Judge — September 30, 1905 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE'S FAVORITES. MABEL MITE IN ‘'THE EARL AND THE GIRL," The lightsome, feathery wisps of wind, Dropped down from cooling height, Bring gladness to our sweltering kind When summer takes its flight. Just like a cooling, zephyry breeze, Your winsome, charming ways Put all our jaded minds at ease ‘When we are at your plays. A SUMMER DAY. KEMEMRER one perfect summer day, When the whole wide world seemed glad and gay; When the hours trilled by like a happy sung And life was sweet the whole day long. Did the sun shine? No; it was raining fast. Did the flowers bloom? No; they drooped in the blast. Did the birds sing? No; they hid in the tree— But, heart of my heart, you were here with me!" CAROLYN WELLS POOR GROUND. Reuben Hayseed—" That's awful poor ground in Deacon Hardup’s farm.” Roger Turniptop— should say so! Of @ dry year you can’t raise an umbrella on it.” POINTERS. ‘4GEEMS to me,” said the knowing quick- lunch man to a Wall-street customer, “you could make more money by going long of stocks.”” “And it seems to me,” replied the cus- tomer as he struggled to work his knife through the pie’s tough covering, “that you could make more money:by selling pie-crust short.” A TOAST TO KATE.. I drink a toast to lovely KB, Whose charms few maids can duplic8. Here's wishing her a happy {8 And health and wealth and high est8! ‘And may she not have long to w8 Before the right swain doth rel8 A plea like this: ‘* Be thou my m Don't hesit8—say yes, sweet Ki PROOF ¢4]S Mr. Davis a man of high breeding ?” «He is indeed. Why, the other day he raised his hat to me when he knew he hadn't his wig on.” A COMMANDING LEAD. 44] HAVE been in your little village but a few days,” said a traveling man to a red-bearded rural denizen, who was propped up against one of the posts of the Sprucetown hotel piazza, “+ but I can scarcely fail to observe the evident feeling of intense rivalry that exists between your people and those of the neighboring town of Petersville.” “Wa-al, yes,” said the village philosopher. people, an’ I guess their little ain't any more than returned. chance to make out that it’s a little livelier sort of place than t’other. started in by makin’ a lot of improvements —puttin’ in a dozen street-lamps, a sidewalk an a drinkin'-fountain—an’ they thought they was about as progressive as they made ‘em. Then we got the stage-line put through here, an’ soon after that Stebbins’s barn an’ hen- house burned clean to the ground. Folks hadn't any more'n finished talkin’ "bout that when the Petersville post-office was burglarized, an’ one of their deacons was turned out of the church fer card-playin’ within a fortnight. An’ so it's run. But we've landed on top again, same 's usual, an’ I shouldn't wonder if we stayed there a spell now.” “Why, what has happened in Sprucetown questioned the greatly-interested visitor. “Wa-al,” said the rustic informant, not with- out a proper degree of evident pride, «we had three funerals here this week, all in the same afternoon, by cracky !” «Petersville folks hain't got no great love fer us Ye see, one town is ferever lookin’ fer a In the beginnin’ Petersville now HIS FATHER’S SON. A PROFESSOR of mathematics in a leading New England college had been much annoyed by the students coming to class without their text- books. Various reasons were given. One man said that some one had borrowed his book. “That's no excuse,” said the irate professor. ‘Hereafter your work and your book are to be here. Any man who fails to bring them will be marked zero. No excuse of any kind will be taken.” The professor’s son was a member of this class and was the first one to be called up at the next recitation. + Adams, problem fourteen at the board,” called the professor. Pardon me, professor,” said his son ; ‘+ but I haven't my book.” “Haven't your book 2” roared the professor. He was doubly angry because his own son was the first offender. + Didn't you hear what I said yesterday ?” «Yes, professor; but my father borrowed my book last night and he didn’t bring it back.” THE THISTLES OF SAFETY. ‘Wiue—"' Ah, mother 's in her stocking feet. If she don't catch me before we get to the thistle-patch I'm safe.” HE WAS EXCUSED. MISS BROWN had occasion to inquire into the absence of Felix Novakowski from the morning session of school and received the following note of explanation : «+ Pleese teecher excuse Felix Novakowski he got late this morning when we stood up the clock she stand still and oblige his mother Mrs. Novakowski. Fis A LATE CALLER. OUR TREE ANCESTOR. Serious student—« Ancient legends of certain European nations relate that the first ancestor of mankind was a tree.” Frivolous ditlo— Was it a papaw tree?” Para Hoors—‘' Mary Ann, hasn't that young man gone yet? Come right up stairs and go to bed. ‘The sun came up three hours ago.” comicbooks.com