Judge, 1905-11-18 · page 13 of 16
Judge — November 18, 1905 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page features a humorous satirical column presenting fictional letters supposedly written by mentally ill asylum patients. The joke relies on the conceit that lunatics write absurdly flattering, delusional letters to famous figures of the era. The targets include **Theodore Roosevelt** (receiving offers of millions and a car), **Emperor William II** of Germany, **Chauncey Depew** (a prominent businessman), **the Rothschild banking family**, and the **Sultan of Morocco**. Each letter contains obvious delusions—offers of impossible wealth, celestial settings ("Heaven, Friday"), or ridiculous promises. The satire works on multiple levels: mocking both the recipients' egos (suggesting they'd enjoy such excessive praise) and contemporary attitudes toward mental illness, treating lunatics as amusing curiosities. The tone is light and dismissive rather than sympathetic. The page is otherwise filled with period advertisements for ales, pianos, massage devices, and life insurance—typical Judge magazine content from this early 20th-century era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Try a brisk walk in the open these crisp Autumn days, with a bottle of tocap the climax and see how much more sunshine will come into your life. Has Stood the Test of Time and won universal popu- lar approval. Oldest and most famous in the world, Best for all uses. Sold by leading dealers everywhere. GRAND PRIZE ‘SgHEST St. Louis World’s Fair There is high cost and low cost life in- surance, and everything between. All depends on the variety ; but none of it costs more than it's worth in the PENN MUTUAL LIFE, 921-3-5 Chestnut St., Philadelphia. THE “SOHMER” HEADS THE uiST OF THE HIGHEST GRADE PIANOS SOHMER PIANOS Sohmer Building, ny sercom Ave., cor tad St. York. FOR PEOPLE WHO LOVE LUXURY. Pevple of moderate means, who love comfort and «|sintiness of surroundings, will appreciate our valuable suggestions on fitting up dens, ‘With illustrations of unique and artistic arrange- five cents for our Blue Art lovers will also be Repaid by sending two cents for our Blue Book- kt catalogue, with illustrations of our beautiful THE OLD BOYS. The boys are growing grayer now—their step is getting slow, And their walk ain't quite as springy as it was a while ago ; The ranks are growing thinner, and it tries ‘em more to see— But the old light comes a-gleaming when you mention °63. The roll-call’s growing shorter—but the “here” is plain as day, Just as plain as in the ‘sixties, when the smoke had cleared away. The lines begin to waver—they’re not what they used to be— But the old light comes a-gleaming when you mention ‘63. The battle and the marching songs they sang in days of yore Are laid away—you scarcely ever hear them any more ; But they're singing them in mem'ry, where they're fresh as they can be— the old light comes a-gleaming when you mention 63. —Will F. Griffin in Milwaukee Sentinel. A tablespoonful of Abbott's Angostura Bitters in a glass of sweetened water after meals is the greatest aid to digestion known. And THE LETTERS OF LUNATICS. A keeper in a madhouse has a collec- tion of lunatics’ letters. They were given to him to post, but he retained them. A few follow: HEAVEN, Friday. “ Dear Theodore Roosevelt—You are leading a noble life, and I inclose check for five millions. You will also find in the cellar a new auto and saddle. We admire and await you here. Don't forget bear. GasRIEL.” «“EmP. Wm; sir—Yrs to hand and contents carefully noted. In reply to same wid say, if you resign, will NOT accept job, for I have hands full here. « EDWARD 7.” “C. Depew. To your wife I have sent nine magnificent gowns, Tell her to come and take me out of this hole. I give you herewith a million. Be careful how you spend it, for it has the eagle's claw on it, and you will be torn to pieces if you refuse 20,000 retainer. + ROTHSCHILD.” “Dear son, I am the Sultan of Mo- rocco, and I will send you three of my wives to look after you. Mind and mem- ory are improving. I told the Pope what you said, and he donated a fine lake. Soon hope to be out and able to take useful position, The King called today and got beastly drunk on the meat you left. Dear lad, I hate it here. Heaven grant a speedy return of my reason. From your father, the 12 Apostles.” EXPLANATION BY THE COUNTRY EDITOR. After a good deal of study and work we have at last figured out why so many country editors get rich. Here is the secret of success : A child is born in the neighborhood ; the attending physician gets $10; the editor gives the loud-lunged youngster and the happy parents” a send-off and gets $o. It is christened; the minister gets $10, and the editor gets $oo, It grows up and marries ; the editor pub- lishes another long-winded, flowery article and tells a dozen lies about the * beautiful and accomplished bride”; the minister | gets $10 and a piece of cake, and the editor gets $000. In the course of time it dies and the doctor gets from $25 to $100, the minister perhaps gets another $15, the undertaker gets from $50 to $100 ; the editor publishes a notice of the death and an obituary two columns long, lodge and society resolutions, a lot of poetry and a free card of thanks, and gets $0000, No wonder that so many country edi- HaveYour Massage ThisWay-ByHand And be sure that the barber uses this cream. Sub- stitutes are risky. The only real massage is performed in the manner and with the prepar: shown above. Machines that simply polish the skin with a sort of grease have in common with a hand-massage with Pompeian Massage Cream. The important movements and manipulation of hand-massage cannot be dupli- cated by mechanical means, nor can any greasy preparation produce the results of Pompeian Massage Cream This unique preparation contains no grease and nothing to increase the growth of the hair, It removes dirt, grease and other foreign matter from the pores as nothing else can. The most thorough washing of the skin leaves plenty of work for it. Not only does Pompeian Massage Cream cleanse and clear the gy¢s trate mark (9 skin, but nourishes it, makes the muscles pliant, the flesh firm and on every tattle fine-grained. wont Your barber will give you a hand-massage with Pompeian Massage Cream if you ask for it—substitutes are for the careless. ‘Write for our booklet on facial massage. Interesting to both men and women who desire akin health and cleanliness. We send it free upon request. POMPEIAN MFG. CO., 23 Prospect St.. Cleveland, Ohio Jympcian vem tors get rich. — Morehead (Ala.) Coaster. ‘The idea that an inferior class of people patron- ize the tourist sleepers is an error. trips only the best class of travelers are found. ‘They are merely men and women ‘of good sense who would rather travel TO CALIFORNIA in this manner and savea snug sum of money to be used elsewhere. It is begin- ning to be understood that it is by no means necessary to spend a large sum of money in order to enjoy a trip to the Pacific Coast, If you cross the continent in one of the tourist rs of the UNION PACIFIC — AND *. SOUTHERN PACIFIC ‘You will enjoy your trip and save considerable money Inquire of E. L. LOMAX, C. P. & T. A. OMAHA, NE in many comicbooks.com