Judge — December 10, 1904 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AN OLD SALT’S never had appendeci- OBSERVATIONS, tis in all my life, an’ THE longest way my mother - in - law around in goin’ pages - vere lives down in South purple home 's the shortest a AGS oR \ Ameriky, by gosh!" trimm way there is to the : gf Then he hollered lace al divorce-court. 3 / Z N\A ; Ay Whoopee !” an’ did pom Lots of college- c 5 . a sailor's hornpipe. TENN boys think they can |e A \ YOWARD MARSHALL. make the creases in CONDITIONAL. their pants sharp HE war-corre- enough to carve out ’ > ‘8 ; pao 5 spondents entered a livin’ with, ples the commanding gen- eral’s tent. Sir,” said their spokesman, “we re- quest that the restric- tions placed upon our Readin’ Russian war-news set_me in’. A little jug- in’ of the letters that make “sceptre” will change the meanin’ of ; is movements he speed- the word. “Specter i : ‘ ily removed. It is im- 's quite a different : , ? 1 A possible for us, under affair. 7 s ; the present condi- tions, to. get within the zone of operations, and as a result our dispatches are mea- greand colorless. We must have more lib- erty.” It's a great satis- faction to a woman, after there’s been a difference of opinion at the breakfast-table, to reflect that her hus- band won't have no- hody to patch his win- Th al cool- ter pants up after she he general cool is dead. PN Ec ly sipped his vodka. * Gentlemen,” he finally said, “1 will grant your request hae upon the following borro conditions: That you merci allow us in your re- In the cabin the passengers was kick- in’ on the quality of their patty-de-foy yrass—said it had heen cut too soon, or ; ports each month four “Ye somethin’, In the ‘ ome i victorious engage- bale fo'c’s'le the men was a FF ments, six brilliant at- tacks, thirteen hand- Syst to-hand conflicts, three growlin’ at the quality of their salt hoss. So far as I could see, they / - twenty-three timely seemed to feel about ; - p y squal bad \ retreats, eight stub- ea aE wanna véhe Sf ¢ born repulses, two ut- a_chap ter routs for the en- that always looks on \ cikecaba ihe cece the brightest side of F Unit eer ee thes, Says he, «toi y of twelve impregnable anaee "eh, Raw positions, The honor s-eyed, P of the imperial army backed and bow-leg- : ‘ , : B is atstake. If we can- weds, -My heart's ane : not win on the field” certain, my liver ‘s Seite his Gai by consumption, an’ . Eee a my wife: run’ aNay, lowed to win on with an insurance- p ate agent two weeks ago Lg es come Tuesday. I've lost my fortune, been fired from the church, an’ broke my collar- bone, A man_poie soned my dog, anoth- er injected glanders into my best horse with a hypodermic ‘ syringe, an’ my house R . IN IRELAND. burnt down a-Mon- ‘i J . English tourist day. I give my laun- —"Is the country dry to a Chinaman, around here peaceful, an’ now I've lost the ‘ doncherknow 2” check. Towe a man Native—“It'stoo four dollars, an’ he paceful ‘tis, yer honor. says he'll lick me if T CHEER UP, YE DESERVING POOR! Oi'm only jist afther don’t pay up, which Mrs. Ponsonsy Vervrich—' James, is that boy that brought back Fido down stairs?" comin’ from Killina- is quite impossible to Jaues—* Yes, me lady." man, an’ now, begob ! deuiButtwhavel ie Mrs. Ponsonsy Vervricn—" Poor Fido! He must be nearly starved. James, take Fido into the dining-room at once, have cook broll him a nice canvas-back duck, and, by the way. give the boy some- O/M goin’ to Kill- thing to eat, also. Tell cook to give him some nice cold hash as soon as Fido {s taken care of." more. POOR GIRL! Ella—1 know I'm not good-looking, but people forget my face when I sing.” Stella—"Is your singing as bad as that?” use of kickin’? [ comicbooks.com