Judge, 1906-06-16 · page 13 of 16
Judge — June 16, 1906 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page satirizes Andrew Carnegie's funding of the "Simplified Spelling Board," a real early-1900s effort to reform English orthography. The entire article is written in phonetic/simplified spelling—deliberately difficult to read—to mock the reform movement. The satire works on multiple levels: Carnegie, the steel magnate and philanthropist, has donated funds to promote simplified spelling, yet the reformers' actual proposal produces text that's *harder* to parse, not easier. By writing the commentary itself in mangled phonetics ("Karnegy," "langwij," "poesy"), Judge ridicules both the impracticality of the reform and the pretension of wealthy industrialists imposing linguistic change. The joke: a "grate" man with "milyuns" thinks he can improve English through sheer funding, but language doesn't work that way. The piece also mocks literary pretension, dismissing poets like Walt Whitman as examples of language already corrupted. The page is primarily this one sustained satirical piece, flanked by period advertisements.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE IMPROVED WORN ALL OVER THE WORLD REFUSE ALL SUBSTITUTES OFFERED YOU eg tanels snped on every iP CUSHION Me: BUTTON ChASP Sample pat, SI Se, Cotton 2e, Malled oa receipt of price. every GEO. FROST CO., Mekers WARRANTED Boston, Mass., U.S.A. ALWAYS EASY RESPECTED With character and merit. The spirit of. Kentucky hospitality; the essence of good cheer. ~The best whiskey for all uses. Gold medals at New Orleans, 188: Chicago, 1893; Paris,’ 1900 and Grand Prize. highest awa at World's Fair, ‘St. Louis. Seld by leading dealers everywhere. As an object of male beauty the van Dyke beard is a much discussed point. Exchange, A A product of the costly potestill 100, 000 ctumerns PLASTERERS, Francis Parent: We teach you in lewueels. Union card foyne BROS. TRADE scHoots, | New Verk: 239 10th Ave. SUMMER HOMES GREEN ILLS OF VERMONT AND LAKE CHAMPLAIN #10 per wee | ing. and as he is abel to bak his opinyuns | thereby karying into efekt—or at leest | gents VERS wanted in San) SPELL LIKE THIS. Mister Andru Karnegy, the grate steel milyunare, has provided the “Simplified Speling Bord,” with a sum of three thou sand pounds, so that they may begin thare kampane for the reform ov the English tung as it is riten. Mister Kar- negy promises to hand over a similar sum evry yeer, making only one kondi- shun, namely, that twenty welnoan riters publish boox riten akording to reformd rools. The grate fownder of librarys, who began lyf as a telegraf boy, is un- dowtedly a good juj ov speling and rit. with solid argument in the form of koyn ov the relm, we hay littel dowt that the moovment wil have an enormous impe- tus and wil spred rite and left thruout the United Stayts and akros the water, forwarding —Mister Karnegy’s ambishun to make the English langwij univers We imajin that the English langwij, which has in its checkerd karear gone thru so many visisitoods, will be abel to stand this last atak. It is a rugged, hardy plant, for it has lived thru such visitashuns as “ Byutiful Snow,” « Fred- erik the Grate” and “ Dyana ov the Kros- wase.” Also it has withstud the bland- ishments ov such insinyooating « litery "as Walt Whitman and that para- gon ov poesy, Mister Spring Unyuns, whose meter may be deskrybd as ov a stile ov terminolojikel ineksaktitood. If we kanot yet rite the Karnegy langwij kwite korectly we hope in tym to do so. Lens of the Camera is the most important feature, This year Kodaks, Premos, Hawkeyes, Centuries and other cameras can be had fitted with the Tessar Lens, a lens that will make all kinds of pictures under all kinds of conditions. ‘This lens requires only about half the light required by lenses usually furnished on cameras. It 1s there- fore possible to use it for home portraiture, photographing the babies, as well as the most rapid outdoor pictures, with equally good results, No other lens has so wide a range of usefulness and Is at the same time so compact and petfect optically. Specify Tessar when ordering your camera, Send for Booklet “Aids to Artistic Aims." Bausch & Lomb Optical Co. Rochester, N.Y. EW YORK, BOSTON WASHINGTON" CHICAGO SAN PRANCISCO In the mentym we kontinyu the strugel with a vyu to“ peas with honur.” At the same tym we welkum eny atempt to reform the old Haraden. The langwij needs reform at awl poynts ov its kum- pas, and if Mister Karnegy, with his milyuns, sukseads in bringing about only the merest shade ov relorm, fonetikaly or otherwys, we, for our part, shal kon- tinyu to hold him up as the gratest bene- fakter ov his aj.—London Express. BUBBLES. The password —« Complimentary-” The habitual miner is a life-saver. The age of a bond isn’t exactly a bond- age. It's a good circus that always rings true. Some children are poor subjects for the mind-reader. Working the lawn-mower seldom makes a man wish for more lawn, The pickpocket has many pockets from which to take his pick. —Philadelphia Bulletin, ‘OO strong—too weak—few bar cocktails ever are exactly right? CLUB COCKTAILS are mixed | unerringly, by measure, from the finest liquors procurable. They cannot vary—each one is | perfect because every mixture is aged and tested. after it’s measured. Insist on CLUB. | Just strain through cracked ice and serve. | Sevenvarieties; eachone | delicious—of all good gro- | cers and dealers. } G. F. HEUBLEIN ¢ BRO. = Sole Prova. <P marttora New York London Shaving Soap Williams This soap guarantees a perfect shave “The only soap that does not smart or dry on the face.” THE J. B, WILLIAMS COMPANY, Glastonbury, Conn. ORIGINAL DRAWINGS AND PAINTINGS From Five Dollars up HIGH-GRADE REPRODUCTIONS From Twenty-five Cents to a Dollar Come in when you are near and see what we hi If you can't come, write, Get in touch some i Picture Dept., Jupce Co., 225 Fourtu Av comicbooks.com