Judge, 1904-10-29 · page 6 of 20
Judge — October 29, 1904 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains election-year political satire, likely from 1904. The central content mocks the Democratic Party's presidential campaign. **Key pieces:** The "Ballade of the Bet" repeatedly asks "Have you made your election bet?"—suggesting Democrats are so desperate they're gambling on the outcome. It references Parker and Davis (Alton B. Parker and Henry G. Davis, the Democratic nominees) as a weak "pair" to run against Republican "stand-pat" incumbents. "Oh, Listen to the Band!" depicts Republicans disrupting a Democratic meeting; when they hear opposition drums, they mock the sound as "Bum, bum!"—implying Democratic campaign rhetoric is empty noise. "Good Advice" sarcastically suggests voting Democratic leads to prosperity, while implying Democrats won't actually achieve it. The "Parker Telegram" joke plays on a recent scandal involving Parker's communications. Throughout, the satire portrays Democrats as hapless, desperate, and ineffective—a typical Judge magazine stance favoring Republicans during this era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE'S FAVORITES. LOUISE GUNNING IN “Love's LorTERY." By reason of your bird-like voice, That needs no fine apology, You quite eclipse the very choic- Est stars of ornithology. By reason of your figure trim Rapt poets write you triolets, And love-dazed dudes unto you skim With basketfuls of violets. Between your beauty and your art, ‘Which, like your beauty ‘s beautiful, ‘The public opens wide its heart In manner glad and dutiful. That's why you handle, minus gloves, Grim fate and boll the pottery, And shine a first-class prize in Love's Or any other Lottery. SHRUNK. $6] DON'T hear much about Dave Hill these days,” said the bar- tender as he passed the bottle over the bar. “Oh, he’s nothing but a valley now,” replied the Democratic states- man, measuring out four fingers. BALLADE OF THE BET. “THE birdies have begun to fly Southward unto a warmer air; The punkin is within the pie, The wheat has gone upon a tare. The chilling winds are hard to bear; The days are damp and chill and wet; The hunter sets Ais subtle snare— Have you made your election bet? Nailed is the latest campaign lie, ‘Tracked is the liar to his lair. Election day is drawing nigh— Turn on the limelight’s mellow glare. And, voters here and every- where, Both virgin votary and “vet We give you warning which is fair— Have you made your election bet? The fall campaign is nearly by. Democracy is in despair. Forsooth, she fears a jet-black eye ; She has begun to tear her hair. Parker and Davis—what a pair With which a ‘stand-pat” pot to get! Who'll get the presidential chair? Have you made your election bet? LENVOL Obj, Democeats | you're:sich (and ANENT THE PARKER TELEGRAM. rare). sores" = ‘ . The last returns are not in yet. yj, lt Weseove—"Walt 2 moment until 1 send home a ‘Parker’ to my Democracy! say, are you there? ‘THe priewo—"* A ‘Parker’? What the deuce is that?" Have you made your election Mr. Wisecye—* Don't be a Rip van Winkle—wake up! A telegram, bet? FRANKLIN P. ADAMS. of course.” OH, LISTEN TO THE BAND! HEN they tried to break up Bill Brown's Republican meeting by having the opposition band parade around the stand, Bill held his hand up to his ear and said, «Just listen to what his own drums are saying of that Democratic office-seeker !" And the crowd, listening, heard, “Bum, bum! Bum, bum, bum !" GOOD ADVICE. ++ BE GOOD and you'll be happy,” said the preacher.“ Be good! and you'll be lonesome,” said Mark Twain. “Be good and you'll be dead,” remarked the Injun. “ Be good and you'll hustle round and vote for decent government and more prosperity,” said the wise man to the Democrat. And he, beyond the possibility of a doubt, was right. THE ORIGIN OF FOOTBALL. A prehistoric origin of football—Long-haired ape with cocoanut. Historic—Long-haired ‘football cocoanut" hero with the pigskin.