Judge — July 29, 1905 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CASE AGAINST THE GOVERNMENT. Hackamore Hank— Buttwnacker Bitt- Well, ain't the government to blame?” HARD LINES. HEN our ships come in," they say, “+ We shalll have great treasure then— All the wonders of Cathay, All the wealth and power of men.” And they dream and laugh and sing Of what their ships will bring, ‘As happy as the children are at play. When my ship comes in—ah, me! Every word is but a tear; All the thought is travesty Playing on from year to year. ‘And I do not dream or sing Of what my ship will bring, For I have no ship at sea—I am broke. QUALIFIED. Seaside mayor —"1 will now examine you for life-guard. Are you tat- tooed 2” Life-guard— es, sir. Seaside mayor— Do you know the best thing for sunburn 2?” Life-guard—" Yes, sir.” Seaside mayor— You have passed the examina- tion. Report to-morrow.” DRY, BATHING. LITTLE drops of water (On her bathing-dress Fills the summer maiden With unhappiness. 308 cone. MIGHT STRAIN THE TELESCOPE. Wesrern tourist (in the Alps)—"' Say, mister, | reckon yer never trained yer lookin’ glass onto our Pike's Peak, other side o' the puddle, eh? Well, yer don't want to. little hill fest erbout fills her to the brim. Try her on our Colorado stone-heap an’ she'd bust, sure as preachin’.”” LITTLE JOHNNY’S DIVORCE CONUNDRUM. 4] T'S funny about divorce,” said little Johnny to his pa. If either party wants to and the other doesn’t, the application will more than likely be granted. But let both want to! Then the court will be indignant, will deny the plea, and have both parties indicted for conspiracy.” What claim have you got ag'in the government when you got hurt tyin’ fire-crackers to a mule’s tall?" “Well, now, here's the hull case: It was a government mule, an’ it was the Fourth, an’ that’s a government day, ain't it? HER BABY A BORN LINGUIST. 66 CAN your baby talk 2" I asked of one of my friends, whose first born was being exhibited with true motherly pride and affection. 4 Talk?" said the mother with a note of indignation in her voice. “Well, I should say so! Come, baby, dear; say * bread and butter’ for the lady.” «Bel un bum,” said the baby. ‘Hear that?” asked the proud mother. bottle.’ + Bale bol.” ‘Isn't it wonderful? And he’s only fifteen months olde My cousin has a baby-boy seventeen months old who can't say a word that any one can understand. He says ‘bet and but’ for ‘ bread and “butter.” You can’t understand a thing he says. He calls candy ‘tan.’ Now, you hear my baby say ‘candy.’ Baby, dear, say “candy ’ for momsey.” «Tannum.” “You hear? All of my friends say that they never knew a child of his age who talks as he does, I worry a little about it, be- cause I think it shows un- usual brain activity; and I think that when the brain is too active the body is not apt to develop as it should. I'd have him talk some more for you, but I feel I'd better be a little careful. Now, wave your little hanny and Say ‘good-bye ' to the lady before nursey takes you up stairs.” The child waved one plump little fist as he was being carried from the room and said, + Doo-goo !" “ Dear little chap!" said his mother. ‘* My mother says I talked quite plain when I was the age of my baby, but not nearly so plainly as my baby talks. One of my friends says it is a sure sign that the child is a born linguist, and I'm glad of that, for it is so nice to learn the languages easily.” neous whe: “Now say ‘ baby’s This comicbooks.com