Judge, 1905-09-09 · page 6 of 16
Judge — September 9, 1905 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a humorous fictional diary from a comic character with a thick, exaggerated German-Yiddish accent (rendered phonetically: "vat," "py jiminy," "eggspected"). The narrator claims to be a polar explorer who discovered the North Pole but immediately lost it the same evening—a joke on the era's famous polar exploration races and competing claims. The satire mocks both explorers' grandiose self-promotion and contemporary immigrant stereotypes. The accent-heavy narrative ridicules German-American immigrants while poking fun at the melodramatic tone of real polar expedition accounts. Details like befriending bears with street-organ music and milking a she-bear for cream are absurdist humor. The tiny cartoon captioned "Just Even" (bottom right) appears unrelated to the main story. Overall, this is light satirical commentary on exploration mythology and ethnic humor typical of early-20th-century American magazines.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
STRAY LEAVES FROM THE DIARY OF A POLA% EXPLORER. Y DEAR CHUDGE—I hand you heremit some stray leafs ouid of my diary vich vill show vat insurmountable obstacles I haf climbed ofer on my drip to der pole. I eggspected to die right avay venn I vent- edst into der polar rechions, so I kept dis diary so future chenerations could read obouid me und veep scalding tears ofer my frozen-body maybe. Id iss der only book I shall write abouid how I discofered der nort pole und losted id der same efening. On der ice-cakes abouid half-past July.—I haf gazed for der fairst time upon the polar summer thaw. It vas a glorious sight! Py jim- inetty, nudding I efer see vas so grandt. Der thermometer vas oop to ninety degrees in der shade—ninety degrees more undt it would be oop to zero, py jiminy! Der arctics vere floating py. Bears vare skip- ping abouid like young lambs und doing athleticals on der icebergs, und ofer all vas der languor und der dreamy haze obf der lazy summer admosphere mit a sprinkle of icicles. Dashes of der former eggsplor- ers are eferyvare thawing ouid, Der atmospherics vas vun big melt- ing swear vord vare der dashes hat frozen togedder in vun solid mass. It vill be a varm place if dese earnest dashes of der excited eggsplor- ers should all thaw ad der same time. Abouid daybreak in Chersey.—Der expedition is fairst rate and der food supply goot. Some smart Ikey vill eggspect me to say I life ‘on stewed boot-heel mit an ongtree of hashed icicles, but it iss not so. Ve haf all der modern imbrovements in dis pole pitzness nowadays und my preakfast vas composed of der following ingrejients : beefsteak und pork cutlets mit mushrooms und coffee mit cream. I vas taming a she-bear und she gomes oop efery morning to be milked. Dot iss how I haf cream. I haf adoptioned a new - und it iss so different Y003T A ete from vat the bears haf been used to from der udder eggsplorers dot eferywhere I am received mit honors by der bears. I vill joost relate a leedle inci dentals to show you how dis iss. Der fairst day after I reached der polars a dozen bears gomes on der hind-legs a-sniffing und hunching al so I make der iceberg I vas sitting on tremble. a couble of yarts avay I know joost vat I vill do. of der leedle street-organ I haf mit me und make some pretty tunes vich vas nefer blayed nort of der siebenzig parallel pefore, und der bears begin to dance und gome right avay oop und rub deir noses mit my nose und ve bin goot friendts efer since. Sveet moosic py der Neapolitan organ on vheels iss der true solution of polar discofery. Venn I go ouid of efenings on der icebergs und serenade der bears mit such moosicals as ** Dare vill be a hot time in der oldt town to- night” und “ Vare iss my wandering poy?" und + Hiawatha," der bears loos deir implacable hate fer mankinds und ged a chumminess right avay. In der sleep-pag abouid midnight—Joost pefore sundown und abouid ten moments pefore der si o'clock vhistle blows der time to knock off work fer der day I tripped oop on sumdings und lifted it out of der snow- pank und found it vas a parallel of lati- chude. It vas a great findt und I erec- tioned a monument py der light of der moon und den celebrated py having vun pig feed, Der piggest scoop yet.—Id vas a lonely day und der arctics look eggstremely on derblink und vun pig vhite vaist iss too mooch, seeing dot it iss but a vaist of snow und icicles. I spent a very miser- able day mit myself und dink abouid dings ad home und den all of a sudden I find a false leg in der snow. Id's wood but id looks suspitchi- ously human, and anyvay id iss company. I cannod tell ad dis writing vedder id iss a man's leg or a woman's, But anyvay id makes der prospect a leedle less orbidding. After studying the situation I hat gome to der conclusioning that vat der pole needs iss more guide- boards und blenty of advertising signs in der vacant lots. Dis vould gif to der polar rechions a more cheerful aspect. Venn der bears vas I grab der handtle “Id makes der prospect a leedie less forbidding.”* eberg No. 4-11-44.—Venn I ventedst ouid man kindly left py der gate to-day I vas purty near donder-strucken because I haf a visitor. How good it seems to meet oop mit a fellow beings in dis lonesome climate. I set “Glad to see you, neighbor ; valk right in.” Der Eskymo feller shmiles und says, «*SkisydhfgD&8&,(;.3gmildbfgrn.” I replied in der stately spooche ohf der tropics, + Vill you kintly back oop und fire that off joost a leedle slower? Und vy you don't make sum gestures venn you spoken, fer maype I ged der hang obf der gestures any- vay?” Then ve sid down und talk toged- der, and ged a chum- miness right avay. I toldt him abouid Ni York und he tellt me abouid der pole und den he avay. I haf sam- ples of his spooche vich I vill melt oop some days und see if it makes sense. Last day at der pole.—Ad last I vas bound fer home. Der pole is discofered vile you keep your eye fastened on id. Venn you look der udder vay it iss gone und has to be discofered all ofer again. A dreary round, is life ad der pole. First der eggsplorer.-. Den der relief party goes after der eggsplorer. Der search party den starts to hunt the relief party. Der bears ged der eggsplorer. Der relief party eat der bears. More bears eat der search party vat looks fer der relief party und der new crop of eggsplor- ers start ouid und eat der bears. Und so id goes. [haf a dreami I fell asleep in der snow-pank und dreamed I vas ad home lecturing abouid der pole, only der audience vas all pig vhite bears mit vide mouths und ing to der udders, + Led him ged id off his mind, id iss Id vas a eggstremely trying situation, Ad der food cache p to take in der ice vich dei vent Life at der pole vas vun dreary round.”* not dinner time yet already ?” Ivake up mit a screamings und id vas efening und snew eferyvare und sun like a squash on the distand horizon vas ofer all a low pe shining. Here is vare I quit. No more polars in mine. to civilizations, vare id iss joost as coldt but nit so lonesome. PARKIN WAKBECK. I go beck JUST EVEN, Mr. Henreck (boldly)—“ I've been talking to a pretty girl down town—she didn’t know | was married, either.”” Mrs, Henreck—" Well, a gentleman just called here and ma eyes at me, and he knew | was married, too."” comicbooks.com