Judge — March 17, 1906 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

cheapest thing in this world, and yet one wor a woman's yes. costs millions. Tam a young man eighteen years of age, and see a young lady almost ight on the railroad train. I like this young lady very-much, but I do not know her. Can you tell me how Tam to get tw know her? G. W. A. You can manage this very easily. Ask the conductor to run the train over an embankment and then take a seat near the young lady. In the ensuing wreck you will be thrown together more or less, and an introduction will almost certainly follow. Please give me a recipe for making prune roll. Housexerrer. Take one pound of store-prunes and disinfect with slaked lime. Remove all foreign substances, chop and stew. Roll out a rich dough, inclose the prune-mash, and hake as you would jelly-tarts. But don’t look for jelly-tarts because you do this. You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear. Serve with cream, Prune roll served with cream acquires a certain standing in society which is impossible without the cream, T understand a large number of bills are introduced in congress.” Will you kindly tell me what these bills are like and what sort of legislation they offer? LAW-STUDENT. Yes; avery large number of bills are introduced in congress. We cannot tell yon just what these bills are like, Generally speaking, a bill suggests to our minds a butcher or a tailor. These congress bills are not like that at all, ‘They are more beautiful, engaging, ir- idescent. When the new congressman arrives in Washington he feels that he owes a great deal to his constituents. So he draws as many of these bills as he can think up and pays said constituents. Among the most interesting bills introduced in this con- Kress are those to clip hees’ wings and stingers, to investi- gate the high seas, to exter- minate dogfish, to prevent adulteration of Kentucky blue grass, to compel Pullman-car porters to keep unoccupied berths shut, and to induce the railroads to rebate a little something to the people and to be kind to us. Will you explain what is meant by a ‘scientific bringing-up” for ababy? ANXtouUs MoTitER. A baby scientifically brought up is: brought up just the opposite of the old unscien- tific way. You must not take hold of the hands of a baby being scientif- ically brought up, for the baby may take millions of germs off your hands. You must not look at him, for that would agitate his little brain and cause reason to totter on her throne. Of course you must not rock this baby, for that would jelly his spinal- cord. To kiss baby is about the most unscientitic thing you could do. And don’t talk baby-talk to him—he cannot understand it. Don't speak to him while nurse is bathing him, for nurse might get the sponges mixed, and that would be highly un- scientific. A soft bed should be dent ery!" ate don't agree wid me! EXCRUCIATING ON BOTH SIDES. Wituie Hirro (weeping) —"' Br-r-r! Dat barrel uv green apples | jest Jocko Monk (nervously)—" Well, fer heaven's sake, Hippy, please way not to get what you want in this world is to ask for it—and that’s no. merry aphi= rism, either. abominated, and you should let him go to sleep alone and in the dark. This gives baby a scientific hackbone and nerves to match. No scien- tific baby is really loved, because love is blind and foolish and old- fashioned. The scientific baby is never twins, and he has no brothers or sisters, for this is all unscientific. When the scientific baby grows up he is apt to be a beautiful, seven-ply, confounded nuisance, but he never grows up. He early becomes a scientific angel, or else marries a foreign nobleman. But in that case, of course, he isa girl. The scientifically-brought-up girl is a wonder. The scientist has not yet been found who understands her. Is it correct to say “Can T have this?” ; because the chances are you can't. Please tell me just what occurred when Mr. Taft fired Mr. Wallace. Did Mr. T. almost curse Mr. W.? ALICE. No, Alice; Mr. Taft did not almost curse Mr. Wallace. He ssalmost crushed" him. But here is exactly what happened. Mr. Wallace met Mr. Taft and Mr. Cromwell, He told these gentlemen that he had an offer of $65,000 a year on another job. Mr. Taft was almost in tears, and Mr. Cromwell did shed a few. Some say this was because Mr. Wallace had copped off such a dandy position, but we do not think so. Then Mr. Taft said, « John, you—you But he was too overcome to finish the sentence. It was at first reported that Mr. Taft ++ almost cursed" him, but this was an error. Mr. Wal- lace afterward said he was almost crushed—that is, he felt that he had been sat upon. We must take Mr. Wallace's word as final in a matter of this kind. If he says he wa: most crushed we shall have to believe that the verti- cal downward pressure was considerable while it ted. Everybody connected with this historic incident has used the qualifying «almost ” in describing it, so we venture to say that the above is “almost true in every partic- ular. At what age should a girl marry? KATHLEEN. Any old age. CIRCUMSPECT. E voice of conscience began mak- ing remarks to the man, Bless me!" he meditated, «this * is embarrassing. Evidently these remarks are aimed indi- rectly at me; but certainly I should not listen, for it is s that eavesdroppers hear no good of themselves.” Consequently he turned a deaf ear to his conscience and faced the world smilingly. A LA PATTL S6\JHY did you persist in calling your visit to this country last season a fare- well tour ?"' asked her manager coldly. +t was in no sense a farewell.” + Yes, it was,” replied the famous prima donna, +I fared very well.” fire. neve der