Judge — November 18, 1905 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SY Ina recent domestic airing in court a husband declared that his Jack of wealth and the absence of hair on his head were the cause of his undoing. His wife was disappointed because he had pot 1 more distinguished appearance. She usec! to throw it up to him and point the fing:r of scorn at his polished dome. This tale of the sorrows of baldness has made a profound irflpression on us. We would glally pour oil on the troubled waters of this broken home. But we are not going to begin by currying favor with’ this womin, Our sympathy is all the other way. It appears in the court testimony that she once “smashed a large porce- lain jar over his head.” And yet she complains that her, husband is bald! Does she think broken crockery is a hair tonic? Is that the way to keep a fine silken growth on a man’s head, to lam- baste him with the dishware? We trow not. To rub the hair all off a man’s head by such violent frictional contact with porcelain and other stoneware, and then to go back on him because he has parted look of distinction conferred by 0 say the least, unworthy a true But is the bald-headed man undistin- guished in appearance, as this wife says ? IsShakespeare without distinction ? Look any picture of Horace Greeley and ask yourself if he is without the look of distinction, And Mr. J. D. Rockefeller ? Look back over the historic past. From the remotest period, like the track of the moonbeams on the sea, you will see a thin strand of burnished gold threading the dark labyrinths of the centuries. What is this strand of gold, do you ask ? It is the long line of brilliant and glorious bald-headed renown ; it is the splendid procession of bareheaded greatness. From Elisha down to Chauncey M. Depew and all the way back to Aristotle we have this proof of distinction, and here is this woman complaining that her man is woozy and humble in looks simply be- cause he is bald. What's the use of arguing with a person like that ? THOUGHTLESS LOQUACITY. “You and Tom came near having a serious runaway, didn't you 2" " Yes ; it was a narrow escape. “Tell me just how it happened.” ~The horse became frightened sud- denly and Tom grabbed for the lines "— «Grabbed the lines? Why, wasn’t he hol them ?” It took at least five minutes to explain. —Detroit News. For Dandruff and Baldness. Packers Tar Soap Pure as the Pines ‘An Ideal Shampoo with healing and antiseptic properties. Soothes RECIPE FOR HAPPINESS. The happiest man in the world is the fellow who has a good wife, six children and agood farm, with tobacco at twenty- two cents and cotton rising like the tide. These, above all, are the best and hap- piest on earth.—Apex Journal, GOOD-BYE, RUBE. Rube Oglesby isn’t to marry Miss Eliz- abeth Houts, the girl who nominated him for railroad commissioner last year, after all. That settles it. Good-bye, “Rube” ; take care of yourself— Cen- tralia Courier. : ON HIS FEET. “Thank you,” she said, as he finally gave her his seatin the car. «It’s almost impossible to stand on your feet.” " That was because I kept pulling ‘em out of your way, ma'am,” he replied ; “but you did manage to land on my favorite corn a couple of times."—Phila- delphia Press. JUMPING AT A CONCLUSION, “Another one of those lobbyists ap- proached me to-day with an insulting proposition,” said Congressman Graphter. “Oh, John !" exclaimed his wife, * then you can afford to buy me that sealskin Sacque now, can't you ?"—Ex. ‘THE REAL VERSION. “ Now that I have a gold-bricked crea- tion, I have not left any more come-ons to do business with,” suddenly reflected Alexander the great. So he immediately sat down and wept because he had no more worlds to bunco. —Baltimore American. THREE OF A KIND. The three fates had just met in con- clave, * Yes,” they proudly boasted ; “ we are the original sewing-circle.” Declaring a bit of gossip was too kill- ing for anything, Atropos cut off a thread. —New York Sun. FROM TEXAS, SOME COFFEE FACTS FROM THE LONE STAR STATE. From a beautiful farm down in Texas, where gushing springs unite to form bab- bling brooks that wind their sparkling way through flowery meads, comes a note of gratitude for delivery from the coffee habit. “When my baby boy came to me, five years ago, I began to drink Postum Food Coffee, having a feeling that it would be better for him and me than the old kind of drug-laden coffee. I’ was not disap- pointed in it, for it enabled me, a small delicate woman, to nurse a bouncing healthy baby 14 months. “IT have since continued the use of Postum, for I have grown fond of it, and have discovered to my joy that it has en- tirely relieved me of a bilious habit which used to prostrate me two or three times a year, causing much discomfort to my family and suffering to myself. “My brother-in-law was cured of| chronic constipation by leaving off the old kind of coffee and using Postum. He has become even more fond of it than he was of the old coffee. “In fact the entire family, from the latest arrival (a 2-year-old who always calls for his ‘potie’ first thing in the morning) up to the head of the house, think there is no drink so good or so CHU OH, fli yentent. 71 ‘only way in ‘whic LAN CU TT\\N NW i} IX ns Uae Sau pompuicity Teerepiy iornsepmatteree SSbondcabis peoples’ Write For reonddence and’ ‘Our Mandsome Christmas Cai Bu eta for Wiles Bwee ‘Pind and Cuff Buttons, We Father or Brother. saitsble Oiits for all, bot the pleasure of sending ab thet, Loate World's ous ‘Terma won the Gold Medal The tightest eodorvemeat | ‘With said you can id “ana i f Goode, Prices, ‘award. No. cE The Lala oyotem could be given Do Your Christmas Shopping Now. Gristmas chro ccura te tome cost and (ne balanceia etgh form toon We taxoatlristeand ehoice elections and bat T BROS 8.0. 555 irae seta nena ort etd sat tele sak Wises tance DIAMOND CUTTERS WATCHMAKERS - JEWELER: Dept. ma, 92 State 8 OHIOA@O, ILL THE SPENDTHRIFT “Get money, still get money, boy, no matter by what means.” ‘This picture, handsomely printed in emboued ftyle on heavy coated paper, satural color, in a warm black halftone tint, with wide margin, suitable to frame, pame-partout or mount, size 12 1-2 2 17, sent upon receipt of price, ity cents. Addres Pidure Department, Judge Company, 225 Fouth Avenae,New Yok 9: ft tht ttt «| wholesome as Postum.” Name given the scalp. Strengthens the Hair. Postum Co, Battle Creek, Mich, © rd a There's a reason. Recom: led by Physicians.) Read the little book, “The Road to ‘The Packer Mig. Co., New York. The Great Passenger Line of America—NEW YORK CENTRAL. comicbooks.com