Judge — May 26, 1906 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HIS GRUDGE. CIES we said to the stran- ger whom we were en- deavoring to enlist in our so- ciety for the preservation of Niagara Falls, now that we have outlined the motives and principles of our organization, will you not put your name on the roll?” «Not by a long shot,” he growled. “But, sir,” we argued, surprised at such a callousness toward the beauties ot nature, “surely you, like all other pa- triotic citizens, wish to see this majestic spectacle of grandeur preserved from the ruthless hands of commercialism.” “Don't care a hoot about it,” he muttered, turning as though to leave us. We clutched at his coat- lapel and begged him to wait JUDGE'S FAVORITES. ANNA JOMN: “DOROTHY MAYLAND"* ort Could our mistakes turn out As yours do on the stage This world and all our humdrum life Would, like yours, be the rage. a moment. ‘Do you mean to sa that you would not care if this mighty cataract were we-compelling sight to a meas- we continued changed from a marvelous, inspirin, ly, factory-dotted cliff?" he answered, shaking himself loose, ++I don’t “As I told you, I went there on care a continental cuss what becomes of Niagara. my wedding-tour.”” Then we noticed a large bump where his bald spot is growing to- THOSE TARDY PUBLISHERS. HE. great-foreign-novelist and his wite had been three or four days in this country. Already they were wearing smoked glasses to s while reading the scarlet head-lines over their goings- ward his neck. rest their ey out and comings-in. “This is outrageous !* exclaimed the wife of the real crushed gn-novelist as she the and newspaper in her hand hurled it across the room, ‘o what does m'dam asked her husband. Why, it is of the m'sicur le publisher. Was he not to have had it in the papers of America within is days ‘the rumor that n husband's wife? book sell many thousands, here comes the T have not not my It would of our next But see: next of editions, doubt it is printed in this." And she hurried away to intercept the and learn if their tardy pub- lisher self. WHAT HE CAME FOR. ss LTOW did you come to newsboy had redeemed him- get mixed up in this altercation ?” the prosecuting attorney, + Oi didn’t come te asked mixed up in it,” answered Pat; bill av foor dollars an’ twin- Oi come to collect a ty-siven cints.” \\y \ HE a against the accident of birth, is no insurance GETTING A * aw =\)\\ HITCHCOCK AND THE CAT THAT CAME BACK, HILE we were on the road with “Easy Dawson” I had the chance of my life to pose as a wit and show (if I possessed it’ my gift for repartee, But alas for the wonderful speeches that come too late for appreciation and applause! It was my cue for a song. The director waved his baton, the musical prelude began, and I stepped toward the footlights, when suddenly from the wings a black cat came forth and, walking between the leader and me, sat down and, looking up into my face, gave a terrific howl. “You go right back; this isn’t your cue,"I said quickly; and the cat got up and walked offas it she had been rehearsed. I had no sooner made this most ordinary speech than the thought occurred to me, " Why didn’t you distinguish yourself by saying, «This is not Tues- day,’ in allusion to the well- known rule at Henry W. Sav- age’s office, All voices tried on Tuesday.” That was what I remembered too late, and I told the company about it after the curtain came down, We all had a laugh about it, and I said, ++ Well, just let that cat try it again and I'll show her.” The next night, at the same hour and at the psychological mo- ment, the cat came back and did the identical stunt that she had done the night before. By this time all of the people on the stage were watching me expectantly, and I could hear whispered everywhere, “Go it, old man! My! but you're lucky!” And to save my life I couldn't say a word to that cat. I laughed until my sides ached, but I could not articulate a single word, and the cat walked off—and never came back. RAYMOND HITCHCOCK. RAYMOND MITENCOCK. EXTENUATING. Vippan—« He married a divorced woman, didn’t he?” Tuck—+ Yes; but she had only been divorced a few days.” THOSE IMPERTINENT VANDALS. by — It's awful Wagysby just « What is?” Naggsby—« Why, it's just terrible how originality is discouraged by those who make a business of disput- Some day, as like some vandal will nd deny that invented ing it. not, come along Grover Cleve! ‘innocuous desuetude* and that Roosevelt invented * strenuous life’ and * muck- rakers. AS IT SEEMED TO PA. Se PJOW'D you like to be my brother-in-law ? asked little Albert. I would like it very the young man an- swered. “Do think there is any hope for me ?” Well, I dunno. Sis and ma seem to think so, much, you t pa says you're hope- less.” HER POSSESSIONS. 66] HAVE two lovely little puppies,” said Mrs, Tawkley. + Uhave met your hus- band," replied the man. ++ Who is the other one? *RE-BAIT.