Judge — March 17, 1906 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘TERENCE FEELS A BIT STUCK UP OVER NEWS FROM HIS SON. EPO UST think 1 said Mrs. Ter + Me b’y Moike, in Noo Yarruk, writes. his feyther thot he’s joost afther bein’ op-per-ray-ted on fer ap-pen-/i-tis. Terence, he's a good bit shtook oop be th’ noose bekase there int nobody around here iver had ap-pen- di-tis, barrin’ owld Mrs, Hefferle, th brooer's woife, an’ it’s sivinty-sivin darlers her owld man was afther payin’ th’ two docthors as kim over frum Criston fer th’ op-per-ray-tion. “Twas a divil av a bit av bad look Moike was afther hovin’ thot roon him oop ag’in th’ throoble, He wroites 00s thot he was inwoited out t’ a + shwill foonction * —phativer th’ divil a ‘foonction’ may be-at a brown-shtone frontispiece house on Fift’ Avenoo, an’ thot th’ cheff, or chiff, or chaff—me owld man cuddent git th’ shtraight roights av it—had filled him oup wid Wilch rabbit—rabbit! Fer me, Oi'd as soon ate a cat as a iled pussy-cat sit hivyy on his shtum- in’ achin’ an’ rabbit—an’ thot th’ little cotto in’, sakin’ to’ git shut av th’ roomblin’ an’ groombli painin’, me poor b’y shwilled down siveral pints av rid pop—hivins! think av it! An Oirishman drinkin’ POP !—an’ th’ kitty-cat an’ th’ shwatened wind both togither twishted some av Moike’s insoide conthraptions six ways fer $ an’ a coople av ixpinsive docthors had t’ coom in an’ open him oop loike a roipe wathermillin an’ cut th’ ap-pen-di-tis out an’ throw it away an’ thin sew him oop ag’in loike a bushted grain-sack: “<'Th’ op-per-ray-tion coom t’ a hoonderd an’ sivinty-foive darlers, an’ him hovin’ but th’ sivinty-foive, he askes 00s, wid a tair-drop on th’ litther- paper, Ube afther sendin’ t him. th’ hoonderd darlers make th’ rist av it. Me owkd man, Terence, sint it t wanst. an’ him roight gay t'do it; fer there ain't an Oirishman widin tin moiles av Pinhook iver had ap-pen-dé-tis, or annything ilse wid half th’ shtyle U it.” Oa J. Pann WILLIE'S HOBBY. When Willie began to sport a hobby-horse He joined an outing club. of course, But finds he's kept too busy to have any fun, For seventy times around the park is an ordinary run. GETTING THE DROP ON HIM. THE POET AND THE EDITOR. The Veet save the Editor firit Said he—*V have wo drink to drink with, Or I might drink Editor —“ Why don't you buy yourself a drink?” Tect~ +1 have no chink to chink with, Or I might chink.” Editor —» You dou't think highly of yourself, de you?" Poct—*1 have no think to think with, Or I might think. Ez a want to paint the town, K to pink with, Or T might pink. Editor—Why dow't you write and earn the mm Poct—"V have no ink to ink with, Or 1 might ink.” Editor— Why don't you marry and be a Poct +1 have no giel to link with, Or T might link." Editor—* Well, | won't waste any more time on you, Get out!” oct—T have no slink to stink with, Or I might slink.” ‘The Editor handed out the price of a potation and the Poet potated. Ww. LAMPTON. STILL WILLING. *s YOU have changed,” sighs the fond wife, while the brutal hus- band continues to read his paper. ++ No more do yo care to exhibit the little signs of affection in which you once seemed to take delight. Why, [can recall when you persuaded me to have my tooth pulled by promising that you would come to the dentist's with me and hold my hand for me while the tooth was extracted But now all is different.” She gazes moodily into the fire brutal husband mutters to his paper, + You're utterly mistaken. I'd be glad to hold your hand now Stung by her remarks, the if you were having a tooth pulled.” books.com