Judge — January 13, 1906 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

not how much we know that counts, but how much we know that Will you kindly give me a few facts about the Panama Canal? How do they estimate its cost? low far have they got with it? How long will it take to finish it? What are some of the dangers to be expected from it, and any other interesting information you may be able to give me? CE The Panama Canal is an imaginary lane of dark-brown water ex- tending from the city of Panama to the city of Colon. It is situated at present largely in the fertile brain of Secretary Taft and President Roosevelt; but there is a chalk-mark across the republic of Panama, showing where it is to be located in the bright and glorious future. The republic of Panama, as you know, is the strip of land which seceded in order to contain the canal, As it is only about as large as the place chalked out for the canal, it is believed that, when the water is turned into the canal, it will make the republic of Panama a very fine country for ducks. The cost of the canal was estimated in the follow- ing manner: Mr. Wallace went to a certain point and removed several yards of earth, and then figured about how much it had cost him. Es- timating how many yards remained, it was easy to arrive at the total cost. He then resigned. The work has progressed quite rapidly since then, and $10,000,000 worth of the canal is already finished. Some think it will only cost three or four hundred million more. It has not been decided yet whether to make a lock or a sea-level canal. The better way appears to go on and finish it and determine this matter afterward. The lock-method would carry it over the hill and far away. The sea-level plan would require some very deep cuts; hence Mr. Shonts has already begun to severely cut salaries, The climate is a great obstacle, and it is said that it would be cheaper either to move the canal toa pleasanter climate, or construct a sort of movable, col- lapsible climate and take it info Panama. A few hundred millions would be ample to pay the whole expense of building and shipping a good climate to Panama, The greatest danger that may be expected to follow the completion of the canal, in case they make it a sea-level affair, will be this: the Pacific is about forty feet higher than the Atlantic. Now, if you let forty feet of the Pacific Ocean into the At- lantic, you can guess the answer yourself, ‘To synchronize the oceans would be very expensive. Pile up forty feet of water in New York Bay and you are going to see the stock in Wall Street get wet. Every- thing in the way of securities will float, and you will see a flood-mark on the beautiful building at 26 Broadway Hudson River ferryboats would sail from the Flatiron Building to the birthplace of Grover Cleveland, among the Caldwell Mountains. The only other interesting thing to be said of this isthmian dream is that it will be realized in good shape. The American people are “sot on the proposition, and President Roosevelt is pushing it, and Mr. Taft went down and looked it over, and he says it can be did. And what Mr. Taft says has weight with us. Is it proper to say, “I have went"? Jean. | No; not unless you have. Two fools make a dunce, two dunces make an ass, two asses an idiot, and two idiots make an asylum. Please tell me where in the Bible I will find the words, ‘O wad some power the giftie gie us to see ourselves as ithers see us.” Eu We haven't a concordance, but will ask the first minister who comes in and let you know. Plezse tell me the shortest way to go about getting a divorce. Jusst: Have your husband made president of the stee—— But you wanted the shortest way, didn’t you? Well, touch a hot poker to his feet when he is asleep. Why was Senator Platt called the Easy Boss? Because he always had such a nice, easy way with him. O. Den. Please mention a case of real sarcasm or irony. Bepruta. The way steamship companies have of offering their passengers seven meals a day en voyage. DON'T GRIEVE FOR ME. DONT grieve for me. If you but knew ‘The happy things I have in view— The right-down universal kind Of jimerack humor in my mind— Tsay, if only you, and you . Could look and see my thick head through, And witness all the riot that Takes place beneath my last year’s hat— If you could only penetrate ‘That mirthful and halt-furnished pate ‘That simply revels in fine bliss When thinking up such stuff as this— If you, I say, could only see, ‘Then you would never grieve for me! Ww. M. DaLwoRTH, OTHELLO’S ECONOMY. CTHELLO had just smothered Desdemona, “There! he ejaculated. «1 guess that'll settle the alimony question, anyhow. Is it correct to say, “Can I have this?” Susie. How can we tell whether it is correct for you to have it unless you tell us what it is, “There's another shooting-star, Love Now, John, you stop! I claim another kiss." You're ringing in air-ships.”*