Judge — April 7, 1906 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

con sider now the ways and wiles of the woman that moveth ; How she pack- eth her Turkish rugs and her Sé& vres china And her cut glass and her mar- ble statuettes ; Yea, all her ex- pensive goods she packeth upon the outside of the load, Where the neighbors may be- hold and envy, And marvel greatly, And think that she is of vast wealth, and that she cutteth much society ice. Vanity of van- ities—all is mov- ing vanity! WELL, WELL! se[NDEED,” the lecturer went on in a quizical way, “I believe I am justified in asserting that nine women out of ten practically propose to the men they become engaged to. As a test, I would ask all married men in the audience whose wives virtually popped the question to them to arise.” There was a subdued rustle in the auditorium, and in the dense silence that ensued could be heard sibilant feminine whispers in con- cert, “Just you dare to stand up!” ‘THE MODERN FATHER. 46\JJHEN Iwas your age, Tommy, I had no mother and father. Strangers took care of me, and they beat me and didn’t al- ways give me plenty to eat.” «But now you've got it nice with us,” his son replied, «and mamma gives you to eat three times a day.” and make another fortune, sir." COULD DO IT AGAIN. Mr. Gorrox—"" Suppose I were to tell you that I was a bankrupt—that every dollar of my fortune had been swept away—would you still be willing to marry my daughter?” , Cuotty Sorry (enthusiastically) —" Why, of course | would! THE HOUSE *. LOST. SOYJHEN Twas WwW in Albu. querque,” said the returned traveler, “TL went into the Blue Goose tavern, and was shaking dice with the bar- tender, when, just after I had thrown three sixes and put down the dice-box, there was an earth quake. “How fright- ening!" said the listener. © What did you do?" “The only thing I could do— stood there. And, would you bel it? the earthqua rocked the build- ing back and forth and up and down, and upset the dice- box so that the dice fell out, mak- ing a hand of three fives.” 3?" again queried the lis- tener. “So, of course, that made the drinks on the house,” concluded the returned traveler as he called the waiter. ‘Such a man as you could easily pitch in VERY PLAIN. 64] NOTICE," said the carping critic, “that in this ode to liberty you say, “(The message came to the listening land, The winds of heaven bore on each word ; And hill and valley and plain and strand Were glad for the marvel of what they heard.’ “Yes, sir,” replied the hopeful poet. But how in the name of sense can a land hear?” ««1—er—I suppose a land has frontiers, hasn't it?” A TERRIBLE CYCLONE IN KANSAS. Ixe Corntosse.—‘* Jump fer yer cyclone-celler, Hank, and be lively, too!" Hanx Meapercrass—"* Wa-al, | be blowed!"* comicbooks.com