Judge, 1904-12-17 · page 18 of 48
Judge — December 17, 1904 — page 18: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Judge* (a satirical American magazine) contains multiple short humor pieces typical of early 20th-century comic magazines: **"His Professional Secret"** mocks a church singer whose powerful voice impresses congregants, but the joke reveals he learned to sing as a brakeman on the "L" (Chicago's elevated train)—crude, working-class origins underlying his cultured performance. **"Tommy's Joy"** plays on a child's confusion: a grandfather returns from a voyage; the boy, disappointed he didn't receive a toy "jumpin'-jack" he prayed for, then sees Grandpa and calls *him* the toy—"and it seems to be alive," treating the man as an inanimate object. **"A Dream"** presents a starving sailor's dark Christmas humor—he's drifting at sea with nothing, yet still dreams of "plum duff" (a rich pudding), the absurdity of hunger-induced fantasy. Other items are brief wordplay or observational humor about domestic situations. The cartoons use exaggerated illustrations typical of satirical magazines. None reference specific political events; the humor is gentle, domestic, and character-based rather than topical.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
HIS PROFESSIONAL SECRET. THE people love to hear me sing With all my robust might and main, They like my modulated swing Until, with joy, they're quite insane. Though presto or adagio ‘The tempo. ne‘er I pwuse for breath, But prove, while gayly on I go, Thave all rivals skinned to death. The congregation looks on me With conscious pride that never sinks, And yet, I'll bet my sala-ree ‘The congregation never thinks ‘That | who shout to glean the “ten” And make the liquid anthem swell, My gay voice cultivated when T was a brakeman on the L.” TOMMY’S JOY. "M old and full of corners in my looks, but what my little grandson said on Christmas mornin’ jest shook me to my old foundations. I got up to th’ house jest at daylight—after a long v'yage—and my grandson hadn't seen me since he was old enough to know me. He had looked at almost all his pres- ents when I come along, and when he see me in th’ doorway he gives a shout of joy. “Oh!" he screams, real gladsome, “I was afraid Santy Claus wouldn't remember for to git it for me!" What?” says th’ admirin’ family. “That jumpin'-jack I asked for in my prayers,” he says; and then—pointin’ to me—remarks, much to my confusion, “but here it is at last, and it seems to be alive.” A DREAM. 66 THIS ain't no holiday for me,” remarked th’ starv- in’ sailor as he drifted in ih’ open boat on Christmas ; * but oh, Lord! itsurely is a hollow day!" Then he pulled his belt one hole tighter and, fallin’ into a slight doze, dreamed about plum duff, BELINDA. She sets all suitors crazy By gesture, glance and word, Because one half ‘s a daisy While other half’s a bird. DOUBTED THEIR ELIGIBILITY. (4 GRUMP fired that pretty typewriter of his because the clerks flirted with her; then he advertised for another and specified that she must be plain.” “Well?” “He didn’t get a single answer.” [F wishes were automobiles beggars would be arrested for fast driving. 4A PHILOSOPHIC VIEW. WHILE down the city stret I sport I burst into a merry song, Because my coat is very short And I, alas, am very long. Were this coat but as long as I, Adown the street I'd gayly float, And also would I fondly fly Could 1 in shortness match the coat. Ah! thus in life the truth we're told, That things which well should match do not. The shirt-waist cannot face the cold, The fur cap cannot face the hot. So, short or long, or long or short, T'll change my tune and skip along And say I’m not of fate the sport Until I burst my slats with song. 46 QMITH wants to break up house- y keeping, but he can’t.” ¥ ping, but he can’t. “Why not ?” THE BEST TIME. Fervy—"' What's the best time for me to propose to Ida ?"* va Avcr—"' Right after Christmas—she will te so used to accepting things she flowers. doesn't want that she may accept you." “On account of his wife's window- comicbooks.com