Judge — January 27, 1906 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Ar rae Parxern Bortprxc, — S=> ar oO tay Say ae ——a——_ 7 * ISS PUBLISHED WEEKLY Founrm AVENUE axp Nixereextm StaxET, New Youx. Wastaen Apvexrisixc Orrice—-1313 Hartford Building, Chicago, Mt. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To all fore onorman satns-aceats—laternational News Company, Bream's building, Chancery Lane, EC, London : Brentai The contents of FUDGE are protected by conyrigh tn both the United States and Great Britain. TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS: countnes in the postal union, $4.50. year. Avenue det" Oper: rhack's News Exchange, 3s Infringement of this cooyright will be oromstly and dizorously prosecuteds CONTRIBUTORS mast inciose a stamoed and self-addressed ertvelope with all manascrtots, othePivise retwm of the latter when found unavailaNe cannot be guaranteed. DRAIWINGS and all contribations sent lo the Art Devartment should have the senders fall name art adress ‘written plainly on each and every separate sketch. The accompanying Jobe or descriptive letier-oress should in ébery Instance be writien upon tts indrostual picture, and NUT upon a separate sliv of paper. Inctosure of stamps to the fall amount of postage ts also reguired. 10 accented. tnsare safe and prompt retarn of matertal not ROGERS AND HARRIMAN NOT EDITORS OF JUDGE. THE RUMOR having gained currency that Mr. H. H. Rogers and Mr. E. H. Harriman, two of the brightest of the new school of American humorist, have assumed jointly the editorship of JUDGE, we are con- strained to make an emphatic denial. “Those newspape:$, which have pub- lished the rumor are asked, in simple fair- ness to give equal prominence to this state- ment. JUDGE is not blind to the merit of these fellow-craftsmen, nor stirred to any petty jealousy by their humorous hits. On the other hand, any contribution they may care to make at any time will be welcome. Furthermore, we do not hesitate to say that we would be glad to have these gen- tlemen associated in a contributing capac- ity with this ondertaking; but truth com- pels us to reiterate the statement that they have not been engaged to direct our joke department, nor has any overture in that direction come from them. Only our re- gard for the truth could persuade us to bring this matter before the public in this way. We do not wish to injure the prospects of these promising “funny fellows.” Humorists have a hard enough row to hoe to gain public recog- nition as it is, and we would be the last to put further difficulties in their way. We call attention to the fact that we were among the first to per- ceive a talent for amusement in these popular fun-makers. Hence we can- not be fairly accused of desiring to snuff out their popularity in its first rich fluff and bloom. JUDGE long ago learned that people must be made to laugh in moderation. That is why we never try to be as funny as we can. For the same reason we would consider it foolhardy to engage these humorists when their humor is freshest, most laugh-provoking, and before they have learned the restraint that comes of experience. UNCLE JOE and the “ kids” are jogging along—especially Uncle Joe. FREE PASSES, REBATES, AND THE FRANKING PRIVILEGE. WE DO not know just how these questions are involved, nor by what subtle nexus of influence they all spring to life at the same time, but we note they are all churning together in congress at this date. First came the President’s rebate programme, then the railroads shut down on the passes. This is a great evil. To a man who has gayly scooted about this broad land care-free and pocket-whole, traveling at so much per scoot can never more seem the joyous thing it once was. Next congress hears that $10,000,000 or so could be clipped from the appropriation for the transporta- tion of the mails without hurting the service, and on top of this we begin to learn how the congressmen are abusing the franking privilege. Accord ing to one of their own number, it has be- come the practice to frank most anything along with the congressmen’s speeches. “They frank a cow, a wash-tub, or a churn.”” The mail-cars are lumbered up with the laundry, groceries, household sup- plies, and personal effects of the statesmen to “the crippling of the postal service and all its proper and legitimate activities.” We gather from all this that it is very difficult in this world to be good. We try to stop railroad rebating and lo! we must pay cold cash to ride on their old cars! Then we see how we could save something ‘on the carriage of our love-letters, and it turns out that our great men have been franking nails by the keg, spruce shingles, and door-knobs. What's the use! Why not all go back to the good old ways and be happy—even if we are not good? R. ROCKEFELLER gives $12,000 to faithful employé. What humor- ous fancies occur to Mr. R. nowadays! . HERE is that train-load of coal that was to be given our Princess Alice for a wedding-present? Better get it moving. seTHE Federation of Fools,” a new Chicago organization, does not re- strict itself to local membership. Anybody, having qualifications, can join. Cs SECRETARY TAFT IS GROWING SMALLER. SECRETARY WILLIAM H. TAFT is growing smaller; and since it is the desire of the secretary to lose weight and contract his peripheral dimensions congratulations are in order. Some years of sedentary life added avoirdupois to the secretary until he tipped the scales at 314% pounds. He weighs in now at 29434, and is headed for the goal of 250. We have often wondered whether any sense of bereavement accompanies this parting with so much of one’s self. We merely touch this phase of the question in passing. We note that walking swiftly through the coun- try and horseback riding are the measures adopted by the secretary to diminish him- self. Inevitably the thought obtrudes, how about the horse? How much has the horse which the secretary rides lost while the rider was losing twenty pounds? In this day of all-round statistics we think it a mistake to confine attention solely to one factor in this weight-reducing opera- tion. Let us have all the facts, It is fairly ‘open to question whether the secretary is adopting means adequate to the object in view—whether his acts jump with his in- tention. When a man deliberately pro- poses such a fundamental alteration of his entire structure as the removal of 64% pounds of himself it should be regarded more in the light of a business than as a recreation. Walking and riding are mere casual recreations. The secretary should have the assistance of a pacemaker. Outside stimulation is necessary where the result aimed at is so vast. The President, for instance, could be very useful to his friend now. He would bring to the business a whole gymnasium—the tan-bark running-path, gloves, the vaulting-pole, wall-machines, health-lifts, the broad and standing jump. Running up and down stairs—in the Washing- ton monument, say—would also be worth trying. In this way the desired result could be accomplished in half the time required by the more leisurely methods now being employed. se THE President is a Red Man. May be our Great Incohonee yet. ‘A DOG, a parrot and four singing-birds get $15,000 of a New York woman’s estate—and there are some mighty poor children in New York, too. eee HE Chicago face has come. Scientist says it is a depressing face, but that it promises to lift up the masses. Now let us have the New York, Philadelphia and Boston faces and see what they'll do. TARIFE REFORM in England has lined them up as follows: The “whole hoggers,” the “little piggers,”’ the ‘fair traders” and “foul traders,” “ retaliators ” and “ reciprocity-mongers,” “*jingoes and stingoes, “landlords and Randlords,”” “shouters,” “shufflers,”” and ‘scuttlers.”” What a jolly sort those Englishers are!