Judge — June 9, 1906 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘THE DIARY OF JULIUS. (Being certain fragments dug upfrovs beneath the ruins of the ancient Koman forum.) Januarius 4th, ESTERDAY I was passing the police court, and being in no special hur- ry I dropped into the forum to see what my old friend Junio Bunko was doing. Junio never was a lawyer; but one day, while the primary was deadlock- ed over the nomina- tion for police judge, Junio Bunko happen- ed to stroll in to bail out his bar-tender, and we seized upon him as a dark horse. We were very glad afterward, for it is a mighty good thing to have a police judge who has a far-reaching acquaintance with the push-heelers in the outlying wards, Junio knew them all. I found him trying the case of a tough-looking citizen who had been caught making a paste out of the head of a common citizen. He was just pronouncing sentence when I caught the full import of the scene. With the promptness which always characterizes my actions in times of extreme urgency, I rushed to the desk and caught him by the ear. y. Juni What "—— «He murdered a citizen and a voter "—— began Junio; but I cut him short. ++ He's the new boss of the Umpteenth Ward, out beyond the Ap- pian Way !"' I said sternly. I thought the poor fellow would have apoplexy. ** Per Hercle !"* he gasped, *+can it be possible?” Whereupon he rushed down and climbed over the railing and seized the prisoner's hand, and begged his pardon and gave him acigar. “A man must make some mistakes,” he said contritely. Then he and the outraged states- man went out and got a drink. I shudder to think what might have happened if the gods had not led my steps into the police court at the psychological moment. Lown oTvs nexse. BROKEN PROMISE. +e YOU advertise a home- like air about your place, do you not?” asked the guest. “1 do,” replied the hotel man. “You advertise that special effort is made to give a home-atmosphere to the dining-room, don't you ?” “Yes, sir.” «Then how is it that I have eaten four meals here and at none of them has any one told me that the cook is going to quit, that the milkman is che: that the Browns just must Leep their dog out of our “flower-beds, and that I W " 1 whispered, “what is the matter with you? expect my dinner to be sat- isfactory if I do not get home in time for it?” AN IRRESISTIBLE, Jinks—* Inside of three days I had kissed every girl on the beach.” Winks—« Why the dee lav?" A STAR. I hear you have gone on the stage.”” Mr. Srorx—"* Yep; I'm making a great hit in the love parts.”” THINGS WORTH KNOVING. ORGAN. John D. Rockefeller. Andrew Carnegie. Theodore Roose- velt. Your way home. When you are well off. That you don't owe accent. How to live within your income. Enough to go in when it rains. Where you can bor- row ten dollars. When the rent-col- lector is going to call. What your best girl will say when you pro- pose. What cards the oth- er bluffer holds in his hands. That Bob Ingersoll was right about that future place. That your wife really doesn’t cate for expensive hats. What a head you'll have to-motrow morning if you drink those other three. How to say no to Phyllis when she offers you one of her own Welsh rarebits. ‘ Beans. JUDGE'S FAVORITES. JULIA MARLOWE AS “JULIET "’ IN“ ROMEO AND juLier.”* You are) in all the name implies, a star. You bhine right on, you shine for aye: Your light ne’er wanes nor waxes. Why? Because you're best just as you are. A “HOW-TO” GRADUATE. +6 NJOW, my dear,” said the young husband after the cook had left in wrath, *« Twill go and get a nice rib-roast and some potatoes. and things, and I know you can prepare a dinner that will be fit for a king.” “1 could get up a luncheon, dar- ling, but hot a dinner.” “Why, you took first prize at cooking-school." “Yes; but I only stud- ied the branches that taught how to get up a dainty luncheon from the cold meats and scraps of yester- day's dinner. Oh, I'll tell you! You go somewhere and get some scraps and I'll make the dearest cro- quettes you ever tasted.” IN THE FUTURE, PERHAPS. *+MY CARD, sir,” ob- served the young man with the earnest face, entering the office of the president of the great trust. *+You will see that I am connected with Showem- upp's Magazine, 1am pre- paring to write a series of articles exposing you." ++ Just so,” replied the president of the great trust calmly, “Boy, take this gentleman to the advertis- ing manager. He will show you every courtesy, sir.” HIS DESCRIPTIVE SIGNATURE. E isa man of law and wit; Also a hairless man is he. His signature tells all of i «J. Wise, BA. LL.D."