Judge — December 30, 1905 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

it comes ty knowing about things about a mat. ter and would compel one answer from thee hand him a couple. Having observed that every first-class magazine and periodical makes a business of answering the questions, solving the perplexities, and otherwise catering to the culture, comfort and happiness of its readers, JUDGE is only too glad to fall into line. This page is therefore opened, and here cur readers will find what they are looking for. Our success-answers will be very strong. Do you wish to succeed and push your competitors off the earth? We tell you how. Is there anything you don't know? Ask us. Our balm-answers for perplexed lovers will be exceptionally satisfying and comforting. Now and then a statement will creep into this department which will contain a grain of gold, All questions are answered by experts of proven veracity. IT true that George Ade earns $100,000 a year? Iam thinking of becoming a humorist, and I would like to know how he does this. Can you give me an idea of what other good humorists earn? Gertie. Mr. Ade earns much more than $100,000 a year, but he gets it from his farm in Indiana, not from his humor. If you want to be a money-making humorist you had better buy a farm or a hotel. Mr. Simeon Ford has made his reputation as a humorist by running a hotel. Nothing helps along a humorous career like getting next toa good hutel or a good, producing farm. A non-pro- ducing farm, on the other hand, will spoil a humorist quicker than horse-racing. Good humorists, by clerking in stores daytimes and doing humor at nights, earn all the way frum one-fifty to four dollars a day. ‘an you give me a good joke on President Roosevelt? I want to use it in a speech before our debating society. A. W. OXTREE. in “Fads and Fancies” without res in the best society without Good joke on Teddy. Ina recent article Mr. Grover Cleveland says: + We shall better appreciate the reach and value of the evidence adduced in support of this proposition if we take into account not only the direct effect of punitive and corrective action on the wrong-doers themselves, but also its indirect and deterrent effect upon those inclined to similar trans- gressions. Can you tell me what Mr. Cleveland means? FANNY. We have forwarded your letter and asked Mr. Cleveland to explain to you direct. In an argument A. claims that men have only eleven ribs, prov- ing that Eve was made out of the twelfth. B. claims that men have the same number of ribs that women have. I find that a great many people believe with A, Can you give me the facts in the case? HARVARD GRADUATE. We have made some inquiries and we find that A.'s view is shared by many. It is first of all a question of fact. Has woman a rib more than man? We know of no way to decide this question except to count and see, and unfor- tunately we are so situated that the facts are not accessibe to this expert. This page is open for voluntary testimony on the point in dispute. Ihave heard it said that men fear Mr. J. P. Morgan when he is angry. Did you ever see him mad? I wish you would tell me if you did. ACL. We have never seen Mr. Morgan in any but the most amiable mood. If he ever gets mad it has been at times when we have contrived to have business elsewhere. Please give me a few facts about the moon that I can use in an article at our club. Mrs. De PeysteR Griccs. We are looking up the moon and will let you know at an early date. Iam going with a gentleman who says he is rich and wants me to marry him. I do not love him, but I don’t like to refuse him. What would you do if you were in my place? SALLY. We would first find out if he is telling the truth. That might make it un- necessary to proceed further. If you find that he is rich, as he says, let us know and we will advise you more fully. CHANGED THE OBJECT. «6s VES,” says the man with the speculative eyes, “the first of the year I rented a building and organized a ‘ swear-off club.” “You did?” asks the man with the innocent ex- pression. “Yes; and the membership was limited to five hun- dred.” “ Did you get that many ?” “Sure. The membership list was more than full by the first of Feb- ruary, so we changed the club into a backsliders’ association.” EDUCATED. se YOU say her daughters are highly edu. cated 2” “They have been'taught to say ‘This is so sud- den’ in every mod- ern language.” A MATTER OF NO CONSEQUENCE. Mato—“' Please, mum, the baby has gone and turned the jug of cream all over me best dress.” Mistress—" Never mind, Bridget; we can use the condensed milk. TOO DEEP. drawled Uncle Enoch, «1 knew two boys who went to a lecture over in Crownville, but they didn’t like it much—it was clear over their heads. Soon their way home, bein’ bound to have some fun, they stopped at the old pond, down by Harkins’s mill, an’ whisked off their evenin’ toggery an’ jumped in.” “And did they enjoy that ?” “We never found out. The pond went over their heads, too.” Hewitt —« 1 am sorry to hear that you have been jilted, old man. Jewett—Oh, it might have been worse. The ring was returned just in time for me to pawn it befc-e Christmas.” ter. she exar young s «We madam. some ! just nov these li mourn madam, whom «Hu «Ab terial y # Yo severel explans the fas’ husba gotag The f its repu in the » Firs arse her no Firs forty-f 5 Chic -comicbooks.com