Judge, 1904-11-12 · page 6 of 16
Judge — November 12, 1904 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century humor journalism: **"Love is Queer"** presents a folk anecdote about a woman who refuses a wealthy suitor but accepts a poor man, explaining she wanted *him*, not material things. The satire mocks both romantic idealization and economic pretension. **"The Cult of Nebuchadnezzar"** satirizes a contemporary health fad promoting an all-grass diet, likely inspired by the biblical king's supposed grass-eating madness. The poem mocks fad diets and alternative medicine trends by suggesting people abandon normal food for grazing like livestock. **"Speed Limit"** jokes about a traffic cop who arrests a speeding motorist simply because he couldn't catch faster cars—absurd police logic. This reflects early anxieties about automobiles and traffic enforcement. The page also includes romantic poetry about "Angelina" and a brief quip about professorial open-mindedness, representing typical magazine filler content of the era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
LOVE IS QUEER. ES, love is queer. Sam Jones was rich, and when he asked Lyddy (she that's now my wife) to marry him she give as a reason for refusin’ a statement that there was things she wanted that he wasn't rich enough to buy for her. I heard of it, and for a time it kept me shy of her. If she wanted things 4e couldn't git, how many more would she demand that would be too much for me? But finally I asked her, more to git it off my mind than because I thought she'd have me. She lunged for me as if she'd been waitin’ for a meal and | was ham and eggs. * But,” says I, after Thad got her curl untwisted from my necktie-pin, “if there was something that you wanted that Sam Jones couldn't git for you, how on earth can J, all plastered up with poverty, come near to satisfyin’ of you?” But she replied," The thing | wanted, stupid, that Sam Jones couldn't git for me, was you!” Love between a man and woman ain't evidenced so much by what his love makes ANGELINA. When the winter rosebud At the window beams It is quite the flower Of our summer dreams, And when Angelina On the snowdrift whirls She is still the sweetest Of all summer girls. hira willin’ for to git for her as it is by what her love makes her willin’ for to git along without for him. A PROFESSIONAL OPINION. ++] NEVER become angry because a man does not think quite as I do,” remarked the pro- Dance Ge OER GEGDRIE. fessor ; “for when I find a man who disagrees “Balla, ‘why this thosnees?” with me I realize that it is probably with diffi- “Oh, Henry! | broke @ thousand-dollar bill this morning. 1—I dropped it!"" culty that he thinks at all.” ‘THE CULT OF NEBUCHADNEZZAR, ‘The latest health-fad is a diet of grass.—Exchange. WISE man said, “+ All flesh is grass,” And now at length it comes to pass ‘That there's no illness we endure Which eating grass will fail to cure. If sharp gastritis holds you down, On ordinary diet frown ; But gather grass, gravied with dew, And eat it and your health renew. Even if you're thrown in that abysm Of dire, cantankerous rhematism, Remember it cannot harass If you confine your meals to grass. Nebuchadnezzar, king of old, We used to think was badly ‘sold; But now it’s very plainly seen His was the coming true cuisine. From pasturage of the field and lawn His health and strength were daily drawn ; And so for years he shunned life’s knocks By eating like the faithful ox. Who would not forfeit bread and cheese, And quail on toast, with meat and grease, Now those who know with force maintain That grass surpasses flour or grain? Vile drugs have thus become a bore, And doctors need not practice more. SPEED LIMIT. Fruits, too, will go, and garden «sass,"" Aurotst—" Why, this is an outrage! What do you want to arrest me for? | was hardly moving.” Since all mankind must “go to grass"! Constaste Gri “Thet's it, young feller—that's it. Yew see, all th’ other autermobiles went so con- JouL uxxtox, —_sarned fast | couldn’t stop nary @ one, an’ I had tew arrest somebody tew-day. Come along, young feller!" comicbooks.com