Judge, 1905-10-28 · page 7 of 16
Judge — October 28, 1905 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three distinct satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century American humor: **"On the Safe Side"**: A joke about a man deliberately losing a race to his wife to avoid accusations of "wife-beating"—satirizing contemporary concern over domestic violence charges. **"A Hot One for John"**: A schoolboy humor piece where student Julius Green creates an absurd sentence using "cauterize" ("Mary's glances scorched John when he cauterized"), mocking both the student and marital discord. **"Football"**: A humorous poem (translated from Japanese) mockingly describes American football as violent brutality, with players attacking, crushing, and injuring each other. The repetitive refrain "Bring me more sake" emphasizes foreigners' bewilderment at the sport. **Right column**: "Wise Words of a Wife" and "All in the Manner of Giving" offer cynical observations on marriage and female philanthropy—suggesting women's charitable giving is obligatory rather than generous, and comparing it unfavorably to Carnegie and Rockefeller's lavish donations. The overall tone reflects period attitudes: skepticism toward marriage, amusement at gender relations, and gentle mockery of American customs.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
ON THE SAFE SIDE. Tue Doo—"' You let your wife beat you in the race yesterday?” Tue troTrer—'* Sure thing! You don't suppose that | wanted to be arrested for ‘ wife-beating," do you?” A HOT ONE FOR JOHN. WISE WORDS OF A WIFE. ‘THE word « cauterize,’ " explained the teacher, «means to burn GILK gowns cannot feed a starved soul. suddenly and severely. Julius Green, you may give us a sen- The state of matrimony needs a capital. tence containing the word + cauterize’ used in its full meaning.” If ignorance is bliss don’t employ private detectives. Julius cogitated for a moment, then said, “Mary's glances The best compliment a stout woman ever gets is when some one scorched John when he cauterize.” says, ‘« How well you are carrying your embonpoint !" Love is a romantic story, while mat- FOOTBALL, , ly rimony is sometimes the history of a civil (A faithful translation from the poem by O Rakrah, p war. the eniinent bard of Yokohama.) There should be a law compelling a RING me more sake. : husband to propose to his wife at least Tam looking once a month. At the honorable puncher of noses. Si = Fi Some women can twist a man around See him attack the half-back, G their finger, but they cannot make him Crushing him to earth put a marriage-ring there. And stepping merrily upon his Women are reputed to be clever Liver! bargain-hunters. Yet look at the hus- Sce him surge madly bands some of them capture. Against the centre rush, A wife has good grounds for a di- Making him to exclaim sweetly, : vorce on account of cruelty when her “ Ooft” \ husband is too nice to argue with her. See him grasp the hair x i Gt A woman is never happy till she Of the quarter-back and remove e x, finds out what the neighbors really think A handful ; also loosen a RS pay about her. Then she has no reason to One ear and four teeth. aan be happy. PETER FRY SHEVLIX, See im (reed. cpon the prostrate forms of) g 2 ALL IN THE MANNER OF GIVING. Pree ees eee M6CCARNEGIE and Rockefeller, with Their honorable stomachs. all their lavish bestowal of gifts i a of libraries and institutions of learning, bee tim Bud the fell-back, AS ” Pi” aren't called upon for half the things that he oar — bate that young woman with the eye-glasses BEGi a ater is asked to furnish every day. Just this morning, for instance, she was requested See him hurtling onward to his goal, : to give two libraries, a hospital and a Bak a co rons Congregational church.” 1s erence “Surely you don't mean to tell me sp that that unassuming young woman is Oh, honorable desire for victory! such a great philanthropist?” Oh, whizzing ambulance! “Oh, there's very little philanthropy Oh, arnica and salve! NEW. tk t 1 Mn. Froo—" Well say, if this Isn't the greatest about it. She is employed in a telephone Bring me more sake! kite ever!” exchange. comicbooks.com