Judge, 1906-05-12 · page 4 of 16
Judge — May 12, 1906 — page 4: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains primarily **humor columns and short pieces** rather than political cartoons. The main illustrated content shows "On the Contrary" — a domestic scene where a woman confronts an old man about automobiles, with the caption suggesting he's fearful of cars ("Uncle Sam speaks" poem appears to be about California earthquakes and natural disasters, not politics). The page includes various humorous anecdotes and reader Q&A sections ("Ethel's Question," "Frank," "The Answer," "In Embryo," "As Spoken"). These focus on **social humor**: courtship advice, servant/employer dynamics, and wordplay rather than political satire. Without clear identification of specific figures or dated political references in the illustrations, this appears to be **general entertainment and social commentary** typical of Judge's satirical but non-partisan humor content.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
ETHEL’S QUESTION. THEL is three years old. Father, father !" «Father, father, father!" He struggled and resisted and floundered, and finally raised his eyelids like a man Jifting giant Her father came home the other afternoon, after working three days and nights under high pressure, with no sleep to speak of, and lay down with the feeling that he might not wake up for aweek. Within five minutes the greatest amount of noise would not have aroused him. Three-quarters of an hour later, from the depths of his dreams, he heard a clear, small voice, «Father, father ! The sleeper stirred and sank deeper. BEGINNING AT HOME. NO doubt the great librariac got his idea of spelling-re- form from the pho- netic orthography of “Skibo.” But how would he like to see the name of a certain canny laird spelled + &e Karna-ge"? WITHOUT A HITCH. weights. When sight came to him he saw Ethel +e YOU say the wed- smiling divinely beside his couch, «Father, father !"" ««Wha-at is it, daughter?” «Father, are you having a nice nap?" THE BEST HE HAD. Lady—'See here! ain't you ashamed to be hitting that poor FICTION is simply horse with that whip?” Driver—“1 be, mum. He don't mind it a bit. kindly hand me dat fence-rail ?” UNCLE SAM SPEAKS. LVESUVIUS, most majestic queen, Throned by your sapphire sea, In robes of crimson lava streams ‘And crown of blazonry, Your heaving bosom shakes the land, Your angry frown appalls, And Italy grows gray with fear Whene’er your sceptre falls. But say, Vesuve! You'll have to get a move On yourself if you want to keep up with Me. See? You don't? Well, rear up on your hind legs, Stretch your neck And rubber over here At our California wreck. Made right at home, too, And no foreign importation, It’s the Real Thing done on the spot ; That's what, And you are not Init A minute With me. See? We're modest in our way, Not caring about earthquakes every day ; But say! When we do have one We put all others on the run, And we don't sputter and flare up pd blow out About It, either, like you do, Your Uncle Samuel is the goods, And when his flag ’s unfurled For earthquakes, or for anything, He simply beats the world. And say, Vesuve! You watch Frisco And see something doin’ In the wreck and the ruin, Watch ‘em and choose ‘em as patterns For people that lay down and whine ‘When they're punched in the slats by dis- aster And call it the wrath divine. fist watch “em, T tell you, and see ‘em aise up from their earthquake and do The things that will make their old city A slum, as compared with the new, “alifornians are wonders. They are built on a plan to win, And the Golden Gate stands open For the wealth of the world to come in. That's Jucle Sam, And he don’t givacontinental. Let the earthquakes come, From centre to girth ; They can't shake the Yankee Off the earth. Skiddoo? Not much! ‘And 23? He beats it to a frazzle, See? w.j.userron, ding went off without a hitch ?"” «Yes; the fellow who was to be + hitch: ed ‘didn't show u a case of making Would yer a love-story end hap- ON THE CONTRARY. “Uncle Henry, does Bill scare at automobiles?" “Not him. Why, avtomobiles is so plenty he’s scared if he don't meet enny.”” JUDGE'S FAVORITES. MISS MABEL ROWLAND IN IMITATIONS. Your imitations, miss. are true; They've life and animation, But what we like about them 's you ‘And not the imitation. . FRANK. 66] IZZIE,” said the mistress, com- ing into the kitchen, +I shall have to let you go after this week.” “Why, Mrs. Fijjits,"” answered the cook, “I am sorry. Haven't I given satisfaction ?” “Yes; you have been perfect.” “And I've worked for you a whole year.” “Yes, Indeed, I am sorry to let you go. «But I don’t see why you do. If you had any complaint "—— “I may as well tell you the truth, Lizzie, Everywhere I go I hear all the other women talking about the trouble they have keeping a cook, and as things are I simply have no opportunity to join in the conversation. And asa consequence I find it is interfering with my social career.” THE ANSWER. D™® Jupce (a constant reader writes) : I'd really like to know How long girls should be courted. Respectfully, Joun Doe. Dear John (we frankly answer him): When you feel Cupid nudge Court long girls same as short ones, And best success from Ju IN EMBRYO, The bud— How did you get your first start in life, senator ?” * The senator —* Why —er—1 haven't really got started yet, you know. 1am only worth ten millions as yet.” AS SPOKEN. A BRIQUETTE is a litle brick— But let this notion soak Into your mem'ry: a croquette Is not a little croak. New Yorker— What's the use of running? You say the train never leaves on time.” Suburbanite— It would if we walked.”