Judge, 1905-12-16 · page 15 of 48
Judge — December 16, 1905 — page 15: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two satirical pieces from an early 20th-century magazine. The top article humorously presents a baby's observations about its parents through the infant's perspective. The satire mocks both parental vanity (the father's concern about resemblance) and domestic life—particularly the father's habit of sucking his thumb after laying carpet and repeatedly "putting his foot in it" (a phrase meaning saying foolish things). The punchline involves a literal tack in the baby's foot, explaining the father's nighttime tantrum as physical pain rather than emotional outburst. The lower section, "The Christmas Skaters," is a romantic poem celebrating ice-skating season, emphasizing winter courtship and the joy of skating with a romantic partner. Together, these pieces represent typical Judge content: satirizing domesticity and middle-class family life while offering sentimental counterpoint through poetry.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
MEMOIRS OF A BABY. ODES first parents are always more novel and interesting than the sets acquired afterward, in the-axdi- nary course of divorce, and conse- quently come in for more attention. Never shall I forget my excite- ment when I asked the nurse and she said,“ Twins! You have a mother and a father.” I closely scanned the faces of both the darlings, but I failed to discover any resemblance to myself, True, my father was somewhat bald and red, but I should hate to think I looked like that, and none save my worst enemy dared to insinuate it. I am laying for that man, and shall get hunks some day. Regarding my mother, our features are entirely unlike, but I do believe that her singing voice is similar to mine. Nevertheless, must admit that my father has habits dear to myself. For instance, he will invariably suck his thumb after tacking down the carpet, but he cannot derive much pleasure from it, as the expression of his face is positively agonizing. I have also heard nurse say that every time he opens his mouth he puts his foot in it, though I have never seen him perform the feat myself. One experience I want to relate for the benefit of other babies who are apt to misjudge their parents, I was walking with my father at about two o'clock in the morning when he suddenly flew into a rage, hopping about on one foot and giving vent to smothered cries. Tran over in my mind what he had eaten for supper, but the harmless Welsh rarebit could not have hurt him, so only the common-sense explanation remained. I looked down and of course found the tack in the little darling’s footum. Thus, indeed, the apparent tantrums ather are often caused by tacks instead of temper. JOsRrM DIDN'T ASKED, of a new O for the ring o' the rhythmic steel On the crisp December air! Room for the knights o' the wingéd heel ‘And a truce to gloomy care ! With a winter-maid beside you—oh ! ‘And a dimpled hand to hold, Ob, what can you of foreboding know, ‘Or the glamour of hoarded gold ? Over—and under—the grape-vine s While your dancing hearts keep time, Merrlly onward you glide abd sing Together the skaters’ rhyme ! Away! Where the river-floor gleams white Arace! For an eager mile! The rapture of struggle is ‘And the prize is Beauty’ ERNEST NEAL LYON: comicbooks.com