Judge, 1905-10-07 · page 7 of 16
Judge — October 7, 1905 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several short satirical pieces typical of late-19th/early-20th-century American humor: **"A Good Start"** jokes about a child planning to become a doctor by surgically removing a dictionary's appendix—wordplay on the double meaning of "appendix." **"A Plea for Mercy"** satirizes a serial polygamist claiming credit for "saving" other men from marriage by marrying their ex-wives instead. **"Uncle 'Rastus's Opinions"** features a racist caricature of a rural Black farmer complaining that poor government seeds justify sending incompetent congressmen to Washington—a jab at both agricultural policy and political corruption through offensive dialect. **"No Abbreviations"** humorously depicts a teacher's strict insistence on full names, causing a nervous student to nervously invent "B-Billius Clark." **"His Modesty"** uses Irish dialect humor: a traveler asks ship fares, hears animals cost less, and requests passage "as a pig." **"Central Park Cinder-Path"** shows observers misinterpreting children's races as "skin games" (con games). The artwork is pen-and-ink illustration typical of the era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A GOOD START. Mamma —Gracious, Har- old ! what are you doing with the dictionary 2” Hareld—* You know, mam- ma, I'm going to be a doctor when I grow up, and I thought I'd be- gin by cutting out the appendix.” A PLEA FOR MERCY. Jupce—"" You stand convicted of marrying ten widows. Have you any- thing to say before sentence is passed upon you?" - Prisonen—'* Only dis, Judge: | hope yer'll remember, in passin’ sen- tence, how much trouble I saved nine other fellers.” CURIOUS, NEVER saw a barnacle a-growing on a barn, I never saw a star-fish with a star. I've never seen a window see—I've seen a window blind ; But I never saw carbuncles on a car. A SUSPICION. ] WONDER if it ever occurred to Abou Ben Adhem (may his tribe increase !) that perhaps the angel was reading the names in their alphabetical order. UNCLE 'RASTUS'S OPINIONS. ] SEE by ther papers thet the guv'ment has bin sendin’ aout a extra poor passle o° garden-seeds an’ sich a-durin’ o' ther year past, an’ thet's a egrejious error, Ther guv'ment ain't handin’ aout any too slick an article in ther line o° jest laws, an’ to preserve a gineral fair average it ort ter brace up an’ give us a purty good line o° punkin-seeds an’ sich, But I ruther guess we farmers are keepin’ our end up, by heck! We're re- taliatin’ all right. When ther guv'ment sends us a extra bad passle o' beet-seeds, by heck! we respond an’ send back ter Washin‘ton a mighty poor article o* hay- seed congressmen, eh? Ho, ho! Oh! Gurgle-urgle-ur! NO ABBREVIATIONS. T¥e. brothers, Julius and William, but commonly called Jule and Bill, were in the same class at school. The first morning of a certain teacher's régime each pupil was called upon to give his name. The elder of the two brothers happened to be the first one. “Your name, please?" asked the teacher in sharp, business-like tones. «+ Jule Clark.” She paused, her pencil raised above the tablet upon which she was prepared to record her pupils. . “No abbreviations, please—the whole name.” Julius Clark.” “Thank you; that will do. And you?" she queried of bashful little William, who was literally quaking with fear of those staccato- like sentences and clear-cut tones. « B-Billius Clark," he stammered. HIS MODESTY. «4 PLAZE, sor, phat’s th’ fare frum Dublin to Glasgow ?” inquired Pat of the clerk at a shipping-office. . “Eighteen shillings,” replied the latter. _* An’ phat do ye charge fer a pig or a cow?” “Oh, eighteen pence for a pig and three shillings for a cow.” “Well,” directed Pat, book me as a pig.” ON THE CENTRAL PARK CINDER-PATH. Mrs. Waxtono— What do you make out of that, Isaac?" "y Mr. Wantono—"' That must be one of them ‘ere ‘skin games" they speak of, ain't it? comicbooks.com