Judge — August 19, 1905 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

UTILIZING A WASTED FORCE. 1. Uncle Sambo finds it difficult to operate the grindstone and hold the axe at the same time— THE SUCCESS SECRET. N SPITE of the thousand and one success mentors and guides now operating for the benefit of the ambitious multitude the key to greatness has been so well hidden that nobody has been able to find it. We have read a lot of rub- bish about ++ how to get great and how to stay so,” but when we come to sift it and hunt the fine grain of wheat we have discovered, to our chagrin, that the wheat had been care- fully taken out beforehand. Those who have studied Mr. Russell Sage and J. P. Morgan and Chauncey Depew at close range, with the idea that they were going to be let into the secret of being Sages, Mor- gans and Depews, have usu- ally gone home and looked in the mirror and straightway acknowl- 2, —but with a little inventive genius and a strap he goes after a reat idea— 3. —-and thus shows that where there is a will there is a way. edged the bitter truth that they were the same people they were at the start. very twilight of dawn over ambitious lives. paper we came across this startling piece of information to-day : If any one in the following list happens to live in your neighborhood ask him how fe likes Ais HOT-AIR PUMP.” Then follows a list of names, among which are the following: Whitelaw Reid, J. P. Morgan, Chauncey M. Depew, W. K., George and Frede- rick Vanderbilt, ex-Mayor Seth Low, Andrew Carnegie, ex-Senator D. B. Hill, Valentine Blatz, and the sultan of Turkey. And there you are. These men have been soaring aloft for yeais and making us all mad with envy, and yet it was never breathed to a living soul that the secret of their exaltation before the world was in this simple artific they use’ hot-air pumps. Why, it’s easy as easy! Anybody can do it now. All that ‘was needed was a friendly tip—somebody kind egough to put us on to a good thing. Of course everybody saw that it was rarefied atmosphere that was doing the business, but how? There is a But there is a little hope at last—just a ray to sprinkle a sil- Hidden away in a trade the back, trick about the simplest things that has to be learned, and we often stumble on for years without learning it, because nobody tells us the how of it. Now, the secret is out about this success trick. It's hot air plus a pump. How simple after you once know! This is great news for all. Are you falling behind in the race? Get a hot-air pump. Are you poor? Geta PUMP. Do you need a boost? The PUMP for yours. To one and all, start new, take heart, lift up your head, hold up your chin, and get a PUMP—a rarefied- atmosphere ‘orce-PUMP. MR. MORGAN'S ART. J, PIERPONT MORGAN, * the eminent financier, was coming out of a well-known and popular beanery in the neighborhood of Park Row. “Ah, there, old chap!" we cried as we playfully slapped him on «Have you bought anythin, in the art line lately ?” «Well, yes,"" he replied as he licked his chops reminiscently. +1 — Geo- Hope. A TOOL JEST. Screw—‘* My! but that nail ts conceited.” Hauuer—" Yep. He don't noti pulled him out of a hole many a time. ‘me any more, and yet | have bought a dish of corned beef and cabbage in there about half an hour ago that was a dream.” Remembering Mr. Morgan's al- most passionate fondness for this wsthetic viand, we readily accepted his statement, and were rather pleased to know that he had bought that the Metropolitan Museum would not get. someth LEARNING TO MOTE. MOTHER, may 1 go learn to mote? Yes, my darling daughter. ‘Take a course at a correspondence school, But don't go near the motor. ALEX SCHWALRACH. HOW AMELIA PLAYS. AFTERNOON callers at the home of Mrs. Duplisse had just been favored with an organ selection by that lady's young daughter. “Yes, Amelia play ver’ good,” said: the hostess in acknowledgment of the company’s praise. Amelia, she never took no lesson, neider; she play entirely wit’ her ears." comicbooks.com