Judge — November 4, 1905 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SHOCKING. Muvister—"" What is that large, tasty-looking bullding over there?” Mixe—* Thot, sir, is th’ folnest saloon In th’ town."* COMMENTS OF A CIRCUS CAMEL. I CAN travel a week without water, and so can many men. Any one can cross the desert of life if he gets a hump on himselt. Duting my American travels I've noted a new variety of the palm- tree—* the itching palm.” Marriage must be a circus, for it's a «« three-ring show "—engage- ment-ring, marriage-ring, and then baby’s teething-ring. One should find an oasis of peace and rest at the end of every day's journey, there to forget the burning sands of the day. The Arab may be uncivilized, but I've never seen him enter cam- els in a race for the benefit of book-makers and pool-rooms. Naturally a Mohammedan, I have watched the divorce courts, and now believe that one wife can cause all the trouble necessary. ‘The author of * The Arabian Nights" might have dipped into the insurance investigation and written a sequel to The Forty Thieves.” Selah! vers MARY McLANE REDIVIVUS. ] WANT to do some desperate, wicked thing— Some wild, outrageous, reckless, joyous deed— To make men hearken when the newsboys sing An extra, and old fireside tabbies fling Their hands to heaven in horror when they read. sunvune, This level, dull existence, placid, flat, Foments outbreaking fever in my blood. To answer all men shortly, kick the cat, To swear aloud at Central—even that Cannot content me in this lawless mood. I want to daub this town with carmine ran To tweak the city fathers by the ears ; To jar yon chief of police with a spank ; To burgle all the silver from the bank— Ob, I must vent! Come on, let's have two beers! DAISY RINEMART. TRADE SECRET. ++ ARE you the little boy whose papa writes so many cute sayings of children?” Yes, ma‘am." ** | suppose your papa is always encouraging you to talk.” «No, ma‘am. He threatens to whip me if I even whisper when he is writing his bright things the children have said.” SONG OF THE SCHOOLBOY’S DOUBT. HEE sez hee is hur cuzzen wich is wi shee goze arownd so mutch with him wile i hoove bin hur steddy bo fore yeers musst wate ann sea hur jusst a minnet att thee gait wenn shee is goen inn ann sez doant frett ur wurry abowt him i luv u yet. heez onley wizzeten shee sez ann wenn heez gone away weel be thee saim agen uz eavur butt iff heez hur cuzzen wi shood shee go plaises with him moren i. Ann hennry beamus tolled me wuns he hadd a gurl ann thatt he luvd hurr jusst uz badd uz i doo hur ann wenn heez gune wun day A villun kum ann stoal hur luv away fram him ann fore a weak he neavur smild ann o his greef wuz turrible ann wild fore daze ann daze ann iff he hadd mot mett anuther gurl he mite bee greeven yett. ann hennry sez uwanto hav a kair ry becaws u hoald gurls harts jusst bi a hare. fo, ann hennry sez it may bee he is nott me hur cuzzen afftur awl. turble thott. mi He may have goald ann juels ann fine cloze so ann shee sezz heez hur cuzzen too mee soze ba : A ay the i doant susspeckt. i wunder iff ide go ann tel hur muther awl ann ast to no bee iff itt is reely trov wood shee be madd hu ur wood shee say mi boy ime turble gladd we u shode mee thiss fowl plott ann tel him thenn m too go ann neavur sho his fais agen. J. . roury. are in AN INFERENCE. ol HE inquisitive visitor to the studio of the famous but crochety artist the propounds the query, RA What do you mix your colors with ?” ai “With brains, sir,” replies the painter in dignified tones. eye + Ah!" comments the visitor. ‘So you paint miniatures ?” da jit PERFECTLY FRESH. SOYVELL, Tommie, I hear that you have a new baby at your . house.” go “Sure, it's new. My pa wouldn't buy anything that was shop- A LAWYER who is never in his office is either trying a case or e opening one. } ter tor un the un int the I an ge of up. be it Ki pal wis ing UNEXPECTED GUEST. Mr. Hatisut—"" Hurry up, Marie, and put on another plate, for here aa comes a young man who has Just dropped in for dinner."” B comicbooks.com