Judge — August 26, 1905 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HOW TO GET A MILLIO! Here is a letter that calls for a careful, conscientious reply because it probably voices the desire of a multitude of ambi- It read as follows : souls. “Dear sir—I am a young man and tious very ambitious. 1 am also quite poor. In tact, Lam only earning eight dollars a week at my present place, Now, we hear so much about millionaires all about us that it seems to me there can't be such a great secret about getting a million dol- lars, Uhave decided that my object shall be to accumulate one million dollars. Can you tell me how to go about it? Awaiting your favor, [am most sincerely yours, «« FERDINAND SLUGHEIMER. “P, s.—How long do you think it onght to take to do it?" This letter undoubtedly voices a gen- eral desire, and we shall dwell on the sub- ject somewhat at length in order, first, to show that it is really quite easy to amass that amount of money ; Second, that it does not take long to do it, and third, to tell how it is done. We have seen for a long time that some short, simple rules for cor- railing a mint of coin are in great demand, and it has hurt our sensitive conscience to note how the success papers have talked all around the subject without once coming to the main point, We have ad- vice ladled out to us by the quart, yea, by the barrel, the pipe, the tun, but not one of the virile “ successists ” cones to the centre with the simple rule we all want most, viz., Just what shall 1 do to grab a bunch of the real money, say a million or two? NOT SO HARD AFTER ALL, The first_and most obvious thing for you to do, Ferdinand, is to begin at once to save one dollar every week out of your eight dollars of wages. This would enable you to amass one million dollars in the short space of nineteen thousand years. At interest the time could be shortened some- what, but if you prefer to steer clear of banks and schemes and be independent, you had better take the slower but safer course. This may seem a long time, Ferdinand, but that depends on the point of view, It is really but a moment in the long procession of eternity. Then, too, one million dollars is quite a lot of money. But if this seems too plodding, too poky, too soporific, then there are ways more “frenzied,” so to speak. A scheme involving shrewder financier- ing is this : While you are saving a dol- lar a week, get one thou- sand others similarly sit- uated likewise to save a dollar a week. That means an aggregate of one thousand dol- lars 2 week that is being saved between you. Now, Ferdinand, all you have to do is to rig up a little duplex, back-action, non-rotating, sight feed lubricating join- ture, corporation, or what not, by which you get the thousand, It is very simple, there's no come-back, and thus you get your million ina little less than twenty years. WRONG SORT. PERHAPS PLAIN OLD MEAT, POTATOES AND BREAD MAY BE AGAINST YOU FOR A TIME. | A change ¢o the right kind of food can lift one from a sick bed. A lady in Wel- den, ill., says : “Last Spring I became bed-fast with severe stomach trouble, accompanied by sick headache. I got worse and worse until I became so low I could scarcely retain any food at all, although I tried every kind. I had become completely discouraged, had given up all hope and thought I was doomed to starve to death, till one day my husband, trying to find something I could retain, brought home some Grape-Nuts. “To my surprise the food agreed with me, digested’ perfectly and without dis- tress, I began to gain strength at once, my flesh (which had been flabby) grew firmer, my health improved in every way and every day, and in a very few weeks I gained 20 pounds in weight. I liked Grape-Nuts so well that for 4 months I ate no other food, and always felt as well satisfied after eating as if I had sat down to a fine banquet. ; “Thad no return of the miserable sick stomach nor of the headaches that I used to have when I ate other food. I am now a well woman, doing all my own | work again, and feel that life is worth) living. rape-Nuts food has been a godsend to my family ; it surely saved my life, and my two little boys have thriven on it won- derfully.”. Name given by Postum Co., Battle Creek, Mich. There's a reason. Get the little book, “The Road to Wellville,” in each package. MADE BY HAND. For f For Yachtsmer Tourists Horsemen Autoists Fishermen \ Oarsmen Hunters Canoeists Golfers Campers ana members of the Grand Army of Ow ers Standar—« Did the deaf-mute orator Another way is to get your great-grand- father to buy a farm where Harlem is go- ing to grow up; or, let him buy a forest from an Indian for a piece of | bright, red yarn, indi- ans love yarns and have been known to swap a continent for two or three skeins. |Then there are coal fields, oil fields and lots of valuable things. Now have grand- father buy these things before anybody knows what they are worth and keep them in the family, and you will get your million in a jifly. The corner-lot scheme is also a beauty. Buy it in a good city site and then go on a vacation and let the city grow. The city will call it pas- ture land until it's worth a million or so, and then you scoop the goods. Another cracking good plan, Ferdi- nand, would be to get the governments to treat the oceans as private property and get one of them into your family. Then you could rent it to the rest of the people and get a good steady income that would enable you to save money rapidly. I am now at work on a scheme to purchase the atmos- phere and commercialize it. There is no reason why this great property should remain at large, a common asset, to be used and wasted by the rag-tag and bob- tail, I will let you in on this if you'll keep it mum. During campaigns I will tank so much air to each stump-speaker at two dollars per evening. I will also supply the hot air to peace confabs. Well, you can see where the money is. I intend to roof over the cities and pipe the air down just the same as J. D. pipes the oil up. Oh, it’s a copper-riveted cinch all And now, my boy, there is one other way, but it is complicated, expensive and full of peril. But the stakes are large, and if you play it right you are und to win, First, buy a small, select legislature in a good location, or you might invest in a higher class of property and lay’in a supply of congressmen and senators, This is called high finance and practical politics, and if worked right brings very satisfactory re- turns ina short time. Ii you wish to get your million quick you had better adopt this plan. A cross-cut that saves time is to buy some stock of a busted concern, merge, incorporate a holding company, issue bonds, hypothecate the old stock, water the new issue, get your sponsors’ names before the public, then cross-breed the common and preferred stock, turn a double somersault backward, appoint a receiver, bear the stuff in good shape, and walk on your hands and knees three times round a ten-acre field. By this time you should have pulled the leg of the nation to the tune of at least three million, Two million of this goes to your promoters and you have the rest. Good luck to you ‘ONE SUGGESTED. A tablespoonful of Abbott's Angostura_Bit- ters in a glass of sweetened water after meals is the greatest aid to digestion known, IN THE BUNKER. Mrs, Greene— You shouldn't be think- ing of golf in church, dear.” ‘Mr. Greene—" Well, I really couldn't help it. You see, that’ Mrs. Styles, with her big hat, sat right in front of me, and I couldn't get the idea out of my head that I was in the bunker !"— Yonkers right, Statesman, and in influence and the progress and glory Liberal use of reputation. 225 Fourth Avenue make a set speech ?” Doyle—"No; he spoke off-hand."— Cleveland Leader. 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