Judge — March 17, 1906 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A PHILIPPINE SOLILOQUY. The winter's snows May numb your toes ; The chilling breeze May make you freeze ; The frost may stain Your window pane ; Your coal bill may Soar far away Beyond your power to ever pay, Unti! you think that some fine day You'll pack your trunk and sail away. Come east, then, frozen friend, come east And tive amongst a tropic feast Camp in the “bosque,"* and take your case, y of Brobdingnagian fleas ; Where bugs and centipedes and ants Craw! down your neck and up your pants ; Where cockroaches three inches long sit on your ear and sing a song sweet pathetic strain kes you feel quite young again, Until you hit yourself a crack That lays you dizzy on your back ; Where the mosquito, in his pride, Bores through your unresisting hide ; Where lizards of Munchausen size color right before your eyes, And snakes the realism add Until you think you're going mad. All this is free—no need to fly ‘And drain the whiskey-bottle dry. Perfection, friend, cannot be found On any spot of earthly ground, In Arctic cold, or tropic heat, You'll find the bitter and the sweet Mixed in a most peculiar way, Until the moral seems to say That where you are you'd better stay. JOHN AL MENSMALL. ‘A colloquialism for the country districts. VERY LIKELY. “+ Where there 's smoke there must be fire.’ Now, there's a quotation that never seemed to me toring true. I won- der who first said that ?" “Some woman, probably, upon hearing an improbable story about a neighbor." — Philadelphia Press. IN A REVOLUTION. “Speaking of revolutions,” began the loquacious man, * | was the central figure in one myself once.” “Somewhere in South America?” 0; in Massachusetts. I got caught inthe shafting of a woolen-mill."—Phtla- delphia Ledger. “THEM” NOT “IT. Dumley—* Say, old man, I bought a birthilay” present for my fiancée to-day and | wish you'd take it home and let your wife see Benedick — What for ?" Dum "Well, when I looked at the thing in the store I thought it was a neck- lace, but they sent a pair of thei and I'm sure they're not bracelet: York World, For Dandruff and Baldness. Packer's Tar Soap Pure as the Pines An Ideal Shampoo with healing | and antiseptic properties. Soothes | the scalp. Strengthens the Hair. Recommended by Physicians. UNCLE EPH HAS CONFIDENCE IN WOMAN. I blieve dar's a whole lot uv women dat ‘ud marry er man on Friday, the 13th day uv de month, an’ some uv ‘em ‘ud do it ef he wuz dere thirteenth husbun’, too. Dey sho’ would.—Dallas Vews. SORDID, LIKE MR. BRADY. “ Don’t you yearn for the halcyon days of the drama 2° “No,” answered Mr. Barnes. “The modern much more satisfactoi Star. Stormington pay-days are — Washington AN INQUIRY. Orator—“ God maie the country and man made the town. YFoknny —“Then were the suburbs made in Germany ?"—New York Sun. HE HAD, Mrs. Casey—" Has yer husband any inflooence ?* Mrs. Hogan— Begobs, he’s under it alll the time."— Ex. GRAND TO LIVE AND THE LAST LAUGH IS ALWAYS THE BI “Six months ago I would have laughed at the idea that there could be anything better for a table bev than coffee,” writes an Ohio woman ; “ now I laugh to know there is. “Since childhood | drank coffee as freely as any other member of the fam- ily. The result’ was a puny, sickly girl, and as I grew into womanhood 1 did ‘not gain in health, but was afflicted with heart trouble, a weak and disordered stomach, wrecked ‘nerves, and a general breaking down, till last winter at the age of thirty-eight I seemed to be on the verge of consumption. My friends greeted me with, ‘How bad you look! What a terrible color!" and this was not very comforting. “The doctors and patent medicines did me absolutely no good. I was thoroughly discouraged. “Then / gave up coffee and com-| menced Postum Food Coffee. At first Ididn’t like it, but after a few trials and following the directions exactly, it was grand, twas refreshing and’ satisty- ing. In a couple of weeks I noticed a great change. I became stronger, my brain grew clearer, I not troubled with forgetfulness as in coffee times, my power of endurance was more than doubled. The heart trouble and indi- gestion disappeared, and my nerves be- came steady and strong. “T began to take an interest in things about me. Housework and home-mak- ing became a pleasure, My friends have marveled at the change, and when they inquire what brought it about, answer *Postum Food Coffee, and nothing else in the world." Name given by Postum Co., Battle Creek, Mich. There’sareason, Re “The Road to Wellville LIZZIE WAS A BIRD. Lizzie Miller, a Bordentown lady, who had just done three months in the county | jail, came to Burlington Saturday afte noon to paint it red. She finished that job up quick and now is doing another sixty-day trick in Mount Holly. ‘Squire Smith kindly furnished her a sixty-day excursion ticket. Lizzie is a bird.—Bur- ington Gazette, ROMEIKE’S [ress cote pareas wit send you all newspaper clippings which may appear about you, your friends, fany mbiect on which you want to be “up to date.” Every newspaper and periodical of importance in the United States and Europe is searched. Terma, $5.00 lor 0 Haxny Romance, 33 Union Square, N. ¥ The Packer Mig. Co., New York. SUBURBAN QUESTION. Stella—"How long will your gown be 2?” Bella— Well, { don't know whether to have the train made accommodation or express."—New York Sun. A DROP. Stella—* She used to call him the light Bella— Yes ; buthe has been reduced |to eighty cents."—Ex, UTY—that’s about all that makes foreign cham- pagnes cost double the price of COOR’S lexraa Ghampagne Ship freight cuts some figure, but it is mostly duty. It's your duty to prove the superiority of the American product. as Different from the others because it is ahvays good Hotels, Clots, Restaurants, Oyster and Chop Houses THE ADVENTURES OF NERVY NAT are carefully collected and gathered in a neat binding for the among his many it of $.85 we will send this book to any dress, postage prepaid. JUDGE COMPANY, New York MR. PANCAKE ACCEPTS A POSITION. Kenneth Pancake, who has been the guest of his aunts the Misses Teays, in this city, the past several weeks, has re- turned to his home at Catlettsburg to accept his position in a dry-goods store in that city.—S¢, Albans Herald. STILL NECESSARY. A bridegroom is still necessary in a modern wedding, though inconspicuous, —St. Louis Globe- Democrat. THE FAMOUS Twentieth Century Limited OF THE Is THE Great Eighteen Hour Train between New York and Chicago. It saves a day, and practically makes the run in a night. Nothing quite cquals it. A copy of the 52-page Illustrated Catalogue, giving a synopsis of each of tycone Woks now comprising the New Vork Central's. ++ Four-Track "as well as a small halfet receipt of a two-cent stamp, by ( ing Department, Room 186, reproductio pur line, will be sent free, postpa orge I. Central of each of eleven beautiful ny address, on nager General Advertis- ork. Dar DALY, Passenger Traffic Manager, New York. Best Line to Cincinnati and St. Louis—New York Central ~ comicbooks.com