Judge — June 9, 1906 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

MR. MEEQUE AT THE BALL-GAME. = AM opposed to rowdyism and bullyragging of the umpire,” said Mr, Meeque as he settled back in his seat to witness the base- ball game between the home team and their hated rivals. ++ It is the one thing that is a detriment to our great and glorious—— What's that? Did that wooden-headed numbskullian call that astrike on our man? Why, that was no nearer a strike than the recent disturbances in the coal-fields ! “As Twas saying, this rough-housing works great detri- ment to our national game. Now, for my part, if I couldn't go to a game and abide by the decisions of the umpire, who is gen- erally a clear-headed and much-abus—— Did you ever hear the like of that? He called that fine hit a foul. Why, it couldn't be fairer if it had been a peroxide blonde. I can't sit still and see this much longer. It makes me hot enough to boil beans on top of Pike's Peak. «To continue our talk, As I was remarking, if I couldn't conduct myself in a decorous—— Why, the robber! That man was out if I ever saw a man put out. He could not have been more effectively separated from the base with the aid of a Dakota divorce. Why doesn’t he chloroform us if he is going to yegg the game from us that way? Is that the umpire who was reported to have had brain-fever last winter ?, Why, he can prove an alibi on that charge. “I certainly do detest this arguing at a- ballgame. Why, there is no more beautiful sport than baseball if it is played without kicking—— Did you hear that, Jones? He called that man safe and you sit there without raising your voice in pro- test. Ah, ha! So he’s going to lick our captain, eh? Well, we can all take a hand at that. © Come on, Jones "—— When the smoke of battle had cleared away and Mr. Meeque had been removed from the sewing-machine at Hope Hospital, his face looked as full of stitches as a renaissance piece at a rummage-sale. Is it any wonder man is called the unfair sex? A WASTE OF TIME. ). | never tan, no matter how much I'm out in the sun.” Goodness ! what's the use of having a vacation, then?” GREAT PLAN. 44] AM getting tired of this unending criticism of my donations for philanthropic purposes,” said the multi-millionaire. +1 wish I knew of some way to give money away that would get favorable comment.” There is one plan you might try,” said the private secretary. ‘You might cause it to be announced that you were going to make a donation of an immense sum toa charity whose identity should not be disclosed. Then they would all praise you for avoiding the limelight, and in the long run you would get more complimentary mention than from all your prior gifts.” We THE BACHELOR'S WONDER. Fair maid, In all your many guises, In any hat, whate'er the size is, In winter garb, chic, tailor-shaped, Or summer frou-frou, gauzes, draped, Your charm ne‘er falis, One thought arises— We wonder. wonder what the price is, And if we Could finance so much finery. «+ Fine !” exclaimed the multi-millionaire, ++ Fix it up, Scribbs. And say; the beauty about that scheme is I'll not be compelled to give a cent away, really.” WHEN THE RAIN CAME DOWN IN BUCKETFULS.