Judge — January 27, 1906 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

BRIEF READINGS IN CRIMINAL PALMISTRY. “You are soon to come into possession of great wealth,— A BRITISH WOOER’S BACKDOWN. THE American method of backing out of an engagement is pretty well understood. The thing is accomplished here with neatness and dispatch, even after let- ters have piled up by the bushel, committing the aggressor in the most damaging way. It may be useful, in the circum- stances, to present the case of a staid Britisher which has just come to light in the English courts, This man, a wid- ower, made overtures to a lady of responsible years, and followed up with some letters, of which this is a fair spec- imen: “Now, my darling, I am coming to the object of my letter. you come at the expiration of the usual time in such cases to be my darling sweet little wife? Tam sure I can make you happy, and Iam certain you can make me s0. I love you, and I love you—and I can give you no higher praise—because you are $0 like ny darling Annie (his first wife),‘a sweet, devoted, unselfish little pet."” The lady in the case took to this kind of epistolary sweetness and allowed that she could stand a lot of it every day. The reference to «darling Annie” did not seem to act as a stay on the proceedings at all. In time an arrangement was arrived at—a sort of protocol or modus vivendi—and the lady began to figure on the day indicated by «the expiration of the usual time in such cases.”” Now note the blundering, unskillful management of this British widower, who had for some reason cooled on the whole matrimonial programme outlined in the preliminaries. First, he wrote that his children objected to the marriage and he'd have to call it off. - That, of course, only made the lady mad. Our British friend now gave him- self over to anxious thought and evolved this brilliant scheme: He would bear his own stock, run himself down, tell her he might look to her like a fine piece of goods, but in reality he was all shoddy and fraud. So he wrote. He declared he was not an attractive person, as he had tried to let on; in fact, he was all to the bad. And he wound up with the awful disclosure that he was afflicted with boils! Now, there is British finesse for you. That's the kind of a product —and perhaps your occupation as well.— —But a large, dark man ina blue suit and brass buttons will dispute your right to it, and will cause you much trouble. — —You will be obliged to change your resi- dence in consequence — British genius turns out when you get it corner- ed. Where your Amer- ican would crawl out shipshape and smiling, this Englishman comes limping and groaning out of Cupid’s trap cov- ered with boils! One is almost glad to know that the jury awarded the lady $2,000, It should have been a million. RN, SO HE BEAT HER. Glass-eater—" The tattooed lady has broken off her engagement to the fellow who plays the kettle-drum in the or- chestra Lightning calcula- tor—"No wonder! He kept telling her all the time that. if there was anything he loved it was to beat a tattoo," 5. —Your life-line is very short, and you are Ukely to find yourself soon in a tight place.” RATHER SHARP. Stubb—« Yes ; the Colossal Wild Animal Shows went to pieces The creditors seized everything until they reached the animal in the last cage.” Penn—* And why didn’t they seize that 2” Stubb—* It was a porcupine.” MODERN LOVE. THERE was a young man in Schoharie Who madly loved Kitty and Carrie; But each was so rich That he couldn't tell which Of the two girls he wanted to marry. FROM PHILADELPHIA. Ossified man—*' The hypnotist seems to be having his own trou- * bles with that seven-day sleeper of his." Armless wonder—* Yes ; the fellow says he suffers from insom: nia, and if they don’t give him a quieter room he'll quit. He's from Philadelphia, you know.”" A SAFER METHOD. Sheriff — When the robbers held you up weren't you armed 2?” Escaped victim—" No; but | was well legged.”