Judge, 1905-08-26 · page 10 of 16
Judge — August 26, 1905 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several unrelated satirical pieces: **Top cartoon ("Why He Hesitates"):** Shows three well-dressed men examining what appears to be a large bomb or explosive device labeled "Municipal Ownership." The satire critiques hesitation about municipal ownership—likely of utilities or services—suggesting politicians fear its consequences despite public interest. **"Time's Changes":** A brief joke about a baseball fan (Battser) who now focuses on his "home nine" (his eight children plus wife), punning on baseball terminology. **"The Machine That Out-Pies Mother":** A satirical poem mocking industrial progress and mass-production machinery. It celebrates a fictional automated pie-making machine while nostalgically lamenting lost domestic values—mother's homemade pies and genuine affection replaced by industrial efficiency and fake sentiment from modern women. **"Foiled Again":** Three brief jokes about modern gender relations and political corruption, suggesting cynicism about both romance and ethics. The page reflects Progressive Era anxieties about industrialization, changing gender roles, and municipal politics.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
WHY HE HESITATES. The nearer he gets the fiercer it looks. ‘TIME’S CHANGES, Fielding—“ How time changes a man! There's Battser. A dozen years ago he was so engrossed with the teams on the diamond that he cared for nothing else, Now all his thoughts are centred in his family. You know he has a wife and eight children.” Rhuns—" Well, that isn’t so muca of a change. » He has simply transferred his interest to his home nine.” THE MACHINI THAT OUT-PIES MOTHER. FOILED AGAIN. Villain—"If I should kiss you I suppose you'd go tell your mother,” Modern shepherdess— No; 1 should go tell my lawyer.” Senator Craft— Do you think I would accept a bribe ?” Dyer—*| haven't enough money to find out.", (A Pittsburg baker has invented a machine that will turn out 24,000 complete pies a day somewhat as a press prints a complete paper.) "VE lived to see the mystery of something that is new— ‘A machine got up so cleverly a wonder-work to do; And now I think I'm ready for to move along toward home, For there's noth-ing more to learn. You talk about your giant guns that saoot a ton of lead — ‘The dose of liquid sunshine which in radium you's re fed ; You tell me of the x-ray and the n-ray to your fill, Bat there's some-thing great-er still. T’ve heard about the wondrous pies that mother used to bake, And I know how far superior was the kiss pa used to take As compared to that our busy ‘bachy” maids now give away To the boys that live to-day. And now I trot the marvel out I'm bragging of to you It's a most expert contraption for the work it’s meant to do— A kind of press and thresh-machine and cook-stove all in one. And it prints a pie cooked done. You fill the hopper full of water, flour, yeast and lard, And then you grab the bellows-wheel and blow the blame thing hard. You squirt a tub of filling through a hose of twelve-inch size, ‘Then you print about a million pies. Did you ever see your daily paper coming from the press? Well, there you have a sample of this pie-machine, I You can print a noon edition in the middle of the night, And it’s “yellow pie” all right. Another cute contraption I should mention as I This pie-machine was made to down a pestilential class. You brag about the pies your mother used to make and scoff, And it bites your ears right off. fue owL—"* My! see how Mr, Raccoon struts!"* Tue souinnet—" Yes. He made quite a reputation for aimself, lately, singing ‘coon songs.’ ” amou not t how i time | ralliny and it to no talked comin vice la by the one o} the ce want grab : millior The you to