Judge — March 3, 1906 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ad om A BIT OF ALCOHOLIC AUTOBIOGRAPHY, We downed a qt o’ swizzletail las’ night in wonor o° somethin’ er other thet has now slipped our mind, an’ then we went an’ tore up th’ wooden sidewalk in front 0’ th’ methody church an’ builded a fire in front o” th” yellow dog s‘loon ; then we let th’ preacher lick us (we never raise our hand or our foot again a preacher— we might be a preacher ourself som time), an’ licked a policeman who w new in our presinkt- an’ who saw, th’ preacher lick us an’ thought thet he could io th’ same trick; then we said yessum to a old lady thet said we had ben drink- in’, then we wondered around in th’ dark finally fell over th’ bluff south o° town slept away th’ rest o° th’ night on th’ rocks forty feet below; when we waked up an’ opened our eyes th’ village band was a-playin’ a tune somewhere off in the distants an’ th’ coroner was settin’ onto our remains; when we riz up in their midst th’ doc said it was a good x we was drunk, thet bein’ drunk probly saved our life’ an’ when he asted us where we was a-goin’, we said we was a-goin’ uptown ter git our life saved agin.— The Alkali Eye. The man with a million may not be a success, but the man without a dollar looks suspiciously lke a faiiure.—Chi- cago News. THE RIGHT DOCTOR. In Haverhill, Massachusetts, according to the Boston Herald, there used to live | two doctors of the same surname. Dr. Benjamin E. Sawyer was a physician with a large practice. Dr. Nathan Saw- yer was a veterinarian, A man named Jones, after a week or more of imbibing, was very sick, and his wife, becoming | armed, sent the hired man for Dr. awyer. The hired man brought the | wrong Sawyer, the veterinary. Dr, Na- |than explained to the wife that he was skilled only in the diseases of horses, cat- tle and other animals, “I guess you can prescribe all right in this case,” replied Mrs. Jones. “Jones is a jac ass.” WANTED TO BE RIGHT. It was Tuesday morning. The clothes had been washed, dried and folded, and common sense pointed to the fact that it was ironing-day ; but cautious Scandi- |navian Tillie, the new maid, was not | going to make the mistake of going ahead | before being sure that she was right. Before committing herself to the obvious task, according to the Youth's Com- panion, she poked her head into the din- ing-room to say appealingly, « Meesis, I skuld like to speak something.” © What illie 2" Skal 1 cook some flat- asked Tillie earnestly Hira WiFE THE BEST MILWAUKEE BEER *JILTED® "I coud be hapoy with either, ‘Were ‘aber deat charmer eviay We will send this handsome picture, beautifully printed in sepia on heavy coat. ed pape, sutabl for taming, size 10 7-8 x13 7.8, securely packed, to any address in the United States upon receipt of price, ‘TWENTY-FIVE CENTS. Address. Judge Company, 225 Fourth Avenue, New York. PRUDENTIAL'S FINE SHOWING. Examination Before Armstrong Committee Did Not 's Big Insurance Company. hager than ever, ‘The total insur- fing to the report, 18 $t.470, $11 3,000,000. corporation to be si lance now in force, aces ‘eet gain places insurance compames of the world i surance gained in 1998. The Proder Dasiness fo this country “The total ing the year was 73.3% force, 64.518 The net assets of ‘making the total number ia ‘compat $2.75 00" Feserve to protect policy-holders totals $88,c00)00, an increase over 1994 of $14,000.00. ‘ompany pi the total 0 policy-bolers icy holders ‘including death nt, $1o7. 003.00 ade to the decreave n the expense rate, amounting to ‘per cent. of the premiam in Presstent John F. Dryden, in submitting the re the Prasental Seid re voluntary the Arm i confidence dential. A few copies of the first edition of THIS AND THAT ABOUT CARICATURE Ry Zia, are still available. Upon receipt of $1.50, this clever little book will be sent prepaid. tu any address, post JUDGE COMPANY, New York The legal and special | | om the part of the public and policy-holders in the Pra: | When whiskey, he a you do drink, drink Tri Mbja knew, Runs more baskly through And sparkles far more sghtly.” Scun rrormistons ITE, HENTZ & CO. AT ALL cu Green Label PRIDE IN PORTLAND, OREGON. Wear your best gold watch when you |sally forth these fine nights. Nothing makes the average man feel cheaper than | to have his timepiece rejected with scorn by a discriminating and blunt-spoken footpad.—Portland Oregonian. SATISFACTORILY LOCATED. Old Bill Missgimmons of Bellevi'te re- marked to Tom Pendergrast, as he sat down gingerly on one edge of a dry-goods |box, "Tom, did you ever see a gol durn boil just where you wanted it | + Yes," said Tom, “the one on you is exactly all right tor me."—Ex. Pears’ Economy is a watchword of the thrifty. That’s one reason so many prosperous people use Pears’ Soap. There's no waste about tt, It wears out, of course. On sale everywhere, CH, 1906 PUBLISHED MONTHLY JUDGE'S LIBRARY, A> mber of policies issued and revived dur. |