Judge — May 27, 1905 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE “DAILY BUZZER'S" BIG BEAT IN WAR NEWS. — HE editor of the Daily Ruzcer was agitated by the circula: f :Z We peter} ti tement which he had pondered for some moments, Sudden!y «thought occurred to him, and he commanded the war editor to appear before him forthwith. What in the name of sauerkraut and green persim- mons is the matter with your war news ne ys?" he demanded, He did not really say * sauerkraut and green persimmons,” but his mouth worked as if that was what he said. ‘The war editor mumbled that he did not know what was the matter with the war news. is war is petting tame, and it comes too much in bunches,” was the next remark of the editor, * One day we've got more than we want and the next seven days we haven't got anything. Scatter it—spread it ‘round more. There is plenty of it, and we want some every day.” «That's a matter that we can hardly reygul tured the war editor timidly wh!" retorted the great editor sententiously, © Tell that to the A FRIENDLY TIP. Egyptians, When there is war there is war, and that is the long and “Say. , could you help a poor, homeless old man over short of it. ‘This hop-skip-and-jump business makes me tired. “These Yes. ‘Here's a quariers go.tn there and: get some. chloroform Russians and Japs have got this war going, and yours truly will see to ‘The war editor had now recovered his self-contidence. He did it that there is war every fair day until the finish, hot quite grasp the whole game, though. There were points that were © Well, what do you wish me to do?” inquired the war editor. still hazy, He put another question, “Lam going to lock you in a room,” replied the editor, * and + Suppose things don't happen every day ? Or suppose the things you've got to produce war news that’s got the three-x brand on both — we say happened did not, as a matter of sheer fact, happen at all ? ens of the barrel «Forget it!" yelled the editor, Haven't I been telling you that “Why — why —why tammered the war editor, S are going to happen right along? There ain't going to be a “Why 2” came the masterful response of the daring editor whose day that something don't happen, and right hot off the griddle. Of exploits had been the astonishinent of the newspaper world ; "why? course we are the only paper that will have them, ‘That's the reason Hecause w going to have war while there is war, We are yong we are going to have them, Exclusives! ‘That's the idea.” to throw the hops into it, We are going to do our own guessing ‘The war editor was quickly placed incommunicado. Mis imayina- When it comes to guessing I guess our guesser is in as good working — tion was put on a war basis, and thenceforth the Ausser’s guesser was order as any other guesser in the business. ‘The war dispatches are a working overtime right on the premises. nuisance from the place where nuisances grow, ‘They impede the One month from the time this alert and vigorous policy went into work of a gifted expert like you, ‘They keep you ts led your elfect the Daily Buszer made this announcement to its readers : agination is handicapped, What you want is a clear field and no “The Busser, by its unrivaled war news, has gained the first rank si so bam y to put you in that little coop across the hall and the papers of the country, Its circulation is seventeen times. pat your meals, p the wicket three tines aday. And trom ngw larger than that of its nearest competitor, and increasing by leaps and out Ewant the er to have the inside track on war news 1 want bounds every day. With its splendid corps of trained correspondents ng pulled off every day. Now, remember; T want results placed at all the strategic points with both armies, and its instantane- ry battle a decisive one, No more of this fiddle-taddling. Here is ous cable communication, it is able to give all the latest intelligence another pointer, No interrogation marks—none of yours it’s reported” long before its competitors even know that anything: has happened. and it is rumored,’ If it was a battle it was a battle, and. peor q czer appreciates the contidence of its cnormous family of read hurt and kil nul scattered all over the orient. “That's a1 will or to the very end of the Russo-Japanese strife to the way the war is serve them as it has he y S, : GONG OF THE AMBULANCE WAS HEARD s invoited me up to his house fer dinner to: morry noight.” Yis. Oi read thot among th’ shwetis monkey-dinners is fashionable jist comicbooks.com