Judge — March 3, 1906 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE BISHOP'S ADVICE, NY years ago when Dr. John Strachan was bishop of Toronto, two church-wardens call- ed upon him one day to complain that their minister wearied the WSS congregation by two often preaching the same sermon. Bishop —* This is a seengular coom- plent that ye mak aboot the meenister. Hoo meny times did yon meenister repeat that sarmon ?” Warden—" Oi'm thinkin’, me lord, that on wan surmon, he's afther praychin’ ot layst twelve toimes.” Can ye tell ma tha taxt? (Neither of them Gang awa back an’ tell 3 commenes NOT AN OUT-OF-THE-WAY PLACE. Mr. Traveyn Tourist—"' Rather out-of-the-way place, this, my friend ?”* Mr, Bust Ep. Barnsrormer—"' Well, I've been here two weeks and it hasn't struck me so. I seem to be right in the way of everybody round here."* Bishop—' Twelve times! could remember the text.) Ye din na ken tha taxt ! th’ meenister ta preach tha’ sarmon one time more, an’ then coom an’ tell ma tha taxt.” HOW WOMEN LOVE EACH OTHER. S6\\JHEN I was down in Tennessee last,” said a drummer for a New York dress-goods house, a customer of mine, after buying a nice bill of goods, invited me to go to his home with him to show some samples to his sister. He was going to be married, and, as the prospective bride was poor, he intended to give her a wedding-dress and wanted his sister to select it. He was a bachelor about fifty, and was a bit shy on wedding toggery. His home was next door, and I wasn't more than introduced and my business stated than I was aware that the sister wasn’t favorable to the match. “+ Why, John,’ she protested, «I don’t want to pick out a dress. do it as well as I can.” + No, I can't,’ he insisted. ++ Well, let her do it, then, She's going to wear it." “Yes; but I don't want her to know anything about it. prise her.” “Thad spread my samples out and was waiting. “+ Oh,’ she said, partly to him and partly to me, ‘ pick out anything that suits you, She's so anxious to git married, she'd wear a barrel rather than miss the chance.” “With which she flouted out out of the room and I had to select the mate- rial for John’s bride’s wedding-dress, as he was totally inadequate.” You can I want to sur- wee NOBODY ELSE TO BLAME. IN had just committed his little indiscretion. “And to think,” mourned Eve, “we can’t blame it on the fact that his grandparents always would spoil him." Thus do we see the disadvantage of being the early bird. ‘THE BACHELOR'S SOLILOQUY. ‘0 WED, or not to wed ; That is the question. Whether ‘tis better To remain single And disappoint a few women— For a time ; Or marry And disappoint one woman— For fife. FULLY DIAGRAMMED. S6\VHY," asked the man with the thick eye-glasses and the sympathetic smile fluttering about his lips ; « why is the Indian that cooks the dog-soup like the old-fashioned bandana that was worn as a political badge when Thurman ran for vice-President ?" “Say all that again, will you 2” asked the man with the discouraged hair. The other man repeated the conundrum. “Tcan’t figure it out,” announced the man with the dis- couraged hair. “Why, it’s as plain as day,” gurgled the man with the thick eye-glasses and the sympathetic smile, “He is a red cur chef.” TOO GOOD COMPANY. 64 [ USED to always smile at trouble, but I quit it.” “Why 2?" “Oh, it seemed to think that Iwas such an agreeable sort of fellow that it would stay with me.” Ir isn’t entirely a matter of etiquette to bow to the inevitable. A HIGH COLLEGE COURSE. “Lam so glad Jack went to college. He is doing fine. Tess—"' Yes, so | hear. What studies is he taking mostly ?"° Bess—"! don’t really know, but they are awfully expensive studies because he writes to pa for another fifty almost every day.””