Judge — March 10, 1906 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WHAT IS A MULE? ‘ HAT is a mule? A bundle of gristle and muscle and bone, - ‘The chiefest of sinners beneath God's throne. One moment he’s dreaming, An angel beseeming ; The next one he raises—a Georgia cy- clone— And that is a mule! What is a mule? A sphinx by the wayside no mor- tal can guess, Whose hard head says no when his heels say yes. Half angel, half devil. Half good and half evil, He makes you see stars with his wild caress— And that is a mule! SILAS X. FLOYD. THE INVESTIGATORS. A TRAGEDY OF THE PRESENT TIMES. ACT I. Scene, the Investigating Chambers. Present: the Mag- nate, the Investigator, eight Attorneys, counsel and other legal men for the Magnate, reporters, photographers, portrait sketch artists, daguerreotypers, tin-typers, silhouettists, more reporters, other report- ers, and a few reporters. Also some reporters. At the back of the stage a group of kodakers, camera fiends, flash-lightists, and snap- shotters. The Magnate enters the witness-box. THE INVESTIGATOR (ingratiatingly)—Now, Mr. Doyle, what is your name, please ? THE MAGNATE (calmly) —I refuse to answer, dy advice of counsel. Q.—Isn't it a fact that your name is Stannard Doyle? A.—I refuse to answer. Q.—Why do you refuse to answer? A.—I refuse to answer. Q.—Is that your answer, Mr. Doyle? A.—I refuse to answer. COUNSEL FOR THE MAGNATE (excitedly)—I object to having the testimony taken in shorthand, typewritten, written in long hand, or printed by hand in Arabic characters. I insist that all Mr. Doyle’s replies be printed on white wax with a branding-iron. (Investigator grows red in the face, swallows several portions of nd begins on a new tack.) INVESTIGATOR (sarcastically) —Now, Mr. Doyle— MAGNATE—I refuse to ans the surrounding atmosphere Mr. Warsipe Dusty— Mr. Horrer Crossties—"* Awful! (investigator turns to his notes. Geatlemanly photographer in the back of the room lights a sulphur-match. The Magnate rises an- grily and walks out of the room. Reporters walk out. Various kinds of picture-takers walk out. Everybody walks out. Investigator looks up from his notes surprised.) INVESTIGATOR—The session is closed. (Investigator walks out.) ACT Il, Scene,the same, The same old gang present except Mr. Doyle. In his stead the janitor's assistant’s third helper’s second scrubwoman’s understudy of the Stannard Doyle building. She takes the witness-chair, ‘THE INVESTIGATOR (sternly\—Now, Mrs.— A.—I refuse ' answer, Q.—I was merely — A.—I refuse t' answer. Q.—If—_ A.—I refuse t’ answer. Q.—IWaat lo you refuse to answer? A.—I refuse t answer. Q.—You refuse to answer? A.—I refuse t’ answer. (Cub reporter in rear of room sneezes. man’s understudy rises in indignation and leaves the room. body else leaves the room.) INVESTIGATOR (emphatically)—The session is closed. (Investigator leaves the room.) The second scrubwo- Every- ACT III. Same scene. Same crowd, except the scrubwoman’s understudy, who is absent. The personal counsel for Samuel Dogbis- cuit, the barber of Mr, Stannard Doyle, rises. COUNSEL FOR SAMUEL DocpiscuitT—Mr. Investigator, I regret that Mr, Dogbiscuit is unable to attend this session. He has a wart on his left little finger and can't come. I have, however, taken his testimony in this phonograph. I ask that the phonograph be sworn. INVESTIGATOR—I deeply appreciate your and your client's thought- fulness, grace, beauty, lovingkindness, and spirit. Let the phono- graph be sworn, (Phonograph is placed in witness-chair.) CLeRK—Do you solemnly swear te tum, te tum— PHONOGRAPH (sgueakily)—I refuse to answer. CLERK—Mr. Investigator, the witness is sworn. INVESTIGATOR—Now, sir, what is— (Continued om third advertising page following.) =) How's business ?’ Dere's work fer everybody.”