Judge — May 12, 1906 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SOME THINGS THAT MAKE US MAD. The old boy with the horizontal umbrella on the L stairs. ‘THE LITTLE INJUSTICES OF MARRIED LIFE. 'UDGE is amazed at the extent of the petty injustices that prevail ried life. The newspapers are thronged with the stories of conjugal disaster, and upon investigation it turns out in almost every instance that the trouble began with some slight discourtesy, some miserable, petty annoyance or trifling injustice. Here is a woman, for instance, haled into court by her husband on the ground of cruelty, hypnotism, and several other things. It appears that she keeps boarders. One of her boarders she habitually refers to in some correspondence which was brought into court as “* My dear, darling Johnny“ and + My honeysuckle.” On the other hand, her husband claims that her usual form of address in speaking to him was ** You fool,” +* You brute,” and * You liar." Now, this is mani- festly unjust—one of those annoying trifles which are to a home what sand is ‘on the axle of a cart-wheel. No sensitive man likes to have himself called a brute by his wife, who at the same time speaks of her boarder as + My honey- suekle.”” Take another case. A man having a grievance against his wife cooks up a little scheme. He gets a lady-friend to write him a letter running as follows: “My own dearest—I want you here this very minute to put my arms around you and make you feel happy. Oh, dearie! I have just cried my eyes out since I got your letter this morning." There are several thousand more words of this same high degree of Fahrenheit, but it is not necessary to quote them here, The letter ends: *+ Your little girl will be as true and faith- ful as a girl can be." This letter is discovered in his pocket by his wife when she is getting ready to clean a grease-spot off the lapel of his coat with a piece of soap-bark. She reads the letter, and then she forgets to clean the grease- spot. Somehow that letter interferes with her housework for the rest of the day. It is very difficult for a wife to go on about her work after finding a let- ter of this character, and eventually she mentions the matter to John—just casually mentions it to him, you know. John claims that he got up the whole business simply to find what dear little wifey would say. Now he knows. These are the little injustices which married people should guard against more care- fully than they do. A CONFESSION. SOYYOULD you mind telling the court,” asked the examining attorney, “where and when you laid the foundations of this structure of graft that has overshadowed your life ?” The once famous man who had been mercilessly exposed and must now pay the penalty r his misdeeds lifted his haggard face and replied, «Twill tell you, in the hope that it may serve as a warning to the young— to the very young. My first step in graft was when, as a boy of six or seven, I compelled my big sister's admirers to bribe me to leave the parlor by giving me pennies and nickels and dimes. Step by step I can trace my downfall from that evil time.” QUIET expectoration is encouraged in a western railway-sation by the sign, “No spitting aloud.” CURRENT REFLECTIONS. HE situation as to the lady is rather awkward than Gorky. One question that arises is, will Andrew change the spelling of the word steel ? We cannot really blame the compositor who referred to it as «Another hair born to Rocke- feller.” Why that earthquake shook up San Francisco instead of Phil- adelphia is one of the inscrutable mysteries. The best way to reform spell- ing to the satisfaction of Brandr Mathuz and his felo-labrers is not to teach it. There is, of course, plenty of room at the top still, and yet there are times, with Roosevelt in the chair, when the space seems over- crowded, While we do not propose to take sides in this Gorky business, we'd like to ask some of the great Russian’s critics if they ever saw Adam and Eve's marriage cer- tificate. FITTING. Mrs. Shopper—"1 wish to buy a present for a servant-girl. Can you suggest something appropriate ?” ‘Salesman—« Certainly. Give her a traveling-bag.” NOTHING comes so near to ** censure" as ++ good advice.” 3.6 nae me pe wee HIS CAPACITY. Brown—"' should think you'd show a little more strength of mind, Jaggs. Now, I can take two drinks and stop."* Jacos—"Thash nuthin’, Brownsy. | (hic) kin take twenty ‘n’ shtop."* comicbooks.com