Judge — March 24, 1906 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE TROUBLES.OF OLAF NORDENSKGLD. . HECTOR DUSELMANN, mayor of Pinhook, was visited in his office last evening by Olaf Nordenskold, a rich farmer who lives seven miles north of town, who had just come in from his place in a disheveled Condition and in a screaming rage. “Vat kin’ av country you call dis?” cried the angry farmer, shaking a threatening finger under the nose of the chief officer of the town,“ Ay call it hal av country, an’ Ay can prove dat Ay ban right. Ay got hay to sall—man in town want hay to buy. Ay load up load av hay an’ start haul him to man in town. Ay got good horse on my vagon—no oxen on my vagon—good horse. He wave his tail; he keek his heel; he yump an’ pull dey line. Ay ban on dey load hay an’ got planty business drive dat team—got hal yob dey don’t run ‘vay. Yoost ven Ay ban von mile on road oop come sachs Irishmans, an’ he got ‘bout feefty cattles—goot fat cattles he drive to town to sall. Dem Irishmans ban all vild like crazy mans, an’ yall an’ yall an’ yall, an’ Ay ban skart an’ my horse he run, Ay hol’ on dem horse an’ pull an’ pull like hal. Dem horse he dancin’ an’ cuttin’ all kin’ treks, an’ Ay ban skarter an’ skarter. Dann dem feefty cattles he yump for dat hay, an’ dem sachs Irishmans he la‘f an’ yall an’ let dem cattles yump. Ay tank dem cattles naver ban had some sooch good hay lak dem. ° Dey eat an’ eat an‘ eat like avery cattles ban two davels, an’ mine hay he goin’ fast. Venn Ay yall at dem cattles my horse he t’ank Ay yall by heem, an‘ he yump an’ keek an’ pull on dey line lak steam-an-gine. An’ denn dem sachs Irishmans he all laff an* holler, too, an’ all dem say « Ole, Ole, Ole! an’ keep seekin’ dem cattles on dem hay. Pratty soon my horse dey run two mile lak hal, an’ Ay lose off mine hat off an’ ban skart like rab- bit. Dem cattles run, too, an’ dem Irishmans run, too, an’ all dey time dem cattles eat hay, an’ all eat hay on gee side dat load of hay, an’ purty soon bimeby after little vile dem hay all gone on dem side vere dem cat- tles ban, an’ von dem cattles bite off dem hay-rope dat hol’ dem bind- er-pole down, an‘ dem binder-pole fly oop high in dey sky, an’ Ay fly, too, an’ fall down on dem back by mine horse, an’ dere on hees back Ay ride dem horse while dey run vunce more two mile like railroad- car, an’ dem hay all fall on dey road an’ dem Irishmans seekin’ dem cattles on dem hay. Ay ban feefty times so mad lak hal, an’ venn sooch t'angs moost in dis country be Ay leef dis country an‘ go by Sweden back. Tall me, Mister Duselmann ; vat skall dis country do by dem davels Irishmans 2?” The mayor promised to see about it, and the raging Scandinavian went aw OWA J. PARKER. A DUEL-LOGUE, THE RAILROADS. COME cough a litte money ree reds for ev ‘Though yapping like a frightened pup And showing nary smile. Come, pay your three centavos for Each four-times-eighty rods ; Pay money—real money—or We'll dump you, by the gods! Come, hand us legal tender—three nduticles per jump ; For every hundred miles ‘twill be Three dollars in a lump. Hand out the hard mazuma ; rk over, pungle, bleed ; Cape Cod clean ty Yuma It’s current coin we need. Fro THE NEWSPATERS. Cough up, yourselves, confound you, 1 every line we print! ‘The masses that surround Shall never have a hint Of what you plan or ponder _ Unless you pay us cash— Your rvads from here to yonder May go to tarnal smash, Produce the proud piasters kicked ere you were spurred. ay the bills we send you, We'll gladly buy our rides And smilingly extend you ‘Some courtesies besides. HELEN, a little girl of four years, came to her moth- er with a look of pain in her face and said, Mamma, 1 have two bad headaches.” “Two headaches?” said her mother. + How can that be?" “Well, I have one above cach eye.” A GLANCE INTO THE FUTURE OF SKY-SCRAPING NEW YORK. comicbooks.com