Judge — April 28, 1906 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ABOVE SUSPICION. “ Howdy, Br'er Simpson? Ah didn’ know yo" wuz ‘dicted ter equestrianizzum.”" Dis yer's kerosene in de daimyjohn; an’, mo'n dat, yo’ kin smell mah breff.”” “No mo’ Ah ain't, Brer Johnson. AN INTERNATIONAL DIFFERENCE. IN FRANCE, The girl's father — And now, having settled the financial mat- ters to our mutual satisfaction, I will speak to my daughter, and you may present yourself to her in the character of fiancé.” The suitor—* Monsieur is graciousness itself." IN AMERICA, The girl—« Papa, Harold and I are engaged and will be married this spring.” The girl's father—“ Well, | suppose it's all right. Does he look like anybody I know 2” AN ACROSTIC. JUMPING about the country, Looking for wrong and right, Into each well-hid cranny Nosing with all his might. Catching a crook a minute, Opening many a sore ; Losing no half-way chance for Naming one rascal more. Seeing, with optics ruthless, ‘Things the corrupt would hide ; Endlessly asking questions— Fearless, ‘tis not denied. Finding a wealth of subjects Everywhere he goes— Now that you've read his title, See if 'tis who you s'pose! 8. w. c. WHAT HE MAKES, Teacher—" A man buys an automobile for $1,000 and sells it for $1,100, what does he make ?” Boy —He makes an oath never to buy, another one.” TOOK FIRST PRIZE. “MY DOG took first prize at a cat-show.”” «« How was that ?”” “He took the cat.” WHat is one man’s stumbling- block is another man’s step- ping-stone. Frienp—‘' Phew! UP-TO-DATE JOURNALISM, THE ingenuity of the metropoli- tan editor is amazing. For example : Vesuvius is in full blast, and so are the foreign correspond- ents, One eruption just about matches the other—both are spec- tacular, Lava darkens all the landscape of Italy, and an inky smudge darkens the front pages . of the Gotham evening extras pub- lished the day before yesterday. Then comes a day when there is nothing more to say. The vol- cano news has been told. But surely there is something more. How can the editor skip a day, waiting for Vesuvius to get busy again? He can't. There must be a big story for the next issue. This waiting for things to happen is medieval. The editor gives a curt order, When the paper hits the street the head-lines are in full eruption : WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF A VESUVIUS BROKE QUT NEAR NEW YORK ? REASSURING. Junior partner—* Our creditors are beginning to suspect that we are hard up.” Senior partner—“We must reassure them. Don't you know some actress who would be willing to elope with you?” Woman—* Now, if you don’t leave at once I'll call my husband— and he’s an old Harvard football player.” Tramp—* Lady, if yer love him don’t call him out. play wid Yale.” I used ter A CONGENIAL ATMOSPHERE. Your place smells of naphtha.” Arnist—"" Yes. You see, | use benzine instead of oll to mix with my paints.”* Friewo>— How these automobile dudes will feel at home when they come to sit for thelr portraits!"