Judge — September 2, 1905 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WHY SHE IS UNAFRAID. 46 A ND you are not afraid to become the wife of a poor man, my darling ?" he said when she had softly whispered yes to all that he had said on his bended knees, with her hand clasped in his. sweetheart,” she said bravely, +1 can face anything with you by my side.” But you must not forget that Lam a poor man and one who cannot keep servants for you, and we will have to live in a very plain and simple way until our ship comes “What care I for that?” she said bravely. «+1 know that I shall just love to keep house in our own dear little home. 1 just adore housework and cooking. And do you think that your little girly-girl doesn’t know anything about housekeeping? Foolish boy ! Why, mamma says that I dust s0 nicely, and I often beat the whites of the eggs for her when she makes a cake—and I can make angel-cake all by myself. And fudge! All the girls say that I can make the loveliest fudge they ever ate ; and Mamie Giddie is going to teach me to make those delicious little tarts we had at her house the other evening. And yet you think that Iam afraid to marry a poor man and do my own cooking and house- work. What a foolish, foolish ol boy you are! THE NEW THOUGHT CORN-KILLER. HY suffer with old-fashioned corns when the New Thought treatment ofters an imme- diate and painless cure? Anybody can do it who has the New Thought. Expose the corn and pass the finger-tips of your right hand over it slowly and caressingly, at the same time sending a current of vibrations from the brain to the corn. If it is a soft corn 413 vibrations per second will suffice; if a hard corn put on forced draught. Repeat slowly: «1am now sending a current of Thought Force into my corn, and am so separat- ing, deducing, detaching, disintegrating, rending, splitting, sundering, splintering, snip- * BABES. IN TOYLAND.”” ping, dwellicating, whittling, dispersing, dislocating, eliding, divorcing, pulverizing, slash- You're billed to do a whirlwind dance, ing, slicing and dissecting it, that presently it will pass away." Repeat three times, then, And that’s just what you do do: with rising inflection, “ Avaunt, avaunt, avaunt!" Finish by repeating the password, But of all the whirlwinds we've seen dance t . oT Not one can dance as you do, “The universe is mine. Lam it.” The corn will at first look extremely surprised, then JUDGE'S FAVORITES. NELLIE O'NEILL, WHIRLWIND DANCER IN ‘Weil ‘ fi wilt and fade fe like your dance, but not the whirlwind’s, . ' - For when you dance you smile. beautifully It's the girl inside the whirl that winds— from sight. You've got the whirlwind beat a mile TWO VERY YOUNG MARRIED WOMEN. S, my husband does an immense business—just a rush the whole time. He sells everything just a little below cost, you know ++ But I don’t see how he can make any money that wa + Oh, but he sells so much. THE NEW-YORKER. SYVHAT are the principal places of interest about New York ?" “You'll have to ask some stranger. I've lived here all my life, you know.” A DOTTY DITTY. THERE was a young heiress named Dot, \ . \\ Who marry a Vankee would not ; : COUNTED ‘ouT. & lord (with an eye Tommy Cat (Sunday mornings —** Shall we invite Willie Pig to go along?” pa dot") she did buy, Tne Butt-rur (whose mother forbade his fishing on Sunday)—"'| should say And the Lord ante knows what she’s got. not! Don't you know what a reputation he has for squealin’?* WHY THE TENOR WAS FINED. HE late Judge (+ Biff”) Hall of Chicago took great delight in telling the following story of + Punch Wheeler : Wheeler, at that time the advance-agent of a minstrel company, had returned to New York before the close of the theatrical season, and a friend, meeting him on Broadway, asked him how he had found business. “Very bad,” said + Punch "; +*so bad that the only way we could pay the mem- hers of the troupe was to fine them, It worked splendidly, too ; and by the time we reached Texas the manager had squared up with the whole company excepting the first tenor, who was such a proper chap that there was no chance to find fault with his actions. At Galveston Mr. Tenor sang for his solo * The Light-house by the Sea,” and for an encore responded with ‘ Over the Hills to the Poor-house.’ That gave the boss the opportunity he was looking for, and he levied on the songster’s salary for the entire amount—first, for telling the business we were playing to; and second, for giving away the route of the show.” ‘THE SCHOOL ESSAY. HE superintendent of the public school in an eastern town was drilling a class of children in essay-writing. The object was to see which one could write the best and shortest essay in five minutes. Then he gave them the words «bitter end" to be used in some form in the essays. ‘That evening, as he was correcting their work, he was greatly astonished and amused to read the following essay from one of the young members of the class: * The dog chased the cat and bitter end.” CAN BE TRUSTED. Lapy—"* You don't want to cry because you lost seven May—1s he a man you can trust?” cents. You might find it again.”* Kio—" Awe go on! | loosed djs in a crap-game.”* Bess—Oh, yes. Papa says he owes everybody.” comicbooks.com