Judge — September 23, 1905 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HER HOME-COMING. BEHOLD the bonny summer gir, In color berry-brown, And, bound for fushion’s busy whirl, Flits gayly Lack to town! Gallants and country swains galore Before her charms have knelt, And scalps that number quite a score She dangles at her belt. She's “motored” over sunny Spain Or sketched in Fontainebleau ; She's hunted caribou in Maine Or “sledged with Esquimaux. She's climbed the highest pyramid Or followed art to Rom Deciphered old inscriptions But now—she’s coming home! She's coming home! The skies above Reflect a rarer blue. at's all this world, when weighed with love, If one sweet maid be true? RANEST NRAL LYON. She's coming home! The very words Are rhythmical with song, And fast as flight of happy birds Her lover's fancies throng. THE CALF OF GOLD. ARON had just finished the golden calf. Turning to the children of Israel, he bitterly said, «This would not have been necess. rials necessary for the formation of a beef trust.” f we had possessed the mate- TRADE NOTE. 46] SUPPOSE you hear lots of funny things every day,” says the new acquaintance to the plodding humorist, who nods in reply, «And utilize them in your work? What is the funniest thing you hear?" What you have just asked _— 2 me.” THEREFORE. seRUT why,” murmured the zebra, “do you give me name?” «+ Because,” answered Adam, *+you look about as unnatural as HIS TRADE. FOLLOWED INSTRUCTIONS. SMARTLY-DRESSED young man, who by his jaunty air and evident celf-assurance might have passed for the twin brother of a book-agent, drove into the yard of a lonely farm-house one day. Alighting, he called to the only individual in sight, a half- grown youth who was busily engaged in piling wood in the yard. “Hi, there, Reuben! Just keep an eye on my horse while I'm inside, will you?” + Reuben “ muttered an unintelligible response as the stranger entered the house, and continued the wood-piling. The visit in- doors was prolon wd, and the horse, becoming impatient, started up and proceeded at a leisurely gait down the highway. It was soon out of sight. Presently the driver reappeared. “Say, boy!" he shouted exasperatedly, “didn’t I ask you to watch my horse ?” “Guess ye did,” was the unruffled response ; ‘+an' I done it, too, till he got down beyond the turn in the road. SAD. THERE once was a young man in Me, Who suffered such terrible pe. At getting the mitten When he was love-smitten That at last he went wildly inse. ONE FELLOW’S SACRIFICE. Giles— A man has to give up too much when he marries. De Garry—+ Well, if T catch that heiress the only thing I'll give up will be my job.” A SUGGESTION. JASON was searching for the golden fleece. “What's the matter with the copper one 2” they inquired. Advertisements not being in style, however, this anecdote was never before printed. . Go WHAT'S IN A NAME? SSGHARESPEARE says there's nothing in a name.” «But let us suppose that Napoleon's last battle had been fought at a certain place in Ohio. Would we, in that case, ever re- fer to a man's defeat as his Upper Sandusky ?” Lady—* Do you think this medicine would do my husband any good 2"* Druggist—“\'m sure of it, the letter z will when the alpha- het is devised ; consequently you vill work in harmoniously as an i.lustration, DURING THE WEEK. 669 TTIS Mon. that makes the world go ‘re He sai ‘The daughter of a millionaire, So loving hearts can live in Tues." He found a lass, a moneyed lass— Alas! a lass who would not Wed. «My heart belongs to some one else, But still I thank you, Thur.” she s + Some other fish I needs must Fri., He said, ‘because I want the Mo And then he went ‘way back and This tired, luckless, beat r HER EXCUSE, Tommy Tittles—* Are you going to-night ?” ‘and so I think I'll choose Tne wewsparer MAN—' Wouldn't take that fellow over there for a carpenter, would you?” Contractor—''No; he doesn’t look as if he ever did a day's work in his life. What's his specialty ?"" ‘The NEWSPAPER MAN—" Air castles.” ound," aid, to the ball Miss Up-to-date—1 haven't anything to Tommy Tittles—“ Oh, don't go, then !" | Mrs. Henpeck—« Second thought: you know. Henpeck—* Not yours. You remember the first time I proposed you refused me.” 's are best, NARROW ESCAPE. Weary Witiie—"* Wot's dis?” Mrs. Haxpour—"' Angel-cake."* Weary Wittiz—"* Horrors! madam, Lady—** Hum! What other kinds have you got ?” T wuz Jest goin’ ter eat itt" ‘ comicbooks.com