Judge — March 3, 1906 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A WOOER’S DANGER. Mr. Coon—"" By gum! I'd hate to have that Miss Porcupine swoon in my arms,"* TO A BEN DAVIS APPLE, ['VE saved this roast for thee—thou false alarm! ‘Thy rosy cheek and winsome outward charm Are but deceit. Within thy gay outside— Within the confines of thy lying hide— Is juiceless pulp, dry pomace, where should be Grand cider that should hint of rural spree. HIGH PRAISE FOR GOVERNOR CUMMINS. GOVERNOR CUMMINS of Iowa, head and front of the tariff-reform movement in the middle west, is a robust, full-blooded man, blessed at all times with a vigorous appetite. During his second cam- paign for the governorship he chanced one day to be obliged to wait ata junction somewhere in Adair County, where there was no hotel, nor even a restaurant or general store where he could forage. Representative Hollembeak of that county proved equal to the emergency, and escorted him to the home of a wealthy farmer not far from the station. The two were hospitably received by the queen of the home, and in due time sat down to a dinner of such savory sug- gestion and such ample proportions as to assure the hungry campaign- ers that they were in the presence of one of the rarest opportunities of their lives. The rapidity with which the meat and salad and vege- tables and pickles and pie and coffee disappeared before the onslaught of those hungry wayfarers compelled the unqualified admiration of their hostess. . As the governor neared the round-up he turned to the lady of the house, standing over him, and said he had always been a good feeder, but was sure he had never in his life eaten a more en- joyable meal. The lady of the house put her hand on his shoul- der and good-naturedly said, “Governor, they tell me you're a good speaker, and I have no doubt you are, though I've never heard you; but I wil? say that if you can speak as well as you can eat you're a dandy !" JONNSON Butcnase A MODIFIED AMBITION. FFROM fancy to fact T reluctantly turn; Strange doubts are oppressing my soul. No more do I yearn money to bum— commonplace coal. Oft have I piped thee on the fruiter’s stall (A wrongful place—thou art not fruit at all!) ; Good shekels have I jingled on the board Whence raked this fruiter man his ill-got hoard ; Bit on thee greedily with eager tooth— Then longed for good old rambos known in youth. ‘Thou art an apple’; yet, by hen! not that. Thou art a nuisance, or I'll eat my hat— As well, indeed, eat that as thou, bum bunch Of stuff but fitted for a dead man's lunch! T blithely loathe thee, yet no doubt again T'm like as not to buy thee on the train, STRICKLAND W, GILLILAX, ‘THE FLAG. OHNNIE was for a moment lost in thought after his teacher had asked him why it was that red, white and blue had been adopted for the American national colors, Tien he brightened up. He had not been reading revolutionary history for nothing. “Washington,” said he, “shad been sitting in the white snow at Valley Forge, feeling mighty blue. That accounts for the white and the blue.” His teacher gasped a little, but was interested by this unexpected line of thought. “But how about the red?” she asked. “That's the color that he painted things after he braced up again,” said Johnnie promptly. ANY boy would rather have a quarter in the hand for being good than a promise of going to heaven when he dies. POSITIVE. *Chimmie, is youse sure de ice will hold?” Cummie—" Aw, gwan! Uv course it wit ‘Vuzn't I on It last year?"" comicbooks.com