Judge — December 16, 1905 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ENVIOUS OF THE CHICAGO AUNT. ‘Tue visrron—''| suppose you're going to hang up your stocking ?” Cuno—"* ‘Course | am—I only wish I had feet as big as yours.” A FATAL QUESTION. R. and Mrs, Nagger were at the breakfast table when Mr, Nagger said to “ Did you hear Mrs, Flutter say last night when we were calling there that she made all of her own dresses and trimmed her own hats ?” There was fire in the eye of Mrs. Nagger, and the iron of sharp and keen resentment seemed to have been driven into her soul when she said in reply, «And did you hear Mr. Flutter say that he always took care of his own fur- nace instead of paying a man ten dollars a month to do it, as a certain man I know of who can't afford it does? Did you hear that? And did you hear Mr. Flutter telling how he saved about sixty cents a week and sometimes seventy-five by shaving himself instead of running off to a barber and running the risk of contracting dis- ease, as you do? Did you hear that? And did you hear Mr. Flutter say that he always cut his own grass because he thought it was fine exercise after he had been shut up in the office all day? And did you hear him say that he always polished his own boots? Do you polish your boots, Sam Nagger ? Not a bit of it, you don't. Yes; and did you hear him say that he always bought his clothing ready- made and saved a good half on every suit above what he would have to pay a tailor ? And I never knew you to buy a ready-made suit in my life. And Mrs. Flutter told me one day that her husband did every bit of the ordinary repairing that was done around their house, and you think you can’t so much as drive a nail! ('d talk about how much Mrs. Flutter saves doing her own millinery and dressmaking if I were you! I wouldn't be willing to be found dead in such a hat or such dresses as Mrs, Flutter wears; and if you think that you can criticise or browbeat me into undertaking my own dressmaking in order to save for you to spend on yourself you are very greatly mistaken! I know what you'd like! You'd just like to have me discharge our maid and laundress and have me sail in and do all my own housework and washing and iron- ing, and be a regular slave, while you never lifted a hand to do a thousand things you might easily do for yourself! I did hear what Mrs. Flutter said, and I also heard what Mr. Flutter said, and if I were you, Sam Nagger, I would sweep my own door-yard clean be- tore—there you go losing your temper and racing away from the table in a huff! I wonder if you heard Mrs, Flutter say that Flutter never said a cross word to her in his life nor showed anger in any way, and here you—he's gone, and with a banging of the door that was enough to jerk it off its hinges! Dear, dear, dear! It there's anything trying in this life it’s a man!” Je L MARBOUR. SONNET: OF A CHORUS GIRL. AST night Mae Johnson says to me, “Say, Gert, I know a guy who's awful sweet on pray, you. He says to-night that he will blow we two Todinner.” “Oh, ain't you the fancy fiir Says I to Mae—and, say, I bet it hurt. But Mae says, I ain't too good to be true— You near-soubrines think you are awful new.” Well, I'm refined, if I wear a short skirt. Well, say, short, This fellow took me out after the show, And says, ** We'll have a malted milk, I think.” Say, wasn't he the shortest shoestring sport? L kind o giggled and I says, “Ub, no, Though I am on the stage, I never drink." to snip a lengthy story FRANKLIN P. ADAMS. LURKING DOUBTS. se TTHANK you.” said the client to the insurance agent, after the latter had presented him with the com- pany’s calendar for 1906. Then, methodically, he began counting the leaves of the calendar pad. “ What are you doing that for 2” asked the agent. 've read so much about insurance crookedness I just wanted to see if the company was giving me honest measure in this calendar.” And the agent turned on his heel and went out very much on his ear, NOT A CHEERFUL SIGHT. Mother—Yes, Dorothy ; the lord loveth a cheerful giver.” Dorothy (aged six)—“ Goodness ! see you getting those Christmas presents ready for the mail, then, mamma.” I hope he don't TRUE CHIVALRY. Jonnwy—"* Say. grandma. leave the lamp burnin’, will you? Poor little Arthur is afraid in the dark.” comicbooks.com