Judge, 1905-12-16 · page 26 of 48
Judge — December 16, 1905 — page 26: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three humorous pieces typical of early 20th-century American satire: **"Mary Jane's Brother"** (main story with top illustration): A young man courts Mary Jane in an orchard, using falling apples as an excuse to claim kisses. The joke's punchline—revealed in the bottom illustration—is that Mary Jane's brother has been in the tree all along, deliberately shaking down apples for ten cents, unknowingly enabling the romance. It's a gentle comedy of mistaken cause and effect. **"Papa Bulldog"** (middle cartoon): A father bulldog watches his offspring fighting/playing, quipping that he thought they were about "race suicide"—a contemporary anxiety about declining birth rates. The joke satirizes how adults misread children's roughhousing. **"Christmas Shopping"** and **"Ballade of the Christmas Spirit"**: Stock seasonal humor and verse celebrating Christmas cheer, with one joke about a husband nervously counting his cash while his wife shops. The content is lighthearted domestic and seasonal comedy, typical of Judge's humor circa 1900s-1910s.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
MARY JANE’S BROTHER. T was a balmy, well-nigh per- fect evening of last autumn, and in the hammock at the Willington country homestead young Joshua Spooner and the fair and buxom daughter of the house were exchanging pledges of lasting devotion. The silvery beams of the har- vest moon, shining broadly down, disclosed a picture of Nature in her most tranquil mood. Near by, in the corner of the Willington orchard, stood a noble old apple-tree, its limbs bending low with their burden of ripe, luscious fruit. Occasionally, as the gentle south breeze stirred dreamily among its branches, an apple, tired of waiting for the hand of the picker, loosened itself and fell to earth, And the young man, idly noting the occurrence, was inspired with a splendid idea. “Listen, dearest,” he whispered ; “whenever an ap- ple drops I shall claim a kiss.” + Oh-h, you mustn't !” cried she softly, with a little shiver, shrinking away ever so slightly from the manly form at her side. But the ardent wooer was in- sistent — decidedly so—and when, a few moments later, a juicy sopsavine detached itself from the parent limb in obedience to the law of gravitation, he promptly set about claiming the precious reward. And, though the apple-falls were recorded much less fre- quently than the impatient Joshua could have desired, several times again that blissful evening did he exact loving tribute from the CHRISTMAS SHOPPING. With sweetly serfous face and mien Falr Clara forth a-shopping goes, While |, her husband. linger near And count the cash that's In my clothes, aS A VARIANT OF AN OLD THEME. Para Buttpoo—" Great heavens! And here I thought they were howling about race suicide."* half-resisting lips of Mary Jane. And when, finally, the speeding moments compelled him to bid a fond and lingering adieu, notwith- standing her blushing protestations, he tenderly murmured, “ Again to-morrow evening, darling.” Another evening had spread over the peaceful surroundings of the Willington estate, more glorious in its calm, majestic beauty than even its predecessor had been ; and, to the delight of Joshua, the apples were falling now with a business-like regularity. Small wonder, then, that, heedless of the flight of time, the enchanted visitor protracted his stay long into the enchanted eventide. Suddenly, from the direction of the old apple-tree, a youth- ful and plainly irritated voice, pitched in a shrill treble key, maile itself noticeable amid the stilliness of the midnight hour = “By thunder, Mary Jane! if you think I'm going to stay up here all night shaking down apples for a measly ten cents, you're mistaken,” BALLADE OF THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT. GAIN the Christmas-tide is here ; Again we celebrate the day With joy that rings through all the year, + Good will to men," we gay We sing a blithesome rounde say. Faces are smiling, eyes are bright, And all our cares have flown away— ‘The Christmas spirit ’s here to-night ! The roms reflect the merry cheer With wreaths of evergreen and bay, And spicy is the atmosphere With spruce and pine and holly spray. ‘The men present a brave display, ‘The ladies are a charming sight ; All are in holiday array— The Christmas spirit 's here to-night! The midnight chime is striking clear, Lord of misrule asserts his sway, And lovers’ hearts wax fond and dear As ‘neath the mistletoe they stray. ‘The frolic grows mure glad and gay, And sounds of laughter and delight Hetoken this a merry fray— ‘The Christmas spirit 's here to-night! LENvot. Belinda, taste this punch, I pray, And see if I have mixed it righ Tom, help me carry in this tray— ‘The Christmas spirit 's Aere to-night t CAROLYN WELLE,