Judge — October 21, 1905 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE'S FAVORITES. MISS MARY BOLAND, LEADING LADY IN “* STRONGHEART."* We take our faithful pen in hand To write our merry I Our muse it balks and Nalts and gropes, and, Desperate, we fling our pen away. And then we gaze upon your face, Fair maid—one lingering look. We grab that pen, our muse new born— Why, we could write a book. BALLADS OF THE HOUSE-HUNTERS. GING about 2 country home At Afton-by-the-Sea; Eighty feet of private beach ‘And cozy as can be. Plate-rails in the dining-room, Hard wood in the halls ; Kitchen sink of porcelain, ‘Silk paper on the walls. Agent has a lot to say ‘About the bully views ; Says the man who purchases ‘Il Never have the blues. Landlords in a hold-up game, Rents are going higher— Offered at a hundred down, Terms to suit the buyer. Sing ho for a place in Jersey! Sing hi for the salt’marshes, too! Where the water 's a cure And the ozone is pure, And the ‘skeeters are two inches throu Whence cometh this call of the wild, And why do commuters commute? When agents proclaim There’s so much in a name ‘They take up their chattels and scoot. There is Westchester, Port Chester, Bay Chester, too, And Mamaroneck out by the sound ; Neppethany Dunwoudie, and Naugatauk June. ‘Cob near New Canaan is found. Katonah and Bedford, up Chappaqua way, Poughkeepsie, Kensico and Rye; Mahopac and Tuckahoe, |, Verplank, ‘And Hempstead and Hicksville, L. 1. Communipaw, Rahway, and Hanover Neck, Hackensack, Pequannock, and Singac ; Wawayanda, Macopin, and Buckabear Pond, Soho Park, Totowa, and Nyack. Englewood, Tenafly, and Tappan on the North, Guttenburg and Hoboken close in; Haverstraw, Little Ter, Ramapo, Nanuet (Such jaw-breaking names are a sin). Sag Harbor, Manhansett, and Far Rockaway, ‘Amagansett, Good Ground, or Montauk ; Baiting Hollow, East Quogue, or the Shinnecock lis You'll find a long way if you walk. Konkunkoma, Wantagh, Sangaponack, and Cut- gue, Mattituck, Massapequa, St. James ; Sheepshead Bay, Centre Moriches, Flatbush, Yap- hank «Were there ever, I wonder, such names !) AN ANECDOTE OF BLAINE. ONE morning, in 1889, I went with Senator Allison to urge upon Secretary Blaine the definite selection of a place in the con- sular service for a friend of mine who had long been under promise of a consulship. We found the genial secretary in an unusually benevolent mood. He called for his official record of consulates, and, turning at once to «Vera Cruz,” asked, “How would your friend like Vera Cruz?” The inquiry was made in a tone and with a look which assured us that the inquirer’s one desire was to send us on our way rejoic- ing. He smilingly continued, One of the best harbors in the world— Mexico's great seaport—charming old Mexi- can town, and only sixty miles aw. Orizaba, with the finest climate in the world. I know—I've been there. It’s simply delightful Senator Allison here broke in with, “My memory may be at fault, Mr. Secretary, but haven't I heard something recently about the preva- lence of yellow fever in Vera Cruz?" The urbane secretary promptly responded with a twinkle of the eye, which told us something wes coming. “I'll be frank with you, senator. There és some yellow fever there during the heated term, but the de- partment has provided against that by giving Vera Cruz a vice-consul. Next spring, at the first approach of hot weather, your friend should flee as a bird to Orizaba and let his vice- consul stay and take the yellow Sever!" TOO FAR TO SEE. THERE was a time in our history when it was considered a dis- grace not to be a good speller. It was in those early days when the class recited with their toes on a chalk-mark and their arms held rig- idly at their sides, The best speller stood at the head of the line and the poorest at the foot. Proud old Judge Lyons felt deep- ly mortified because his only grand- son never occupied the place of hon- or, which he in his schooldays had always held. One evening he said to him, “Ned, if you will stand at the head of your class in spelling for a week I'll give you a gold watch and chain.” A gleam of pleasure lighted up the boy's face, but it soon faded away.’ A week later Judge Lyons inquired of his grandson if he was leading his class. “No, sir,"" said Ned. “Who is?” asked his grandfather. “I don't know, sir. It’s so far away I can't see.”” JOMNSON BRIGHAM. POOR MAN! (OYVHAT is a summer resort, pa?” “A man entirely surrounded by a body of women.” NOT HIS FIRST LOVE. | UNDERSTAND he married his first love." y, how can a fellow marry himself?” HER LAST REQUEST. *sQO YOU refuse mei?" sighs the discon- solate lover. «Then listen. 1 shall go far, far away. Time and distance shall swallow me up. I shall never see your face again.” *« Before you go, Harold," whispered the gyurl, ‘there is one favor I would ask of you.” “Yes?” He turns with hope rekindled in his heart, “While you are going to the far place you mention, would you mind sending me picture post-cards from each stopping-point ? Iam making a post-card album, and if you would "—— But with a hollow groan he has fled from her side. THE END OF THE CANNIBAL’S HONEYMOON. SAME CHILD? se THE paper tells of a town where a child is born every five minutes.” “They ought to give him a rest and let him have a chance to grow up.” NOT EDUCATED. Dyer—* Has Mack ha‘ a liberal educa- tion 2" Ryer— ried.” No; he has never been mar- Old maid— Who are you?" Strange man—“I'm Jack the hugger.” Old maid— What are your office-hours? comicbooks.com