Judge, 1906-02-24 · page 7 of 14
Judge — February 24, 1906 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical items typical of Judge's humor: **"Taking the 'Elm"** mocks George Washington's supposed adoption of a Cockney English accent to understand British enemies, playing on the phrase "helm of the army" rendered as "'elm" in working-class London dialect—the joke being Washington's absurd linguistic affectation. **"How It Started"** attributes Lincoln's "rail-splitting President" nickname to a mishearing: when asked if he tried multiple approaches, his response was misheard as "I tried a maul" rather than "I tried 'em all." **"All Legitimate"** is a brief joke about horse racing, where a "pulled" horse (deliberately underperforming) still loses on actual merit. **"How the Custom Began"** depicts a child presenting a horn as a birthday gift, establishing why birthday holidays became custom. **"A Happy Thought"** satirizes magazines: when a publisher fears cancellation despite good circulation, the editor proposes investigating "the investigators"—mocking endless exposé journalism. Minor items mock diploma fraud in business and South Dakota's divorce industry. The tone is light social commentary rather than sharp political critique.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“ARE | _——— ae TAKING THE ’ELM. WASHINGTON, when he found that he was called to assume command of the Continental army, immediately began to cultivate an English accent, so that he could fully comprehend the enemy when they expressed a desire to sur- render. This little foresight came to his rescue when he took command of the troops. He stood under the huge elm at Cambridge and began, “It gives me great pleas- ure to take—er—er"— Here the great general hesitated, at a loss for the right word. He looked thoughtfully at the swaying branches of the elm. « Figuratively speaking,” he resumed with a broad Cockney accent, Hi take with great pleasure the ‘elm of the h'army.” HOW IT STARTED. a @ COURSE," beamed the lady interviewer, ++ in your efforts to make your- self a power for humanity you did not stop with just one ef- fort 2” “No,” said honest Abe Lincoln ; ‘+I tried ‘em all.” Misunderstanding him, she put it down “I tried a maul"; since which time we have known him as ** the rail- splitting President.” > Fi, th —— | qi 0g ALL LEGITIMATE. “They say Hotspur was ‘ pulled’ in the fifth race yesterday.” “Pulled! Why, | had a bet on him."* “You did, eh? Well, he undoubtedly lost on his merits, then.” ‘Scnooumaster—"' Gracious, what a dint Georcie Wasnincron—"'Pop give me it for a present. birthday.”* HOW THE CUSTOM BEGAN. How came thee by that horn?”* ‘o-day ‘s my Sctootmaster—"O-ho! And must we all take an holiday Secause it’s thy birthday ? A HAPPY THOUGHT. ¢ THE inevitable has come!" cried the magazine pub- lisher. «We must suspend publication. “What do you mean?" asked the astounded editor. “T thought the circulation and business most satisfactory “They are, but there is no further hope. Every known evil has been investigated by us or our contemporaries." “have it! cried the editor after a moment's anx- ious thought. + We'll inves- tigate the investigators.” BRAINS IN BUSINESS. PON his sign all men may see, “J. Johnson Wheeler, LL.D." No college man is Wheele He simply puts it in this guise His business to advertise As lime and lumber dealer. THE STATE BADGE. ON alighting from the Rock Island train at Sioux Falls, South Dakota—that haven for dissatisfied and divorce-hungry persons—one notices, across the street from the station, on avacant lot,a discarded thresh- ing-machine. Recently a wag- gish tourist gazed a moment at the old hulk standing there and then exclaimed, « Truly the emblem of this state—a separator!" comicbooks.com