Judge — September 2, 1905 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

From a cursory glance it would seem that ‘civilization has already got its load of perils, and I, for one, do not see how . we could make room foranother one before another spring. But we can never choose our perils or the time of their arrival. They come like Poe's raven, at their own sweet pleasure, and roost wheresoe‘er they will. I do not wish to unduly alarm the public, but duty is duty, and it has never been my practice to go off on a picnic when duty stands beckoning. Let us suppose for a moment that the Smith family should wake up and get busy, form a union, com- JUST CON- | bine, trust, or what not, THE Siisns, | and proceed to make h Why the Smiths have never done this is a mystery. But because they never have done it, is that any sign they never will? On the day the Smiths begin to get together the rest of the population may as well go down to the ship offices and book for the steerage. When that day comes the president will be a Smith, the vice-president the same, the senators and representatives ditto. | ma, and the Rockefellers, Morgans, even the Joneses and the Browns, will have to do the Nebuchadnezzar act or else take the portfolio of the wash-tub or the frying-pan in the Smith kitchens. For some time I have had my eye on the Smiths so as to be the first to detect! any signs of the get-to-| gether movement. At last I have seen the peril approaching. The Smiths are on the move, Smith's Maga- ¢ was the first flyer toward a mer- ger. England has its Smith's Weekly to egg on the British branch of the family, and this latter has now started a *suc- cess department. “How to get ahead and how to stay there” is the insidious caption of the department, if my memory serves aright. Certainly nothing can be more menacing to the supremacy of the rest of us than this systematic device to inspire the Smiths, to raise bumps of de- sire all over the Smith cranium, to give an ambitious chestiness to the Smiths and make the Smiths hump themselves to get there, When the universal alliance of PRICKLY HEAT- CHAFING quickly cured by Packer's Tar Soap Pure as the Pines Relieves Sunburn, Bites, Stings, etc., like magic. SOOTHING - HEALING - ANTISEPTIC the associated societies of inspired Smiths, all nursing Smith -booms, glides grac fully and in perfect unison out of the city directories and starts in to make Rome howl, you are going to hear a noise that will wake up Moses. A glance at the advice being ladled out to the British Smiths will show how the peril presses, yes, crowds upon us. The Smith inspirer tells of a man who was looking for work. He hung round the docks all day. Just at quitting-time he heard a splash and was told a workman had fallen in the river and drowned. Ah!" he said to himself, «there is a vacancy. I will go now and sleep well and be here bright and early in the morning and get that poor drowned fellow's job.” So he goes home. The next morning finds him at the dock when the gate opens. He asks for the job. Now, mark what follows. Bear in mind this advice is being worked to boom the Smiths, He is told there is no vacancy.“ Why, a man was drowned just at quitting-time,” he exclaims, «and Lam the first to apply for the place.” “Oh, that place was filled last night,” says the foreman. “Who got it?” asks the astonished n, “The fellow who pushed him in,” the amazing reply. OUST THE DEMON. A TUSSLE WITH COFFEE. There is something fairly demoniacal in the way coffee sometimes wreaks its fiendish malice on those who use it, A lady writing from California says : ** My husband and 1, both lovers of cof- fee, suffered for some time from a very annoying form of nervousness, accompa- nied by most frightful headaches. In my own case there was eventually developed some sort of affection of the nerves lead- ing from the spine to the head. “1 was unable to hold my head up straight, the tension of the nerves drew it to one side, causing me the most intense pain. We got no relief from medicine, and were puzzled as to what caused the trouble, till a friend suggested that pos- sibly the coffee we drank had something to do with it, and advised that we quit it and try Postum Coffee. * We followed his advice, and from the day that we began to use Postum we both began to improve, and in a very short time both of us were entirely relieved. The nerves became steady once more, the headaches ceased, the muscles in the back of my neck relaxed, my head straightened up, and the dreadful pain that had so punished me while I used the old kind of| coffee vanished. “We have never resumed the use of the old coffee, but relish our Postum every day as well as we did the former bever- age. And we are delighted to find that we can give it freely to our children also, something we never dared to do with the old kind of coffee.” Name given by Post- um Co., Battle Creek, Mich, Postum Coffee contains absolutely no drugs of any kind, but relieves the coffee drinker from the old drug poison. There's a reason. The Packer Mfg. Co, New York. There you ate. ‘That's the Smith! boom. “ ‘That man had made his own opportunity,” comments this British inspirer of! the Smiths, after tellin; his little ‘dock story Then in full-thee old-style Gentian caps, | set in astonishers and thrice repeated, the Smiths are admonished thus: “Do it yourself!" “ Be polite to everybody ” and Never be discouraged.” If the Smith man is getting next in this enthusiastic and determined fashion, what will happen when the Smith girl gets under way ? The thought is appalling. Boys, when you see the Smith girls coming just sail in and win as many as you can on the best terms you can get, for you are a goner, anyhow. A GIRLS IDEA. Every girl has the idea in her head that the story of her lite would make a good novel if only some expert literary man knew the whole inside history of it— Somerville Fournal. Keeps the Face Fair Glenn's Sulphur Soap makes the skin healthful and clears the face of pimples, blackheads, blotches. Sold by druggists. 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