ideal Summer Beverage. When you speak of a “ ten- cent cigar” that costs you ten cents. The same cigar is to the manufacturer a $40 per M.,” or 4c. cigar, to the job- ber a “$50 per M.,” or 5c. cigar, and to the retailer a « $60 per M.,” or 6c. cigar. Intrinsically that cigar is worth as much when the manufacturer appraises it at $40 per M., as it is when the retailer hands it over his counter as a “ten-cent straight.” The difference be- tween 4c. and toc, is what it costs to get the cigar from the manufacturer to you along the old-fashioned trade turn- pike with three tollgates. Now, suppose you go to the maker of your cigars and say to him: “Sell me my cigars at wholesale and I'll take them home myself across lots." “Oh, no," he will reply, “that wouldn't be fair to the retailer who has bought my cigars to sell at retail price.” 1 am a maker of cigars who has never sold a cigar to a jobber or retailer to sell again. Hence I am under no obligations to“ the trade.” invite the patronage of the man who objects to paying for the privilege of allowing a re- tailer to sell him a cigar— who wants to buy his cigars at cost, without the arbitrarily added expenses of the jobber and retailer. To prove that I actually do sell my cigars at wholesale prices | offer them Junder the following condi- tions : MY OFFER 1S:-1 will, |upon request, send one hundred Shivers’ Panatela you mean a cigar AND SHAPE. Cigars on <| approval to a reader of JUDGE, expre: prepald. He may smoke ten cigars and return the remaining ninety at my ex- pense if he Is not pleased with them; |If he Is pleased, and keeps them, he agrees to remit the price, $5.00, with- In ten days, The fillers of these cigars are clear Havana of good quality—not only clear, but long, clean Havana—no shorts of cuttings are used. They are Cuban hand made, by the best of workmen. The making has much to do with the smoking qualities of a cigar. The wrappers are genuine Sumatra. In ordering, please enclose business card or give personal references, and state whether mild, medium or strong cigars are desired. HERBERT D. SHIVERS 99 Filbert Street, Philadelphia, Pa. comicbooks.com